badbobby Loc: texas

Phyllis Dillerisms...


Whatever you may look like, marry
a man your own age.
As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller



Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller



Cleaning your house while your kids
are still growing up is like shoveling
the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller

The reason women don't play football is
because 11 of them would never wear
the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller



Best way to get rid of kitchen odours:
Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made
the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller



I want my children to have all the things
I couldn't afford.
Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller



Most children threaten at times
to run away from home.
This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller



Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab
without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller



Burt Reynolds once asked me out.
I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller



What I don't like about office Christmas parties
is looking for a job the next day.
-Phyllis Diller



The only time I ever enjoyed ironing
was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller



His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller



Old age is when the liver spots
show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller

My photographs don't do me justice -
they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller



I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive.
My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-Phyllis Diller



Tranquillizers work only if you follow
the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller



I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?'
He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
-Phyllis Diller

The reason the golf pro tells you to keep
your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller



You know you're old if they have
discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

I miss the lady.

badbobby Loc: texas

she was quite the bawdy old woman and extremely funny

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

BB, do you remember Sophie Tucker, one of the earliest bawdy old women

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

Mae West was no wallflower.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

No, she wasn't.

Word was that a young BB carried a pistol on him whenever she was around, because he was 'glad' to see her.

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

He was overjoyed when she told him to "Come up and see me sometime'.

bahmer

They were all good and she was a truly funny lady. Her and Bob Hope could really crack me up.

Peewee Loc: San Antonio, TX

No one ever thinks of or remembers poor ole Fang. I miss the Ed Sullivan Shu and Red Skelton.

bahmer

It was a good show and I always loved Red Skelton he was funny.

badbobby Loc: texas

vaguely Slat

badbobby Loc: texas

there's no longer any real comedians
it's now who can be the dirtiest
nothin funny about them

bahmer

We had Bob Hope, Tim Conway, Harvey Korman, Carol Burnett,
and countless others and they were good and didn't use profanity
they were just good clean actors and actresses who loved people
and they loved comedy. Why not now?

goofball Loc: timbucktoo

Bobby, I used to see her in the clubs in NYC back in the days. She was one crazy woman! I had an after hour club back in the 70s she came one night, and we talked for about 3hrs. What a really wonderful lady! You wouldn't even recognize her off stage! One of the funniest ladies in the history of show business! Thanks for reminding me of her!

goofball Loc: timbucktoo

Do any of you remember Bell Barth? She used to say, line ten men up against the wall I'll betcha ten dollars I'll bang them All! Sound off one two sound off three four sound off one two three four! She was a Miami Beach favorite back in the early 60s!