Legal Fee
Jan 2, 2017 10:29:43 #
Dogged Lawyer
A lawyer's dog, running around unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast.
The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"
The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50 (attorneys don't carry cash).
Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: It was a bill for $100 for a consultation!
Use of 'I'
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Twenty Uses for Fruitcake
1. Use as a doorstop
2. Use as a paperweight
3. Use to clean your pots and pans
4. Use as boat anchor
5. Use as bricks in fireplace
6. Build a house with them
7. Use it to hold up your Christmas tree
8. Use as a pencil holder
9. Give it to the cat for a scratching post
10. Put it in the back yard to feed the birds and squirrels
11. Hold up your car when changing tires
12. Slice and use for poker chips
13. Use it to carve your turkey on
14. Use as replacement for Duraflame log
15. Take it camping with you...use it to weigh down the tent
16. Use it as a seat at a stadium event
17. Stand on it when you change a lightbulb
18. Put it in the back of your car/truck for snow/ice driving
19. Replaces free weights when you work out
20. Use as book ends at the school library
Wizened Proverbs
- Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.
- Man with one chopstick go hungry.
- Man who scratch bum should not bite fingernails.
- Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
- War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
- Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
- Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
- Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
- Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
- Man who break wind in church sit in own pew.
- Crowded elevator smell different to short person. (Ooooh!)
(Drumroll Please)
A lawyer's dog, running around unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast.
The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"
The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50 (attorneys don't carry cash).
Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: It was a bill for $100 for a consultation!
Use of 'I'
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Twenty Uses for Fruitcake
1. Use as a doorstop
2. Use as a paperweight
3. Use to clean your pots and pans
4. Use as boat anchor
5. Use as bricks in fireplace
6. Build a house with them
7. Use it to hold up your Christmas tree
8. Use as a pencil holder
9. Give it to the cat for a scratching post
10. Put it in the back yard to feed the birds and squirrels
11. Hold up your car when changing tires
12. Slice and use for poker chips
13. Use it to carve your turkey on
14. Use as replacement for Duraflame log
15. Take it camping with you...use it to weigh down the tent
16. Use it as a seat at a stadium event
17. Stand on it when you change a lightbulb
18. Put it in the back of your car/truck for snow/ice driving
19. Replaces free weights when you work out
20. Use as book ends at the school library
Wizened Proverbs
- Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.
- Man with one chopstick go hungry.
- Man who scratch bum should not bite fingernails.
- Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
- War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
- Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
- Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
- Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
- Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
- Man who break wind in church sit in own pew.
- Crowded elevator smell different to short person. (Ooooh!)
(Drumroll Please)
Jan 2, 2017 10:33:29 #
One of my favorites:
Confucius he say: "Man who go to bed at night with itchy ass wake up in morning with smelly finger"!
Confucius he say: "Man who go to bed at night with itchy ass wake up in morning with smelly finger"!
Jan 3, 2017 08:37:37 #
Larry the Legend wrote:
One of my favorites:
Confucius he say: "Man who go to bed at night with itchy ass wake up in morning with smelly finger"!
Confucius he say: "Man who go to bed at night with itchy ass wake up in morning with smelly finger"!
Confucius also say
"Man who pee in cash register soon run into money"
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