Four quick jokes: Pervert on the phone... A phone rings, woman answers. A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair?" Woman replies, "Yes I...

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Pervert on the phone...

A phone rings, woman answers.
A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair?" Woman replies, "Yes I do...he's watching golf, who should I say is calling?

Little boy at the nude beach...

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why. She tells her son, 'The Bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.' The boy, pleased with her answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does. She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is.' Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play. Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother, 'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.'

Vacations for Billy Bob...

Billy Bob tells Luther, 'This year I'm gonna do my vacation differently. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant. Then, two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again.' Luther asks Billy Bob, 'So, what are you going to do this year that's different?' Billy Bob answered, 'I'm taking Earlene with me.'

Sex and good grammar...

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.

The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: '1,2,3.' When you do you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."

The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: "How do I stop the medicine from working?" The old man responded, "Your partner must say '1, 2,3,4,' but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked, so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said '1,2,3!' Immediately , he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1,2,3 for?"

And that, folks, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle

Canuckus Deploracus Loc: North of the wall

slatten49 wrote:

Pervert on the phone...

A phone rings, woman answers.
A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair?" Woman replies, "Yes I do...he's watching golf, who should I say is calling?

Little boy at the nude beach...

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why. She tells her son, 'The Bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.' The boy, pleased with her answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does. She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is.' Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play. Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother, 'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.'

Vacations for Billy Bob...

Billy Bob tells Luther, 'This year I'm gonna do my vacation differently. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant. Then, two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again.' Luther asks Billy Bob, 'So, what are you going to do this year that's different?' Billy Bob answered, 'I'm taking Earlene with me.'

Sex and good grammar...

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.

The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: '1,2,3.' When you do you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."

The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: "How do I stop the medicine from working?" The old man responded, "Your partner must say '1, 2,3,4,' but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked, so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said '1,2,3!' Immediately , he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1,2,3 for?"

And that, folks, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle

Pervert on the phone... br br A phone rings, woma... (show quote)

All good... if not decent

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Canuckus Deploracus wrote:

All good... if not decent

At times, I can get pretty randy.

bahmer

slatten49 wrote:

Pervert on the phone...

A phone rings, woman answers.
A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair?" Woman replies, "Yes I do...he's watching golf, who should I say is calling?

Little boy at the nude beach...

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why. She tells her son, 'The Bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.' The boy, pleased with her answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does. She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is.' Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play. Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother, 'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.'

Vacations for Billy Bob...

Billy Bob tells Luther, 'This year I'm gonna do my vacation differently. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant. Then, two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again.' Luther asks Billy Bob, 'So, what are you going to do this year that's different?' Billy Bob answered, 'I'm taking Earlene with me.'

Sex and good grammar...

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.

The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: '1,2,3.' When you do you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."

The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: "How do I stop the medicine from working?" The old man responded, "Your partner must say '1, 2,3,4,' but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked, so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said '1,2,3!' Immediately , he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1,2,3 for?"

And that, folks, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle

Pervert on the phone... br br A phone rings, woma... (show quote)

Those are all good did you get these from badbobby I have heard that those sailors can get pretty randy at times being at see for long periods of time.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

bahmer wrote:

Those are all good did you get these from badbobby I have heard that those sailors can get pretty randy at times being at see for long periods of time.

All I get from BB is the ornery ol' feller's sass.

Canuckus Deploracus Loc: North of the wall

slatten49 wrote:

All I get from BB is the ornery ol' feller's sass.

Is that how you spell it in Texas? Why the extra "s"?

(Randy enough for you

)

badbobby Loc: texas

slatten49 wrote:

Pervert on the phone...

A phone rings, woman answers.
A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair?" Woman replies, "Yes I do...he's watching golf, who should I say is calling?

Little boy at the nude beach...

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why. She tells her son, 'The Bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.' The boy, pleased with her answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does. She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is.' Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play. Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother, 'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.'

Vacations for Billy Bob...

Billy Bob tells Luther, 'This year I'm gonna do my vacation differently. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant. Then, two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again.' Luther asks Billy Bob, 'So, what are you going to do this year that's different?' Billy Bob answered, 'I'm taking Earlene with me.'

Sex and good grammar...

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.

The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: '1,2,3.' When you do you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."

The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: "How do I stop the medicine from working?" The old man responded, "Your partner must say '1, 2,3,4,' but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked, so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said '1,2,3!' Immediately , he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1,2,3 for?"

And that, folks, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle

Pervert on the phone... br br A phone rings, woma... (show quote)

dam Jarhead
pervert--dastardly one at that!

'.kinda liked em tho

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

badbobby wrote:

dam Jarhead
pervert--dastardly one at that!

'.kinda liked em tho

Good, BB.

I had been worried that they would go right over your vacant, Squidly head.

Fit2BTied Loc: Texas

slatten49 wrote:

Pervert on the phone...

A phone rings, woman answers.
A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair?" Woman replies, "Yes I do...he's watching golf, who should I say is calling?

Little boy at the nude beach...

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why. She tells her son, 'The Bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.' The boy, pleased with her answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does. She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is.' Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play. Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother, 'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.'

Vacations for Billy Bob...

Billy Bob tells Luther, 'This year I'm gonna do my vacation differently. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant. Then, two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again.' Luther asks Billy Bob, 'So, what are you going to do this year that's different?' Billy Bob answered, 'I'm taking Earlene with me.'

Sex and good grammar...

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.

The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: '1,2,3.' When you do you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."

The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: "How do I stop the medicine from working?" The old man responded, "Your partner must say '1, 2,3,4,' but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked, so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said '1,2,3!' Immediately , he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1,2,3 for?"

And that, folks, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle

Pervert on the phone... br br A phone rings, woma... (show quote)

Jocularity is good for the soul! Nicely done!

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Fit2BTied wrote:

Jocularity is good for the soul! Nicely done!

Glad you liked 'em, Fit

"Laughter is the closest distance between two people." --Victor Borge

"The wonderful thing about laughter is that it just destroys any kind of system to divide people."--John Cleese

badbobby Loc: texas

slatten49 wrote:

Good, BB.

I had been worried that they would go right over your vacant, Squidly head.

lookin at your avvy Slat
looks to me like you had the hind tit on the old sow
go back to the yeller hair

elledee

great laughs.... all good....thanks for posting

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

badbobby wrote:

lookin at your avvy Slat
looks to me like you had the hind tit on the old sow
go back to the yeller hair

You sure got'ta mean streak in ya', ol' feller.

badbobby Loc: texas

slatten49 wrote:

You sure got'ta mean streak in ya', ol' feller.

for some reason(it;s not possible that it's your derogatory remarks about my beloved Navy)
you just seem to draw the meanness outta me

bggamers Loc: georgia

slatten49 wrote:

Pervert on the phone...

A phone rings, woman answers.
A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair?" Woman replies, "Yes I do...he's watching golf, who should I say is calling?

Little boy at the nude beach...

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why. She tells her son, 'The Bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.' The boy, pleased with her answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does. She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is.' Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play. Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother, 'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.'

Vacations for Billy Bob...

Billy Bob tells Luther, 'This year I'm gonna do my vacation differently. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant. Then, two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again.' Luther asks Billy Bob, 'So, what are you going to do this year that's different?' Billy Bob answered, 'I'm taking Earlene with me.'

Sex and good grammar...

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.

The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: '1,2,3.' When you do you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."

The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: "How do I stop the medicine from working?" The old man responded, "Your partner must say '1, 2,3,4,' but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked, so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said '1,2,3!' Immediately , he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1,2,3 for?"

And that, folks, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle

Pervert on the phone... br br A phone rings, woma... (show quote)

ALL great thanks for the laugh