I have learned that my childhood sexual abuse experience says more about the abuser than about myself. And that my life and achievement is more about me than anyone else. As a psychiatrist I learned my experience was a double edged sword. That I could not afford to fall into a possible trap of thinking my experience with victims and victimhood was all there was to relationships and sexuality. As our culture moves into a world where safe, self controlled gay men can mentor young boys (without " special benefits,") in a healthy way for all concerned perhaps young boys can explore without undue commitment and sort themselves out with less confusion.

And we can relax knowing the children are safer.

I have always felt telling a child that's been abused that if they shink and hide then the abuser has won.I'v been told this is not healthy to tell them this. WHY NOT it's TRUE the abuser's whole purpose is to make them feel dirty and that its their fault and its what they deserve. If you hide and believe them they have accomplished their goal but if you struggle through the mental and emotional storm and come out stronger and build a life you pretty much flipped them off and told them I dont thinks you can go to hell. Personal opinion

I have always felt telling a child that's been abused that if they shink and hide then the abuser has won.I'v been told this is not healthy to tell them this. WHY NOT it's TRUE the abuser's whole purpose is to make them feel dirty and that its their fault and its what they deserve. If you hide and believe them they have accomplished their goal but if you struggle through the mental and emotional storm and come out stronger and build a life you pretty much flipped them off and told them I dont thinks you can go to hell. Personal opinion

A couple years ago, my girl cousins and I forgave our abuser at least enough to form a posse to sit with him at family gatherings and funerals and visit him at home to keep him socially active, content enough and safely away from the children. He had abused boys and girls. He was beginning early stages of Alzheimer's and is fairly demented at around 75 years of age and has plans for a Nursing Home this Spring.

Not all abused kids ever are able to tell their families, much less muster up a multigenerational task force to protect and serve! I count myself fortunate in that regard. But it is a lifetime of healing as NPP can attest, and some may no longer possess the inner conviction that they are capable or worthy of that effort or protection.

They just hurt. Helplessly.

Your advice IS prescribing a healthy attitude, for sure. But many of these kids can no longer act or respond in healthy ways. And to hear good hearted advice that the abuser has won might only depress some in their helpless terror. One sometimes has to go and meet them where they are. So I think your advice has merit in a lot of cases, but understand the caution you have also encountered.

You seem to be such a good and thoughtful man, bggamers!

OMG, it it 41° here in Nashville and heavy snow flurries are swirling against my windows! I'm in the nook of the bay window. What a fluke! I gotta watch this and rejoice in life's little surprises. And coffee.

I Will Say What the Political Leaders Cannot Say About Pete Buttigieg
Posted Feb 11, 2020 by Michael L. Brown

It is certainly politically incorrect to say this. In fact, in the eyes of many, what I’m about to say is a classic example of extreme religious bigotry. But I will say it nonetheless. Choosing an out and proud “married” gay man to run for president, let alone become president, would contribute to the further degeneration and moral confusion of our society along with further attacks on our most fundamental rights.

When I tweeted this statement out on February 8, it received far more retweets and likes than my average tweet. Far more. So, it obviously struck a chord. The support was strong and consistent.

Also, as expected, there were words of condemnation and rebuke, including this tweet from Bible teacher Gilbert Gonzalez Jr. He wrote: “Please tell me this tweet is from a different century. There is no way that anyone today that has any education would ever write something so generally uninformed, childish, and biblically ignorant. This is why people don’t take Christianity seriously. Its leaders refuse to learn.”

Obviously, I fully expected responses like this. That’s why I began my tweet by saying, “Call me a homophobic bigot, but I'll say it anyway.”

What else could I expect? The moment you say a word about Mayor Pete being “married” to another man, all while flaunting his deep Christian faith, you will be called a homophobic bigot.

So be it. I’ve been called worse things than that.

Come to think of it, Jesus Himself, our perfect Savior, was called far worse things.

And He told us to expect the same: “It is enough for students to be like their teachers, and servants like their masters. If the head of the house has been called Beelzebul [basically, the devil himself], how much more the members of his household!”

According to Prof. Randall Rauser, however, to call me a homophobic bigot is not out of line. (Prof. Rauser is a moderate Canadian evangelical and a constant basher of President Trump.) As he wrote in his blog, “Behavior and reasoning like this provide very plausible evidence that Christians like Brown have an irrational fear of and/or antipathy toward gay people.”

Indeed, according to Prof. Rauser, “Evangelicals like Brown fall over themselves to excuse Trump’s grotesque immorality. . . . Among his latest egregious actions, last week he mocked the words of Jesus at the National Prayer Breakfast while evangelical pastors laughed in the audience.”

But that’s where Prof. Rauser misses the point, as do Gilbert Gonzalez and other critics. (See also this excellent response to Rauser by Steve Hayes.)

First, I have never excused the president’s past immorality. In fact, I probably called attention to it as much as any evangelical leader during the primaries. To say, I “fall over [myself] to excuse Trump’s grotesque immorality” is to speak a lie.

Second, to this day, like a broken record, I draw attention to aspects of the president’s behavior that I find destructive and harmful. In fact, shortly after the National Prayer Breakfast, I wrote an article addressing the very issues Prof. Rauser mentioned regarding Trump’s response to the words of Jesus.

So, to brand me hypocritical for speaking out against Mayor Pete’s proud homosexuality is to be either misinformed, dishonest, or both.

But there is a much bigger issue that the critics are missing.

President Trump is not flaunting his past immorality, nor is he pushing it presently. Instead, when the ugly tape of his lewd comments went public, he said, “I’ve never said I’m a perfect person, nor pretended to be someone that I’m not. I’ve said and done things I regret, and the words released today on this more than a decade-old video are one of them. Anyone who knows me knows these words don’t reflect who I am. I said it, I was wrong, and I apologize . . . . I pledge to be a better man tomorrow and will never, ever let you down.”

In stark contrast, Mayor Pete has talked about how his homosexual relationship to his “husband” Chasten has brought him closer to God. He has kissed his partner at public rallies. He is pushing his homosexuality, not apologizing for it.

You better believe that he will do everything in his power to normalize homosexual relationships even more in the eyes of America. He will also do his best to marginalize those who are convinced that these relationships are contrary to the will of God.

And this leads me to the primary reason for my tweet (and for this article).

It is not so much that homosexual practice is worse than adultery or fornication. Rather, it is the fact that there is an aggressive, gay agenda that has systematically undermined biblical morals for decades. It has also sought to silence all dissenting voices, becoming the principle threat to our religious and moral freedoms.

That’s why I’ve been active in resisting LGBT activism since 2004, reaching out to individuals with compassion but resisting the agenda with courage.

And so, it is not the people whom I oppose. (God forbid. I’ve made that clear hundreds, if not thousands of times.) It is not even homosexual acts which primarily concern me (although issues of health and safety should not be ignored.)

It is an aggressive agenda that I oppose, one that I and others have tracked carefully for many years. (See already the important 2003 volume by Alan Sears and Craig Osten, The Homosexual Agenda: Exposing the Principal Threat to Religious Freedom Today.)

It is an agenda that would only be fueled with great intensity by an out and proud gay president.

And so, just as President Obama’s administration pushed radical trans activism on our nation’s schools, under severe penalties, things would only intensify under a president who would flaunt his “husband” being the country’s first “First Gentleman.”

In the end, this has nothing to do with having “an irrational fear of and/or antipathy toward gay people.” (How is it that Christian leaders end up repeating the world’s talking points?)

Instead, it has everything to do with recognizing where gay activism has taken us in the last 50+ years and recognizing where it wants to take us next.

I, for one, will continue to sound the alarm in advance.

Things are confused enough already. We don’t need to make things any worse.

Calling me a homophobic bigot will only avoid dealing with the real issues at hand.

We avoid them to our own demise.

A couple years ago, my girl cousins and I forgave our abuser at least enough to form a posse to sit with him at family gatherings and funerals and visit him at home to keep him socially active, content enough and safely away from the children. He had abused boys and girls. He was beginning early stages of Alzheimer's and is fairly demented at around 75 years of age and has plans for a Nursing Home this Spring.

Not all abused kids ever are able to tell their families, much less muster up a multigenerational task force to protect and serve! I count myself fortunate in that regard. But it is a lifetime of healing as NPP can attest, and some may no longer possess the inner conviction that they are capable or worthy of that effort or protection.

They just hurt. Helplessly.

Your advice IS prescribing a healthy attitude, for sure. But many of these kids can no longer act or respond in healthy ways. And to hear good hearted advice that the abuser has won might only depress some in their helpless terror. One sometimes has to go and meet them where they are. So I think your advice has merit in a lot of cases, but understand the caution you have also encountered.

You seem to be such a good and thoughtful man, bggamers!

OMG, it it 41° here in Nashville and heavy snow flurries are swirling against my windows! I'm in the nook of the bay window. What a fluke! I gotta watch this and rejoice in life's little surprises. And coffee.

Enjoy it while you can summer is just around the corner oh by the by I'm a mean old woman just thought you should know have blessed day

I have always felt telling a child that's been abused that if they shink and hide then the abuser has won.I'v been told this is not healthy to tell them this. WHY NOT it's TRUE the abuser's whole purpose is to make them feel dirty and that its their fault and its what they deserve. If you hide and believe them they have accomplished their goal but if you struggle through the mental and emotional storm and come out stronger and build a life you pretty much flipped them off and told them I dont thinks you can go to hell. Personal opinion

Similar advice for a gay child (or presidential candidate) being derogated for being gay within a consensual relationship?

~


you shall above all things be glad and young

you shall above all things be glad and young
For if you’re young,whatever life you wear

it will become you;and if you are glad
whatever’s living will yourself become.
Girlboys may nothing more than boygirls need:
i can entirely her only love

whose any mystery makes every man’s
flesh put space on;and his mind take off time

that you should ever think,may god forbid
and (in his mercy) your true lover spare:
for that way knowledge lies,the foetal grave
called progress,and negation’s dead undoom.

I’d rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance

— e.e. cummings