Darwin Awards 2016 & 2017
Jun 28, 2017 21:50:28 #
The Darwin Awards are given to stupid people doing stupid things thereby insuring that they will not contribute to the gene pool. With the obvious evidence provided by their posts, you have to wonder when some of these leftist, socialist, etc. on OPP will step away from their keyboard and do something stupid, or maybe use their keyboard while taking a much needed bath from all the filth they throw around. Anyway, enjoy,,,,,or take pity on them.
(11 December 2016, England) Drop an iPhone into your bath water, no biggie, all you get is a nasty repair bill. But drop a charging iPhone into your bathwater...and suddenly coroners are demanding warning labels. It is with chagrin that this writer, known to bathe while poking at her laptop keyboard, shares news of the explicable demise of Richard Bull and his iPhone. Mr. Bull, 32, plugged his charger into an extension cord and rested the charger on his chest while using the phone in the tub. He received severe burns on his chest, arm, and hand when the charger touched the water in his West London home, which mattered little as he was already dead from heart failure. Those of us who plug into plugged-in electronics must heed the coroner's warning and take a breather in the loo. The sparky mix of electricity and water is a fact known to all, yet the doctor who conducted the iNquest plans to send a stern note to Apple. Perhaps one more warning label will solve our problem? It was not traffic he was trying to beat...
Remember democrats, no writing to OPP while in the tub. We really enjoy correcting your posts and straightening you out.
(23 September 2016, Virginia) Sidney Zelaya Gonzalez, 20, was pinning a king-size mattress to top of a van with the weight of her body, intent on claiming the free curb-side find, when her luck ran out. Perhaps the young woman was testing a physics theory and betting that friction would keep the two fixed in place. Alas, both of them slipped off the moving vehicle and, unfortunately, one of them did not bounce back. The young woman was nominated for the notorious Darwin Award when it became apparent that she was suffering from a terminal case of bed-head.
The poor judgment of the dearly departed was confirmed when Prince William police spokesman Nathan Probus stated that the van was driven by an unlicensed driver. Police also shared the opinion that "the women were not trying to pull off some kind of stunt," which was true enough.
A new definition of curb service. Have a stiff one for your stiff one.
(22 January 2016, Michigan) Referred to as a "distracted driver," Clifford Ray Jones, 58, was driving without pants -- without seatbelt -- and with a porno flick screening on his mobile device. Add a wide-open sunroof on a cold winter Sunday, and you have a recipe for disaster. He should have kept his hands on the wheel instead of the stick. In the wee hours (at 3:40am) Clifford's Toyota went out of control on the onramp to I-75, rolled, and crashed, ejaculating our hero through the sunroof in a spectacular climax to his life. Come and gone, Clifford and his beloved wanky will be fondly remembered in our archives.
Was this jacksoffs. No wait, I read something from him yesterday.
(7 June 2016, Wyoming) Colin Mathaniel Scott, 23, was enjoying a graduation vacation at Yellowstone National Park when the beautiful Porkchop Geyser hot spring reminded him that he could use a good soak! But "hot-potting" is a forbidden delight, ruled off-limits for good reason: You will die.
Still, this was a college graduation trip. The Portland resident thought his edjumacation conferred the smarts to know when to break a rule. So Colin left the boardwalk and cruised up a hill in search of a private hot-pot soaking spot. In this area of the park, thin mineral crusts that resemble solid ground conceal scalding water pools! But he avoided these unseen pitfalls and found a secluded spring. Recorded on unreleased video, Colin is seen reaching down to check the temperature, slipping, and falling into the boiling acidic water. That was the beginning of the end. Chemistry students will be familiar with the properties of a turbulent hot acid solution. A significant amount of rapid dissolving was underway while recovery workers were struggling with dangerously unstable ground and a lightning storm. When they reached the spring the next day, the water had finished her work. There were no remains remaining! Park Superintendent Dan Wenk stated the obvious, "This tragic event must remind all of us to follow the regulations." College graduates are no exception. The Darwin Awards sincerely hopes this misadventure will serve as a warning to others -- #YourDeathMatters
Now he knows how a lobster feels.
(March 2017, England) What's that smell? A burglar removed a few roofing shingles and climbed into the roof of a chemist shop in Queensbury. On his way down, the man became stuck and was strangled by his own clothes. The asphyxiated pill seeker was found several weeks later and well into decomposition.
Does that count as a death due to drugs?
(25 March 2017, Mexico) Standing on a truck on an airport runway, our Double-Darwin Award Winners Nitzia and Clarissa chose a regrettable location for a cell phone selfie. Ms. Corral, 18, and Ms. Miranda, 17, were attending horse races that were held on a track adjacent to the runway. According to the Diario de Chíhuahua, the noise of the races and the desire for a new profile picture distracted the young women. They did not hear the motor of the descending aircraft, and the wing of the small plane struck and killed them instantly. The incident occured in Chínipas, Chíhuahua, in northern Mexico. People, wake up! to the plain hard fact that a mobile phone is a deadly distraction. Mobile devices take our awareness away from the physical world, and the Darwin Awards archives are stuffed overflowing with testimony proving the tragic truth of this. We mourn the deaths of two beautiful and lively young people, and cut down by such a careless mistake. Cell phones will kill you! Put them away and allow your senses to receive input from tangible reality. Please share this regrettable cautionary lesson, a public service announcement, #yourdeathmatters
Hey, they were just winging it.
(18 February 2017, Zimbabwe) Three male humans, three male elephants, and a dream of a perfect wildlife selfie combine to win to the first 2017 Darwin Award! In the town of Plumtree in southwestern Zimbabwe, Mr. Moses Ndlovu spotted three elephants in the bush. "Shrubbery! This will not do," he thought, and he and two friends began to drive the three male elephants into a clearing. The elephants cooperated, in a fashion.
A large bull elephant and two younger males came charging out of the shrubbery and headed for the provoking men! It was time to test the old truism, "I don't have to outrun that elephant, I just have to outrun you" The men took off running, each frantic to save his own hide. Moses, lagging behind, was trampled to death by the angry bull while his friends escaped. The entire blunder was a pointless waste of time for man and beast. I am sorry you are dead, Moses Ndlovu, but what were you thinking? As a consolation, your lamentable death serves as a warning to others: #ElephantsWantPrivacy
Reminds me of that idiot woman who tried to outrun the charging Republican elephant known as Trump. Kind of puts a smile on my face.
(9 April 2017, France) Locked in his bedroom by Mom, a French man leaves by climbing down the ethernet cable. At 1:30AM in Rouen a 47-year-old man attempted to leave his room by climbing down the ethernet cable. He chose this router because his concerned mother had locked him in his room to prevent him from intoxicating himself. Being heavier than a few gigabytes, his weight was too much for the cable and he crashed to the street from the 9th story apartment. The doctors could not resuscitate him, yet wouldn't he have found another way to remove himself from the gene pool?
Some of the people on OPP write like they are trapped in their basement. Maybe they are also trapped on the ninth floor.
(April 2017, Argentina) "Divine punishment," said the judge, deciding not to imprison a man who shot himself in the testicles while carrying an illegal weapon in his waistband. The man lost his family jewels, his job as a security guard, and was faced with years in prison until the court ruled that he had been punished enough by a higher authority. Instant karma? Reported widely in two major newspaper, Clarín and La Nacion, tact requires us to withhold the name of this Living Darwin Award Winner. Jobs are scarce in the man's town within Buenos Aires, and the unregistered 45-caliber Colt pistol had been given to him as part of his security job, creating a tragedy within a tragedy. The shooting occurred about two years ago. The final court decision occurred in April 2017. Although this was reported on April 1st, my contact Luis Burgueño assures me that Argentina celebrates Fools Day on December 28th, el dia de los santos inocentes.
You anti concealed carry types should love that one.
(21 March 2017, Germany) Blasting apart a ticketing machine at the train station was supposed to buy him a ticket to the good life, but instead the 31-year-old purchased passage in the opposite direction, losing his life in an explosion that ripped the metal front panel off the machine. The details are: he stiffened his resolve with a few drinks at a bar, he was spotted spraying cans of aerosol gas into a ticket vending machine, he placed the empties in a jute bag, and then he ignited the gas (by means undisclosed) causing an explosion that rocked the Dortmund neighborhood.
A bar acquaintance recognized him and called for emergency help. But, sprinkled with shrapnel wounds and suffering a substantial head injury, the man rapidly succumbed to death despite resuscitation efforts. Safety measures as simple as wearing a leather jacket and motorcycle helmet would have changed the outcome for Mr. One Way Ticket Out.
Well he did get a free ticket. a one way ticket to the morgue.
cheers
(11 December 2016, England) Drop an iPhone into your bath water, no biggie, all you get is a nasty repair bill. But drop a charging iPhone into your bathwater...and suddenly coroners are demanding warning labels. It is with chagrin that this writer, known to bathe while poking at her laptop keyboard, shares news of the explicable demise of Richard Bull and his iPhone. Mr. Bull, 32, plugged his charger into an extension cord and rested the charger on his chest while using the phone in the tub. He received severe burns on his chest, arm, and hand when the charger touched the water in his West London home, which mattered little as he was already dead from heart failure. Those of us who plug into plugged-in electronics must heed the coroner's warning and take a breather in the loo. The sparky mix of electricity and water is a fact known to all, yet the doctor who conducted the iNquest plans to send a stern note to Apple. Perhaps one more warning label will solve our problem? It was not traffic he was trying to beat...
Remember democrats, no writing to OPP while in the tub. We really enjoy correcting your posts and straightening you out.
(23 September 2016, Virginia) Sidney Zelaya Gonzalez, 20, was pinning a king-size mattress to top of a van with the weight of her body, intent on claiming the free curb-side find, when her luck ran out. Perhaps the young woman was testing a physics theory and betting that friction would keep the two fixed in place. Alas, both of them slipped off the moving vehicle and, unfortunately, one of them did not bounce back. The young woman was nominated for the notorious Darwin Award when it became apparent that she was suffering from a terminal case of bed-head.
The poor judgment of the dearly departed was confirmed when Prince William police spokesman Nathan Probus stated that the van was driven by an unlicensed driver. Police also shared the opinion that "the women were not trying to pull off some kind of stunt," which was true enough.
A new definition of curb service. Have a stiff one for your stiff one.
(22 January 2016, Michigan) Referred to as a "distracted driver," Clifford Ray Jones, 58, was driving without pants -- without seatbelt -- and with a porno flick screening on his mobile device. Add a wide-open sunroof on a cold winter Sunday, and you have a recipe for disaster. He should have kept his hands on the wheel instead of the stick. In the wee hours (at 3:40am) Clifford's Toyota went out of control on the onramp to I-75, rolled, and crashed, ejaculating our hero through the sunroof in a spectacular climax to his life. Come and gone, Clifford and his beloved wanky will be fondly remembered in our archives.
Was this jacksoffs. No wait, I read something from him yesterday.
(7 June 2016, Wyoming) Colin Mathaniel Scott, 23, was enjoying a graduation vacation at Yellowstone National Park when the beautiful Porkchop Geyser hot spring reminded him that he could use a good soak! But "hot-potting" is a forbidden delight, ruled off-limits for good reason: You will die.
Still, this was a college graduation trip. The Portland resident thought his edjumacation conferred the smarts to know when to break a rule. So Colin left the boardwalk and cruised up a hill in search of a private hot-pot soaking spot. In this area of the park, thin mineral crusts that resemble solid ground conceal scalding water pools! But he avoided these unseen pitfalls and found a secluded spring. Recorded on unreleased video, Colin is seen reaching down to check the temperature, slipping, and falling into the boiling acidic water. That was the beginning of the end. Chemistry students will be familiar with the properties of a turbulent hot acid solution. A significant amount of rapid dissolving was underway while recovery workers were struggling with dangerously unstable ground and a lightning storm. When they reached the spring the next day, the water had finished her work. There were no remains remaining! Park Superintendent Dan Wenk stated the obvious, "This tragic event must remind all of us to follow the regulations." College graduates are no exception. The Darwin Awards sincerely hopes this misadventure will serve as a warning to others -- #YourDeathMatters
Now he knows how a lobster feels.
(March 2017, England) What's that smell? A burglar removed a few roofing shingles and climbed into the roof of a chemist shop in Queensbury. On his way down, the man became stuck and was strangled by his own clothes. The asphyxiated pill seeker was found several weeks later and well into decomposition.
Does that count as a death due to drugs?
(25 March 2017, Mexico) Standing on a truck on an airport runway, our Double-Darwin Award Winners Nitzia and Clarissa chose a regrettable location for a cell phone selfie. Ms. Corral, 18, and Ms. Miranda, 17, were attending horse races that were held on a track adjacent to the runway. According to the Diario de Chíhuahua, the noise of the races and the desire for a new profile picture distracted the young women. They did not hear the motor of the descending aircraft, and the wing of the small plane struck and killed them instantly. The incident occured in Chínipas, Chíhuahua, in northern Mexico. People, wake up! to the plain hard fact that a mobile phone is a deadly distraction. Mobile devices take our awareness away from the physical world, and the Darwin Awards archives are stuffed overflowing with testimony proving the tragic truth of this. We mourn the deaths of two beautiful and lively young people, and cut down by such a careless mistake. Cell phones will kill you! Put them away and allow your senses to receive input from tangible reality. Please share this regrettable cautionary lesson, a public service announcement, #yourdeathmatters
Hey, they were just winging it.
(18 February 2017, Zimbabwe) Three male humans, three male elephants, and a dream of a perfect wildlife selfie combine to win to the first 2017 Darwin Award! In the town of Plumtree in southwestern Zimbabwe, Mr. Moses Ndlovu spotted three elephants in the bush. "Shrubbery! This will not do," he thought, and he and two friends began to drive the three male elephants into a clearing. The elephants cooperated, in a fashion.
A large bull elephant and two younger males came charging out of the shrubbery and headed for the provoking men! It was time to test the old truism, "I don't have to outrun that elephant, I just have to outrun you" The men took off running, each frantic to save his own hide. Moses, lagging behind, was trampled to death by the angry bull while his friends escaped. The entire blunder was a pointless waste of time for man and beast. I am sorry you are dead, Moses Ndlovu, but what were you thinking? As a consolation, your lamentable death serves as a warning to others: #ElephantsWantPrivacy
Reminds me of that idiot woman who tried to outrun the charging Republican elephant known as Trump. Kind of puts a smile on my face.
(9 April 2017, France) Locked in his bedroom by Mom, a French man leaves by climbing down the ethernet cable. At 1:30AM in Rouen a 47-year-old man attempted to leave his room by climbing down the ethernet cable. He chose this router because his concerned mother had locked him in his room to prevent him from intoxicating himself. Being heavier than a few gigabytes, his weight was too much for the cable and he crashed to the street from the 9th story apartment. The doctors could not resuscitate him, yet wouldn't he have found another way to remove himself from the gene pool?
Some of the people on OPP write like they are trapped in their basement. Maybe they are also trapped on the ninth floor.
(April 2017, Argentina) "Divine punishment," said the judge, deciding not to imprison a man who shot himself in the testicles while carrying an illegal weapon in his waistband. The man lost his family jewels, his job as a security guard, and was faced with years in prison until the court ruled that he had been punished enough by a higher authority. Instant karma? Reported widely in two major newspaper, Clarín and La Nacion, tact requires us to withhold the name of this Living Darwin Award Winner. Jobs are scarce in the man's town within Buenos Aires, and the unregistered 45-caliber Colt pistol had been given to him as part of his security job, creating a tragedy within a tragedy. The shooting occurred about two years ago. The final court decision occurred in April 2017. Although this was reported on April 1st, my contact Luis Burgueño assures me that Argentina celebrates Fools Day on December 28th, el dia de los santos inocentes.
You anti concealed carry types should love that one.
(21 March 2017, Germany) Blasting apart a ticketing machine at the train station was supposed to buy him a ticket to the good life, but instead the 31-year-old purchased passage in the opposite direction, losing his life in an explosion that ripped the metal front panel off the machine. The details are: he stiffened his resolve with a few drinks at a bar, he was spotted spraying cans of aerosol gas into a ticket vending machine, he placed the empties in a jute bag, and then he ignited the gas (by means undisclosed) causing an explosion that rocked the Dortmund neighborhood.
A bar acquaintance recognized him and called for emergency help. But, sprinkled with shrapnel wounds and suffering a substantial head injury, the man rapidly succumbed to death despite resuscitation efforts. Safety measures as simple as wearing a leather jacket and motorcycle helmet would have changed the outcome for Mr. One Way Ticket Out.
Well he did get a free ticket. a one way ticket to the morgue.
cheers
Jun 28, 2017 23:08:41 #
E wrote:
The Darwin Awards are given to stupid people doing... (show quote)
Einstein was right. "There are two things that are infinite. The Universe, and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the Universe."
Jun 29, 2017 16:40:26 #
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