one liners
Apr 9, 2018 16:00:48 #
I love a good one liner, and these jokes have puns a plenty. Some of them are so bad, they are hilarious - but they're guaranteed to give you some laughs!
1. I recently got crushed by a pile of books, but I suppose I've only got my shelf to blame.
2. A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation for a local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
3. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day. Even the cake was in tiers.
Smiley face
4. I had to quit my job at the shoe recycling factory. It was just sole destroying.
5. I was getting in to my car the other day and a man said 'can you give me a lift?' I said 'sure, you look great, chase your dreams, go for it!'
6. I've decided to sell my vacuum. Well, it was just gathering dust!
7. What's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!
8. The problem with premature ejaculation is it usually comes out of nowhere.
9. Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
Monkey selfie
10. My wife and I have been happy for 20 years. But then we met.
11. Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out, man.
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12. I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!
13. I was overcharged for velcro last week. What a rip off!
14. I think I'm emotionally constipated. I just can't seem to give a sh*t
15. I've been reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
16. A train stops at a train station. A bus stops at a bus station. Now why is my desk called a 'work station'?
Laughing
17. How do prisoners call each other? On their cell phones!
18. The thing about dwarfs and midgets is that they have very little in common.
19. Have you heard about the magic tractor? It turned into a field!
20. To the guy who invented zero: Thanks for nothing!
21. I hate Russian Dolls. They're so full of themselves.
22. I used to be a banker, but over time I lost interest.
23. I was thinking about getting a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Smiley 2
24. I can't understand why people are so bothered about me not knowing what the word 'apocalypse' means. It's not like it's the end of the world!
25. Why can't a bike stand on its own? It's two-tired!
26. Did you hear about the man who lost his entire left side in an accident? He's all right now.
27. If I could only take one thing to a desert island, I probably wouldn't bother going.
28. I couldn't work out how to fasten my seat belt for ages. But then one day, it just clicked.
29. My first job was at a calendar factory. I can't believe they sacked me, all I did was take a day off!
30. I was going to tell my pizza joke but I think it's a bit too cheesy.
1. I recently got crushed by a pile of books, but I suppose I've only got my shelf to blame.
2. A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation for a local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
3. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day. Even the cake was in tiers.
Smiley face
4. I had to quit my job at the shoe recycling factory. It was just sole destroying.
5. I was getting in to my car the other day and a man said 'can you give me a lift?' I said 'sure, you look great, chase your dreams, go for it!'
6. I've decided to sell my vacuum. Well, it was just gathering dust!
7. What's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!
8. The problem with premature ejaculation is it usually comes out of nowhere.
9. Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
Monkey selfie
10. My wife and I have been happy for 20 years. But then we met.
11. Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out, man.
- Advertisement -
12. I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!
13. I was overcharged for velcro last week. What a rip off!
14. I think I'm emotionally constipated. I just can't seem to give a sh*t
15. I've been reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
16. A train stops at a train station. A bus stops at a bus station. Now why is my desk called a 'work station'?
Laughing
17. How do prisoners call each other? On their cell phones!
18. The thing about dwarfs and midgets is that they have very little in common.
19. Have you heard about the magic tractor? It turned into a field!
20. To the guy who invented zero: Thanks for nothing!
21. I hate Russian Dolls. They're so full of themselves.
22. I used to be a banker, but over time I lost interest.
23. I was thinking about getting a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Smiley 2
24. I can't understand why people are so bothered about me not knowing what the word 'apocalypse' means. It's not like it's the end of the world!
25. Why can't a bike stand on its own? It's two-tired!
26. Did you hear about the man who lost his entire left side in an accident? He's all right now.
27. If I could only take one thing to a desert island, I probably wouldn't bother going.
28. I couldn't work out how to fasten my seat belt for ages. But then one day, it just clicked.
29. My first job was at a calendar factory. I can't believe they sacked me, all I did was take a day off!
30. I was going to tell my pizza joke but I think it's a bit too cheesy.
Apr 9, 2018 16:35:34 #
Noraa
Loc: Kansas
badbobby wrote:
I love a good one liner, and these jokes have puns... (show quote)
Do you know why blonde jokes are one liners? So men can understand them!
Apr 9, 2018 17:00:56 #
badbobby wrote:
I love a good one liner, and these jokes have puns... (show quote)
All good badbobby thanks.
Apr 9, 2018 17:01:40 #
Noraa wrote:
Do you know why blonde jokes are one liners? So men can understand them!
I thought it was so that the blondes could understand them.
Apr 9, 2018 18:12:49 #
Noraa wrote:
Do you know why blonde jokes are one liners? So men can understand them!
thanks Nora
we need all the help we can get
BTW
are you kin to Slat??
Apr 9, 2018 18:23:31 #
badbobby wrote:
thanks Nora
we need all the help we can get
BTW
are you kin to Slat??
we need all the help we can get
BTW
are you kin to Slat??
That should be why Navy Jokes are one liners. So the Marines will understand them.
Apr 9, 2018 19:39:23 #
slatten49
Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
badbobby wrote:
I love a good one liner, and these jokes have puns... (show quote)
Love 'em all, BB. I give you
Ya' durn Squid
Apr 10, 2018 13:20:05 #
Apr 10, 2018 13:36:26 #
slatten49
Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
bahmer wrote:
That should be why Navy Jokes are one liners. So the Marines will understand them.
You're doing your best to garner favor with the senior Squid, aren't you, Bahmer
You need to join a winning team...the USMC.
Apr 10, 2018 13:50:59 #
slatten49 wrote:
You're doing your best to garner favor with the senior Squid, aren't you, Bahmer
You need to join a winning team...the USMC.
You need to join a winning team...the USMC.
By the way where is the senior Squid today I haven't seen any postings from him. Is he out fishing? I though t that you would be exhausted from your coaching that you did at the masters. You did good on Jordan.
Apr 10, 2018 13:57:18 #
slatten49
Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
bahmer wrote:
By the way where is the senior Squid today I haven't seen any postings from him. Is he out fishing? I though t that you would be exhausted from your coaching that you did at the masters. You did good on Jordan.
I don't where that rascal BB is, but I left him a PM early this morning, and he has read it without response...so far. He's probably downing some Jack Daniels to build up the courage it takes for a Squid to try dealing with his Marine superiors.
Apr 10, 2018 14:00:53 #
slatten49 wrote:
I don't where that rascal BB is, but I left him a PM early this morning, and he has read it without response...so far. He's probably downing some Jack Daniels to build up the courage it takes for a Squid to try dealing with his Marine superiors.
If that is the case his courage should be built up by now by merrily sniffing the bottle. After all he did pass the Navy entrance exam which the durn Marines failed I might add.
Apr 10, 2018 14:35:50 #
Apr 10, 2018 18:14:23 #
Apr 10, 2018 18:40:46 #
slatten49
Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
Peewee wrote:
All corny, all good.
That's because BB can't always afford Jack Daniels, and occasionally dips into corn liquor...home-made style.
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