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If Microsoft Built Cars
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Jan 10, 2017 06:37:59   #
Larry the Legend (a regular here)
 
At a COMDEX computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: if GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they painted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to re-install the engine.

4. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

5. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

6. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

7. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.

8. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

9. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.
 
Jan 10, 2017 06:48:31   #
Larry the Legend (a regular here)
 
Joining The Army

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just enlisted up at an army recruiter's office.

There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?"

"You would never get through basic training," scoffed another.

The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?
Jan 10, 2017 06:50:04   #
Larry the Legend (a regular here)
 
Joining The Army

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just enlisted up at an army recruiter's office.

There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?"

"You would never get through basic training," scoffed another.

The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?
Jan 10, 2017 07:55:24   #
son of witless (a regular here)
 
Larry the Legend wrote:
At a COMDEX computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: if GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they painted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to re-install the engine.

4. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

5. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

6. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

7. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.

8. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

9. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.
At a COMDEX computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly c... (show quote)


Win 8 would have the nickname Edsel.
Jan 10, 2017 10:26:17   #
Larry the Legend (a regular here)
 
son of witless wrote:
Win 8 would have the nickname Edsel.


Ouch.

What about Windows Vista?
Jan 10, 2017 18:08:25   #
son of witless (a regular here)
 
Larry the Legend wrote:
Ouch.

What about Windows Vista?


Oh my, let me think. Vista is probably the Chevy Vega. Not horrible, but not real good. Millenium might be the Yugo. My brother had that on a computer and I could do nothing to get some of his stuff to work.
 
Jan 10, 2017 21:23:33   #
Larry the Legend (a regular here)
 
son of witless wrote:
Oh my, let me think. Vista is probably the Chevy Vega. Not horrible, but not real good. Millenium might be the Yugo. My brother had that on a computer and I could do nothing to get some of his stuff to work.


I had to upgrade to Windows Millenium edition before I could load Windows XP on my laptop. Something about the device drivers. Thankfully I never had to use it.
Jan 10, 2017 21:32:01   #
son of witless (a regular here)
 
Larry the Legend wrote:
I had to upgrade to Windows Millenium edition before I could load Windows XP on my laptop. Something about the device drivers. Thankfully I never had to use it.


I like to jump generations. I went Win 95 to Win XP to Win 10. I loved XP and ran it for years after it's useful life. If my hardware wouldn't have failed I'd still be on it. I have Win 8 on a tablet and it really is an Edsel. Back to Millenium, my brother's computer had it and I was at his house a lot trying to install camera software, and it just sucked.
Jan 10, 2017 22:06:56   #
Larry the Legend (a regular here)
 
son of witless wrote:
I like to jump generations. I went Win 95 to Win XP to Win 10.


You got suckered into Windows 10 eh? I had that message that kept popping up on my desktop about upgrading from Windows 7. Not a chance. I found the 3 upgrade files in the Windows update folder, got rid of them and kept my Win7. Haven't heard a peep since. I have no idea what I'm going to do when they stop supporting it which they will pretty soon. The last thing I want is Win10 reporting my every move back to Microsoft....
Jan 11, 2017 07:22:43   #
son of witless (a regular here)
 
Larry the Legend wrote:
You got suckered into Windows 10 eh? I had that message that kept popping up on my desktop about upgrading from Windows 7. Not a chance. I found the 3 upgrade files in the Windows update folder, got rid of them and kept my Win7. Haven't heard a peep since. I have no idea what I'm going to do when they stop supporting it which they will pretty soon. The last thing I want is Win10 reporting my every move back to Microsoft....


The little computer shop that put new guts into my puter set up Win 10 as close to XP as possible. As such I find it usable. The young guy running the shop, deals with a lot of geezers like me who are paradigm paralyzed and do not like smart phone technology adapted for puters. So much better than WIN 8 on my tablet. I use the tablet primarily as a camera and picture viewer. It is so hard to move pictures and video off my tablet.
 
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