Don G. Dinsdale Loc: El Cajon, CA (San Diego County)

If you play golf you may enjoy these, and if you don't play golf, you may enjoy them anyway.

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A recent study found that the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year, which means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind of makes you proud. I almost feel like a hybrid.
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A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack.

"Help me dear," she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. "I'm dying here and you're putting."

"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."

"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.

"No time at all," says her husband.

"Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."
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A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"

Mickelson replied, "The holes are numbered."
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A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole, my son?"

The young man says, "An 8-iron, father, how about you?"

The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green.

The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down."
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Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 3-iron standing over a lifeless man.

The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes" says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?"

"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club and puts her hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?"

"I don't know -- put me down for a five."
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A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.

Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"

The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?
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The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.

She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

I'm giving you an albatross on this one

lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

I could never drum up enough interest in a game where I hit a little ball a long way, then ran after it as though I was playing fetch. The first time I tried the game, I took my dogs with me - and two of them died laughing. The second time I tried it, my brother-in-law said, " the idea is to hit the ball in the hole ", so I took my ball, walked to the hole, dropped it in and hit it. I did exactly what he told me to do, but he still seemed pissed.

Don G. Dinsdale Loc: El Cajon, CA (San Diego County)

Once again we agree, about 30 years ago I tried to learn, just couldn't get there, plus I sucked at it... ha, Don D.


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bilordinary Loc: SW Washington

Golf ball curves, baseball doesn't, I play pool!

Don G. Dinsdale Loc: El Cajon, CA (San Diego County)

In my youth when the eyes worked well I made a few dollars playing pool... Don D.


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randel1

When I realized that if I could switch my golf score with my bowling score and be proficient in both, I got rid of my clubs and bowling ball and the frustration went away. Peace of mind is so comforting.

Weaver

A golfing pastor looked outside one Sunday morning and the day was a beautiful day for playing golf. Sunny, pleasant temp and hardly no wind. The longer he looked the more he was tempted to go play a game. So he called an associate pastor, made an excuse and asked if he could sub for him today. The deal was done so he got his clubs, got in his car but decided that he had better drive to a course 90 miles from his church.He arrived payed his green fee and stood on the first tee. Saint Peter said to God, your not going to let him get away with this are you. God replied "No". So standing on the tee box of a par 5 he teed up his ball, took a mighty swing with his driver. About that time a mighty wind can up and caught the ball and carried it down the fairway. It hit and bounced down the fairway and rolled up on the green into the hole. Saint Peter turned to God and said I thought that you were'nt going to let him get away with this. To which God said "who's he going to tell"