eagleye13 Loc: Fl

Gotta Love The Irish

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord tak in case you need an Irishe pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'

'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'

'Just water,' says the priest.

The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'

The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'

'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed..

In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

Canuckus Deploracus Loc: North of the wall

bahmer

Tug484

eagleye13 Loc: Fl

Is it time to celebrate St. Paddy's Day?

Tug484

Yes it is, isn't it?
I love the Irish jokes.

Big dog

First thing in the morning and ya got me laughing . Nice job 😂🤣

Mike Easterday

These were good !!!

Mikeyavelli

An Irishman walks out of a bar...
Well, it could happen.

Tug484

It could. Lol!

rafterman Loc: South Florida

Good ones!! Here's one I heard over 40 years ago told to a group of U.S. Navy sailors by an Irishman in a pub in London. (Of course, I have not told it exactly as he did. But, the punch line is the same). It got a lot of laughs then, I hope it still does.

O’Malley and O’Toole were walking down the street - both quite inebriated again - when suddenly O’Toole walks into the street and is run down by a car.

O’Malley runs over to his drinking buddy and says, “O’Toole are ye all right lad?”

O’Toole replies gasping for air, “O’Malley me long time drinking mate. I think I’m goin’ to meet me maker.”

O’Malley sadly says, “O’Toole, I’m going to miss ye. Is there anything I can do for ye?”

O’Toole says, “When they bury me O’Malley, would ye mind pouring this fine bottle of Old Irish whiskey I’ve been saving for the last 25 years over me grave? Now would ye do that for me old friend?”

O’Malley, in tears but with dignity says, “O’Malley darling, I’d be proud to do that for ye! But I have one question. Would ye mind if I run it through me kidneys first?”

Mikeyavelli

Always funny.

bggamers Loc: georgia

All were great but the last one was a winner eagleye