Squiddiddler Loc: Phoenix

Bob was standing at the bar in Terminal 3 at the Dulles Airport when a small Chinese guy came in, stood next to him, and started drinking a beer.

Bob asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Jujitsu?”

"No I don't,” he said. And why the hell would you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?"

"No", Bob said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little shit."

Two Chinese exchange students arrive at the university cafeteria for lunch and ask what was available for lunch and were told there were pizza, hamburgers, hot dogs and fries.
They each order a hot dog and sit down at a table to eat.
After one unwraps the tin foil off his hot dog he looks at the hot dog and asks the other "So what part of the dog did you get?"

A Chinese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2100 yuan and walked out with $300.
The following week, he walked in with another 2100 yuan, and was handed $276.
He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.
The teller said, "Fluctuations."
The Chinese man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"
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There was an American man who lived in China for a while and while he was there he had a lot of sex and never used a condom.
He returned to America and one morning a few weeks later he woke up and noticed bright green and purple dots on his penis. The man freaked out.
He went to the doctor...

The doctor said "I have never seen anything like this before. We will need to run some tests."
So they ran some tests and he said come back in 3 days for your test results.

The man came back in 3 days and the doctor said "I have some bad news. You have a disease called pongolion HP. It is very uncommon here and we know little about it. I'm sorry sir but we will have to amputate your penis."
The man was horrified, so...

He went to a Chinese doctor thinking he would get a second opinion.
The doctor said "oh yes, pongolion HP, vewy ware. Yes." Said the Chinese Doctor.
"The American doctor wants to amputate my penis."
"Stupid Amewican doctah, make more money that way, no need amputate."
"Oh thank God" said the man.
"Yes, wait 2 weeks, fall off by itself."

A young man was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house. Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition: If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty lame," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

A man developed a problem passing gas....it made a noise that sounded like HONDA. Every time. He saw several white MD's who could not figure it out, so they sent him to an Oriental doctor who immediately saw the problem, the man imbibed in Absinthe. The man confirmed this and the Oriental doctor told him that if he stopped drinking the noise would stop He said "Absinthe makes the fart go HONDA!"

Oldsailor65 Loc: Iowa

A Pollock and a Checkoslovokin went bear hunting.

They came upon two bears that turned on them and attacked them. The larger of the two bears killed the Checkoslovokin and ate him.
The Pollock ran down the mountain in terror and stopped in the first bar he came to report what happened. All of the customers in the bar got their guns and went back up the mountain with the Pollock to kill the man-eating bear. They came upon two bears and asked the Pollock, did it look like these two bears and he said yes it did. They asked him which one killed and ate his buddy. The Pollock pointed at the larger bear (the male) and said it was him.

They killed the male bear and opened him up and found no evidence that he had just ate a human. The moral of this story is to never believe a Pollock when he says the check is in the mail.

badbobby Loc: texas

luved the one about the farmer and his daughter

pappadeux Loc: Phoenix AZ

The only Chinese joke that I am aware of is the one on its southern border.

goofball Loc: timbucktoo

Jew and Chinese sitting in a bar, Jew turns punched the Chinese guy, Chinese guy says why you do that? Jew says for invading Pearl harbor! Chinaman says I not Japanese I Chinese!! Jew says Japanese, Chinese, Korean, tiwan,all the same shit!
Five minutes later Chinese guy punched the Jew! Jew asked why did you do that for? Chinese guy says, that for sinking of Titanic! Jew asked what did Jew have to do with sinking the Titanic? Chinese guy says ship hit iceberg yes? Jew says yes, Chinese guy says well Iceberg, Goldberg Ginsberg, all same shit!

lindajoy Loc: right here with you....

Whacked, totally whacked😊😊👏👏👏

pappadeux Loc: Phoenix AZ

Yes Linda, about as "whacky" as one of my car lots, enjoy!

lindajoy Loc: right here with you....

Lol, too cute!!!