RETW Loc: Washington

These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published
by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the
exchanges were taking place.


_______________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year
-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, very close to your IQ.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a
new attorney?

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant
to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you attend?
WITNESS: Oral.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

proud republican Loc: RED CALIFORNIA

Jesus Christ!!! I hope i never get ANY of these attorneys!!!! But its hilarious as hell!!!

out of the woods Loc: to hell and gone New York State

Very, very, funny, thanks.

glibona Loc: Nevada

Hilarious!

Loki Loc: Georgia

It just goes to show; attorneys wear neckties in court so they can have some way to hold down the foreskin.

Bun723

Just another reason not to trust an attorney. How many attorneys are in congress and the Senate (LOTS) most of which were terrible attorneys don’t you think?👍🇺🇸🙏🏻

Loki Loc: Georgia

According to the Congressional Research Service 60 Senators and 170 Representatives list their occupation as "lawyer."
(This number, according to the average voter, skyrockets to nearly 100% when you substitute the word "shyster" for lawyer.

Doc110 Loc: York PA

RETW,

I was present in a court room in Alaska, where this upstart Attorney in question, had the whole court room in laughter for about two minutes.

Naturally the Judge was banging away on his gavel, Order In The Court . . . Order In The Court . . .

Where he then admonished the attorney for the elderly line of questioning to the witness.

It's time to add this one to "Disorder in the Court.

Doc110
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: I see that you don’t wear glasses at your old age of 92?
WITNESS: Yes
ATTORNEY: Well just how far can you see, at your age?
WITNESS: Well sonny, I can see all the way to the Moon, with out glasses.



[quote=RETW

These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published
by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, very close to your IQ.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you attend?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.[/quote]

lindajoy Loc: right here with you....

Lololol I love these.. Being in the field I’ve heard some pretty good ones too..!!!

Now sending these off to others!!! Lololol

I love the one~~ were you present when they took your picture ~~reply~ are you shitting me!!! Lolol

RETW Loc: Washington

Hi dear lady. I'm very glad you got your funny bone tickled. All though, ... just a thought ...

I'm not sure where anyone's funny bone is. I'll have to think about that. ... a lot ...


Be that as it may, I do hope you have recovered from your illness. For it's a brand new year. And if our leader keeps going at the pace he is now, goods times should be here again.

Please keep safe, will you?

RETW

lindajoy Loc: right here with you....

I have for the most part completely recovered.. Being in the sun and beauty of Hawaii will heal anyone..

Still a slight cough but soooo much better..

I will keep safe and I ask you to do the same.. You always give me the most beautiful pictures and messages.. Thank You ever so much...

God Bless you and yours, always...

CD

Brought tears to my eyes, of laughter. Thanks so. Great start to the day.

Larry the Legend Loc: Not hiding in Milton

As we all know, there are two professions that require payment up-front. One is a practitioner of the 'oldest profession', the other... A lawyer.

bahmer

I'm glad that I wasn't drinking coffee when I read that.

maryjane

Wonderful!! Enjoyed every one. Many thanks for the laughs.