Onelostdog Loc: Restless Oregon

JOKE IS A LITTLE LONG BUT FUNNY

" One who does nothing but wait for his ship to come has already missed the boat "



Heaven's Policy Change

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change
the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into
Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The
policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of
Heaven.
The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the
man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was
going when you died."

"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on
my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair.
But her lover was nowhere in sight.. I immediately began searching for
him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire
apartment.

Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the
balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his
fingertips!
The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped
on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it,
he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't
die.
This ticked me off even more.

In a rage, I went back inside to get the first heavy thing I could get

my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought
of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the
balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and
crushed him!

The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack
and died almost instantly." The Angel sat back and thought a moment.
Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion.
So, the Angel announced, "OK, sir.. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,"

and let him in .

A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it
was Donald Trump. "Mr. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear
about what your day was like when you died." Trump said, "No problem.

But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th
floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of
pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I
got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the
side!

Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony
below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of
his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of
course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which broke
my fall, so I didn't die right away.

As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in
excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things
off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me,
killing me.

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story.
"I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very
well,"
the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets
Trump enter.

A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is
almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour
through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr. President, please tell

me what it was like the day you died."

Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, inside a
refrigerator......"

bilordinary Loc: SW Washington

A+

lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

Trump was having sex with Bill Clinton!? Eww!!

Little Ball of Hate

Not as bad as having sex with Hillary.

EL Loc: Massachusetts

No, the first man's wife. re-read.

EL Loc: Massachusetts

Can't stop laughing! Really good one.

bilordinary Loc: SW Washington

Is that the liberal twist?

the waker Loc: 11th freest nation

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

PeterS

Having wet dreams again eh little balls. Gotta love it...

Little Ball of Hate

Being a clueless idiot again, Pete? Gotta love it. Besides, everyone knows you're projecting your own feelings onto others. We all know you'd give your left nut, if you had one, to bed Hillary.

Onelostdog Loc: Restless Oregon

Having sex with Killery-----now that sucks.

Onelostdog Loc: Restless Oregon

Thanks EL it kinda brought a smile to my face also and I only had to read it once.

Onelostdog Loc: Restless Oregon

Thanks LB, just the thought of that would even make Killery puck up.

Little Ball of Hate

IDK. She's so twisted, she might enjoy it.

Onelostdog Loc: Restless Oregon

Wished I would have eaten before I read this now I am getting an upset stomach, thanks a lot LB.