ThePresident was in the Oval Office when his telephone
rang. "Hello,Mr President ,” a heavily accented southern voice
said. "This is Archie down here at Joe's Catfish Shack in
Amarillo.Texas I'm callin' to tell ya’ll that we are officially
declarin' war on ya!"

"Well, Archie," the President replied, "this is indeed important news! How
big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation, "there is myself,
my cousin Harold, my friend Slatten , Badbobby,bahmer and the whole dart
team from Hooters. That makes eight!"

The President paused. "I must tell you, Archie, that I have one million men in
my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie, "I'll have to call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. President, the war
is still on! We have managed to git us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Archie?" The President asked.

"Well, sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Moldy Oldy's farm
tractor.We also have us some pitchurs from bad bob for propaganda purposes

ThePresident sighed. "I must tell you, Archie, that I have 16,000
tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my
army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Heaven's above," said Archie, "I'll be gettin' back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again about twenty minutes later. "Mr President
, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne!
We up an' modified Linda Joy's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in
the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well as that well known karate expert, Kankune
We have also got the promise of AuntiE to send her cat army,led by that heroic of all cats,Mack

The President was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Archie, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes.
My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air
missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to
TWO MILLION!"

"Well, nuts," said Archie, "l'll have at call you back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "Mr President, I
am sorry to have to tell you that we have to call off this here war."

"I'm glad you came to your senses... " replied the President. "Why the sudden
change of heart?"

"Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long
talk over a few beers and come to realize there ain't no way we can afford to feed Slatten
and two million prisoners."

ThePresident was in the Oval Office when his telephone
rang. "Hello,Mr President ,” a heavily accented southern voice
said. "This is Archie down here at Joe's Catfish Shack in
Amarillo.Texas I'm callin' to tell ya’ll that we are officially
declarin' war on ya!"

"Well, Archie," the President replied, "this is indeed important news! How
big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation, "there is myself,
my cousin Harold, my friend Slatten , Badbobby,bahmer and the whole dart
team from Hooters. That makes eight!"

The President paused. "I must tell you, Archie, that I have one million men in
my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie, "I'll have to call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. President, the war
is still on! We have managed to git us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Archie?" The President asked.

"Well, sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Moldy Oldy's farm
tractor.We also have us some pitchurs from bad bob for propaganda purposes

ThePresident sighed. "I must tell you, Archie, that I have 16,000
tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my
army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Heaven's above," said Archie, "I'll be gettin' back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again about twenty minutes later. "Mr President
, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne!
We up an' modified Linda Joy's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in
the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well as that well known karate expert, Kankune
We have also got the promise of AuntiE to send her cat army,led by that heroic of all cats,Mack

The President was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Archie, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes.
My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air
missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to
TWO MILLION!"

"Well, nuts," said Archie, "l'll have at call you back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "Mr President, I
am sorry to have to tell you that we have to call off this here war."

"I'm glad you came to your senses... " replied the President. "Why the sudden
change of heart?"

"Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long
talk over a few beers and come to realize there ain't no way we can afford to feed Slatten
and two million prisoners."