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Squirrels -v- Church...
Dec 6, 2017 16:14:50   #
Don G. Dinsdale Loc: El Cajon, CA (San Diego County)
 
Thought you would enjoy this.....


The Squirrels vs. The Church

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.

Reply
Dec 6, 2017 22:15:46   #
no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun
 
Don G. Dinsdale wrote:
Thought you would enjoy this.....


The Squirrels vs. The Church

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.
Thought you would enjoy this..... br br br The ... (show quote)



Ray Stevens - The Mississippi Squirrel Revival lyrics
Verse 1
Well when I was kid I'd take a trip
every summer,
down to Mississippi.
To visit my granny in her ante bellum world.
I'd run barefooted all day long,
climbing trees free as a song.
One day I happened catch myself a squirrel.
I stuffed him down in an old shoebox,
punched a couple holes in the top and when Sunday came,
I snuck him in the church.
I was sittin way back in the very last pew
showin him to my good buddy Hugh,
when that squirrel got loose
and went totally berserk!
Well what happened next is hard to tell.
Some thought it was Heaven others thought it was Hell.
But the fact that something was among us
was plain to see.
As the choir sang "I Surrender All"
the squirrel ran up Harv Newlan's coveralls
Harv leaped to his feet and said,
"Somethin's got a hold on me!"
YEOW!
Chorus
The day the squirrel went berserk,
In the First Self-Righteous Church
in that sleepy little town of Pascagoula.
It was a fight for survival,
that broke out in revival.
They were jumpin pews and shouting Hallelujah!
Verse 2
Well Harv hit the aisles dancin and screamin
some thought he had religion
others thought he had a demon
Harv thought he had a weed eater loose
in his fruit of the looms.
He fell to his knees to plead and beg,
and that squirrel ran out of his britches leg,
unobserved to the other side of the room.
All the way down to the Amen pew
where sat Sister Bertha "Better than you"
Who had been watching all the commotion
with safistic glee.
Shoot, you should've seen the look in her eyes
when that squirrel jumped her garders and crossed her thighs.
she jumped to her feet and said,
"Lord have mercy on me!"
As the squirrel made laps inside her dress,
she began to cry and then to confess
to sins that would make a sailor blush with shame.
She told of gossip and church dissention,
but the thing that got the most attention
is when she talked about her love life
then she started naming names!
Chorus
The day the squirrel went berserk.
In the First Self-Righteous Church
in that sleepy little town of Pascagoula.
It was a fight for survival,
that broke out in revival.
They were jumpin pews and shouting Hallelujah!
Verse 3
Well seven deacons and then the pastor got saved
and 25,000 dollars got raised.
And 50 volunteered for missions in the Congo
on the spot.
and even without an invitaion
there were at least 500 rededications.
And we all got rebaptised whether we needed it or not.
Now you've heard the Bible stories I guess
of how He parted the waters for Moses to pass.
All the miracles God has brought to this ol' world.
But the one I'll remember to my dyin day
is how he put that church back on the narrow way
with a half crazed Mississippi Squirrel
The day the squirrel went berserk.
In the First Self-Righteous Church
Of that sleepy little town of Pascagoula.
It was a fight for survival,
that broke out in revival.
They were jumpin pews and shouting Halelujah!

Copy url

Soundtrack Lyrics - www.stlyrics.comRRay StevensThe Mississippi Squirrel Revival Lyrics


Reply
Dec 7, 2017 07:29:01   #
CD
 
Think we could let a few loose in Congress? Might be interesting.

Reply
 
 
Dec 7, 2017 09:10:24   #
Don G. Dinsdale Loc: El Cajon, CA (San Diego County)
 
Good One, Thanks... Don D.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
no propaganda please wrote:
Ray Stevens - The Mississippi Squirrel Revival lyrics
Verse 1
Well when I was kid I'd take a trip
every summer,
down to Mississippi.
To visit my granny in her ante bellum world.
I'd run barefooted all day long,
climbing trees free as a song.
One day I happened catch myself a squirrel.
I stuffed him down in an old shoebox,
punched a couple holes in the top and when Sunday came,
I snuck him in the church.
I was sittin way back in the very last pew
showin him to my good buddy Hugh,
when that squirrel got loose
and went totally berserk!
Well what happened next is hard to tell.
Some thought it was Heaven others thought it was Hell.
But the fact that something was among us
was plain to see.
As the choir sang "I Surrender All"
the squirrel ran up Harv Newlan's coveralls
Harv leaped to his feet and said,
"Somethin's got a hold on me!"
YEOW!
Chorus
The day the squirrel went berserk,
In the First Self-Righteous Church
in that sleepy little town of Pascagoula.
It was a fight for survival,
that broke out in revival.
They were jumpin pews and shouting Hallelujah!
Verse 2
Well Harv hit the aisles dancin and screamin
some thought he had religion
others thought he had a demon
Harv thought he had a weed eater loose
in his fruit of the looms.
He fell to his knees to plead and beg,
and that squirrel ran out of his britches leg,
unobserved to the other side of the room.
All the way down to the Amen pew
where sat Sister Bertha "Better than you"
Who had been watching all the commotion
with safistic glee.
Shoot, you should've seen the look in her eyes
when that squirrel jumped her garders and crossed her thighs.
she jumped to her feet and said,
"Lord have mercy on me!"
As the squirrel made laps inside her dress,
she began to cry and then to confess
to sins that would make a sailor blush with shame.
She told of gossip and church dissention,
but the thing that got the most attention
is when she talked about her love life
then she started naming names!
Chorus
The day the squirrel went berserk.
In the First Self-Righteous Church
in that sleepy little town of Pascagoula.
It was a fight for survival,
that broke out in revival.
They were jumpin pews and shouting Hallelujah!
Verse 3
Well seven deacons and then the pastor got saved
and 25,000 dollars got raised.
And 50 volunteered for missions in the Congo
on the spot.
and even without an invitaion
there were at least 500 rededications.
And we all got rebaptised whether we needed it or not.
Now you've heard the Bible stories I guess
of how He parted the waters for Moses to pass.
All the miracles God has brought to this ol' world.
But the one I'll remember to my dyin day
is how he put that church back on the narrow way
with a half crazed Mississippi Squirrel
The day the squirrel went berserk.
In the First Self-Righteous Church
Of that sleepy little town of Pascagoula.
It was a fight for survival,
that broke out in revival.
They were jumpin pews and shouting Halelujah!

Copy url

Soundtrack Lyrics - www.stlyrics.comRRay StevensThe Mississippi Squirrel Revival Lyrics

Ray Stevens - The Mississippi Squirrel Revival lyr... (show quote)

Reply
Dec 7, 2017 16:00:04   #
maryjane
 
Yey, you'all, I was feeling a little down today and really needed cheering up. Both posts soon had me giggling! Feel much better!

Reply
Dec 7, 2017 16:09:24   #
no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun
 
maryjane wrote:
Yey, you'all, I was feeling a little down today and really needed cheering up. Both posts soon had me giggling! Feel much better!


this should keep you smiling

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLPOQt_vkZc

https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=sfp&hsimp=yhs-001&hspart=mozilla&p=Dachshunds+with+erections+can%27t+climb+stairs.+song#id=1&vid=8372d3b1cda0659fa9c73aba2cbba5c3&action=click

Reply
Dec 7, 2017 21:48:49   #
Mike Easterday
 
Squirrels are amazing! 😀

Reply
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