Old rural sayin's...
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach."
"She's crazy as a run-over dog."
"He's runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cut off."
"I need that like I need a sharp stick in the eye." -OR- "It beats a sharp stick in the eye."
"You've got me cryin' tears as big as horse turds.
"They've got the personality of a bag of chapped assholes."
"Haven't eaten anything yet I wanted to spit back out."
(When food is real good) "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out."
(when something is unlikely/calling someone a liar)
-"Yeah, and I'm a gypsy jet pilot."
-"Anyone would believe that standing on their head."
"He can't carry a tune in a bucket."
"She's got a face like the business end of an old plow horse."
"He's busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest."
"...like white on rice."
"...cold as a witches tit." or "...cold as a well-digger's ass."
"He's so full o' shit his eyes are turning brown."
"He's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog."
"Finer than a frog's hair"
"He couldn't find his way out of a torn paper bag."
"'Bout as full as a tick."
"Mad as a cat dunked in water."
"He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."
"She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick."
"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining."
"About as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."
"He's drunker than Cooter Brown"
Instead of saying "Be there soon." they all say "Be there directly."
"He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."
"Does a bear shit in the woods?"
"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?"
"Are pork chops greasy?"
"Don't go getting your panties in a wad."
"He's so poor, he ain't got two nickels to rub together."
"Up shit creek without a paddle."
"He's so slick he could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves."
"He could sell ice to an Eskimo."
"I'll be on you like a dog on a meat wagon."
"That's enough to make the preacher cuss."
"He's got about as much sense as tree bark."
"He's got a snowball's chance in hell of..."
slatten49 wrote:
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach."
"She's crazy as a run-over dog."
"He's runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cut off."
"I need that like I need a sharp stick in the eye." -OR- "It beats a sharp stick in the eye."
"You've got me cryin' tears as big as horse turds.
"They've got the personality of a bag of chapped assholes."
"Haven't eaten anything yet I wanted to spit back out."
(When food is real good) "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out."
(when something is unlikely/calling someone a liar)
-"Yeah, and I'm a gypsy jet pilot."
-"Anyone would believe that standing on their head."
"He can't carry a tune in a bucket."
"She's got a face like the business end of an old plow horse."
"He's busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest."
"...like white on rice."
"...cold as a witches tit." or "...cold as a well-digger's ass."
"He's so full o' shit his eyes are turning brown."
"He's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog."
"Finer than a frog's hair"
"He couldn't find his way out of a torn paper bag."
"'Bout as full as a tick."
"Mad as a cat dunked in water."
"He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."
"She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick."
"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining."
"About as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."
"He's drunker than Cooter Brown"
Instead of saying "Be there soon." they all say "Be there directly."
"He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."
"Does a bear shit in the woods?"
"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?"
"Are pork chops greasy?"
"Don't go getting your panties in a wad."
"He's so poor, he ain't got two nickels to rub together."
"Up shit creek without a paddle."
"He's so slick he could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves."
"He could sell ice to an Eskimo."
"I'll be on you like a dog on a meat wagon."
"That's enough to make the preacher cuss."
"He's got about as much sense as tree bark."
"He's got a snowball's chance in hell of..."
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach." br br ... (
show quote)
Mine, bet you ain't heard these ones!
On a beer day
You can pee forever.
Shit right
wipe once.
Not very good, but original.
bilordinary wrote:
Mine, bet you ain't heard these ones!
On a beer day
You can pee forever.
Shit right
wipe once.
Not very good, but original.
Consider 'em added to the list
slatten49 wrote:
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach."
"She's crazy as a run-over dog."
"He's runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cut off."
"I need that like I need a sharp stick in the eye." -OR- "It beats a sharp stick in the eye."
"You've got me cryin' tears as big as horse turds.
"They've got the personality of a bag of chapped assholes."
"Haven't eaten anything yet I wanted to spit back out."
(When food is real good) "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out."
(when something is unlikely/calling someone a liar)
-"Yeah, and I'm a gypsy jet pilot."
-"Anyone would believe that standing on their head."
"He can't carry a tune in a bucket."
"She's got a face like the business end of an old plow horse."
"He's busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest."
"...like white on rice."
"...cold as a witches tit." or "...cold as a well-digger's ass."
"He's so full o' shit his eyes are turning brown."
"He's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog."
"Finer than a frog's hair"
"He couldn't find his way out of a torn paper bag."
"'Bout as full as a tick."
"Mad as a cat dunked in water."
"He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."
"She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick."
"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining."
"About as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."
"He's drunker than Cooter Brown"
Instead of saying "Be there soon." they all say "Be there directly."
"He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."
"Does a bear shit in the woods?"
"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?"
"Are pork chops greasy?"
"Don't go getting your panties in a wad."
"He's so poor, he ain't got two nickels to rub together."
"Up shit creek without a paddle."
"He's so slick he could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves."
"He could sell ice to an Eskimo."
"I'll be on you like a dog on a meat wagon."
"That's enough to make the preacher cuss."
"He's got about as much sense as tree bark."
"He's got a snowball's chance in hell of..."
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach." br br ... (
show quote)
You forgot "He could sell shoes to a snake."
I don't know what to say!
slatten49 wrote:
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach."
"She's crazy as a run-over dog."
"He's runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cut off."
"I need that like I need a sharp stick in the eye." -OR- "It beats a sharp stick in the eye."
"You've got me cryin' tears as big as horse turds.
"They've got the personality of a bag of chapped assholes."
"Haven't eaten anything yet I wanted to spit back out."
(When food is real good) "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out."
(when something is unlikely/calling someone a liar)
-"Yeah, and I'm a gypsy jet pilot."
-"Anyone would believe that standing on their head."
"He can't carry a tune in a bucket."
"She's got a face like the business end of an old plow horse."
"He's busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest."
"...like white on rice."
"...cold as a witches tit." or "...cold as a well-digger's ass."
"He's so full o' shit his eyes are turning brown."
"He's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog."
"Finer than a frog's hair"
"He couldn't find his way out of a torn paper bag."
"'Bout as full as a tick."
"Mad as a cat dunked in water."
"He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."
"She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick."
"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining."
"About as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."
"He's drunker than Cooter Brown"
Instead of saying "Be there soon." they all say "Be there directly."
"He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."
"Does a bear shit in the woods?"
"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?"
"Are pork chops greasy?"
"Don't go getting your panties in a wad."
"He's so poor, he ain't got two nickels to rub together."
"Up shit creek without a paddle."
"He's so slick he could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves."
"He could sell ice to an Eskimo."
"I'll be on you like a dog on a meat wagon."
"That's enough to make the preacher cuss."
"He's got about as much sense as tree bark."
"He's got a snowball's chance in hell of..."
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach." br br ... (
show quote)
Ya can't get there from here!
slatten49 wrote:
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach."
"She's crazy as a run-over dog."
"He's runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cut off."
"I need that like I need a sharp stick in the eye." -OR- "It beats a sharp stick in the eye."
"You've got me cryin' tears as big as horse turds.
"They've got the personality of a bag of chapped assholes."
"Haven't eaten anything yet I wanted to spit back out."
(When food is real good) "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out."
(when something is unlikely/calling someone a liar)
-"Yeah, and I'm a gypsy jet pilot."
-"Anyone would believe that standing on their head."
"He can't carry a tune in a bucket."
"She's got a face like the business end of an old plow horse."
"He's busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest."
"...like white on rice."
"...cold as a witches tit." or "...cold as a well-digger's ass."
"He's so full o' shit his eyes are turning brown."
"He's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog."
"Finer than a frog's hair"
"He couldn't find his way out of a torn paper bag."
"'Bout as full as a tick."
"Mad as a cat dunked in water."
"He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."
"She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick."
"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining."
"About as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."
"He's drunker than Cooter Brown"
Instead of saying "Be there soon." they all say "Be there directly."
"He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."
"Does a bear shit in the woods?"
"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?"
"Are pork chops greasy?"
"Don't go getting your panties in a wad."
"He's so poor, he ain't got two nickels to rub together."
"Up shit creek without a paddle."
"He's so slick he could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves."
"He could sell ice to an Eskimo."
"I'll be on you like a dog on a meat wagon."
"That's enough to make the preacher cuss."
"He's got about as much sense as tree bark."
"He's got a snowball's chance in hell of..."
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach." br br ... (
show quote)
Running around like a chicken with its head chopped off and Looks like she was hit by an ugly stick. Favorites, the others must have been Texan.
Smedley_buzkill wrote:
You forgot "He could sell shoes to a snake."
I only posted a sampling, Smedley. Perhaps, at a later time, I will present more. I certainly recall that one, though.
slatten49 wrote:
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach."
"She's crazy as a run-over dog."
"He's runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cut off."
"I need that like I need a sharp stick in the eye." -OR- "It beats a sharp stick in the eye."
"You've got me cryin' tears as big as horse turds.
"They've got the personality of a bag of chapped assholes."
"Haven't eaten anything yet I wanted to spit back out."
(When food is real good) "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out."
(when something is unlikely/calling someone a liar)
-"Yeah, and I'm a gypsy jet pilot."
-"Anyone would believe that standing on their head."
"He can't carry a tune in a bucket."
"She's got a face like the business end of an old plow horse."
"He's busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest."
"...like white on rice."
"...cold as a witches tit." or "...cold as a well-digger's ass."
"He's so full o' shit his eyes are turning brown."
"He's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog."
"Finer than a frog's hair"
"He couldn't find his way out of a torn paper bag."
"'Bout as full as a tick."
"Mad as a cat dunked in water."
"He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."
"She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick."
"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining."
"About as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."
"He's drunker than Cooter Brown"
Instead of saying "Be there soon." they all say "Be there directly."
"He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."
"Does a bear shit in the woods?"
"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?"
"Are pork chops greasy?"
"Don't go getting your panties in a wad."
"He's so poor, he ain't got two nickels to rub together."
"Up shit creek without a paddle."
"He's so slick he could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves."
"He could sell ice to an Eskimo."
"I'll be on you like a dog on a meat wagon."
"That's enough to make the preacher cuss."
"He's got about as much sense as tree bark."
"He's got a snowball's chance in hell of..."
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach." br br ... (
show quote)
I'll add this in tribute to my late cowboy friend, Jim Bob Walden.
Sore as a fag's ass.
slatten49 wrote:
Well, okay then, Arch.
Hey, it was funny when he called it in to the radio show and it made air before they could stop it!
archie bunker wrote:
Hey, it was funny when he called it in to the radio show and it made air before they could stop it!
Well, then Arch, that's a whole different story.
slatten49 wrote:
Well, then Arch, that's a whole different story.
It was funnier'n yur ex wife fallin down the stairs!
archie bunker wrote:
It was funnier'n yur ex wife fallin down the stairs!
Why do I suspect your ex-wife falling down the stairs would be more your preference
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