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Jun 18, 2016 03:05:14   #
lindajoy
 
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.

One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered spine are doctors today. The rest of us are sending jokes via email.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Florida


A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette
convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road,
he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through
what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue
lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110,
then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!"
and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.


Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked
up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift
ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason
for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with
a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.



Georgia
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice,
so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University
of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%,
how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."


Louisiana
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ...
"When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."
When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause
everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."


Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said
to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."


North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road,
and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one
behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious
he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell
you to put flares in the front and flares in the back.
I never did understand it neither."


Tennessee
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65.
The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"


Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his
pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping
garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says:
'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "
***




Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South,
but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.

| Reply
Jun 18, 2016 07:47:48   #
slatten49 (a regular here)
 
In Texas, we call it trash.

| Reply
Jun 18, 2016 08:10:58   #
lpnmajor (a regular here)
 
lindajoy wrote:
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.

One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered spine are doctors today. The rest of us are sending jokes via email.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Florida


A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette
convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road,
he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through
what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue
lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110,
then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!"
and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.


Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked
up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift
ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason
for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with
a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.



Georgia
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice,
so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University
of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%,
how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."


Louisiana
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ...
"When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."
When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause
everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."


Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said
to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."


North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road,
and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one
behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious
he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell
you to put flares in the front and flares in the back.
I never did understand it neither."


Tennessee
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65.
The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"


Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his
pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping
garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says:
'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "
***




Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South,
but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor... (show quote)


Stands to reason. Doncha no iny fisicks? Shit rolls down hill, witch is why they says "up North" and "down South". We getcha back though - we send our worst turds up North to DC.

| Reply
Jun 18, 2016 08:19:39   #
lindajoy
 
slatten49 wrote:
In Texas, we call it trash.


We call it "pick up the damn trash already, here in Chi-Town", they are always late if not the next day..lolol

Good morning my friend..Nice to see you.....

| Reply
Jun 18, 2016 08:22:14   #
lindajoy
 
lpnmajor wrote:
Stands to reason. Doncha no iny fisicks? Shit rolls down hill, witch is why they says "up North" and "down South". We getcha back though - we send our worst turds up North to DC.


witchya on that one..

.

Had a friend tell me just last night DC really means~damn criminals at large...She is right too~~

| Reply
Jun 18, 2016 08:35:22   #
lpnmajor (a regular here)
 
lindajoy wrote:
witchya on that one..

.

Had a friend tell me just last night DC really means~damn criminals at large...She is right too~~


Yup. I say DC stands for Distended Colon - cause it's chockablock full of turds. Every time that DC farts, it stinks up the whole country and half the world.

| Reply
Jun 18, 2016 10:52:22   #
lindajoy
 
lpnmajor wrote:
Yup. I say DC stands for Distended Colon - cause it's chockablock full of turds. Every time that DC farts, it stinks up the whole country and half the world.


That about covers it!!!

| Reply
Jun 19, 2016 18:48:13   #
badbobby (a regular here)
 
slatten49 wrote:
In Texas, we call it trash.


sometimes we call it chit

| Reply
Jun 19, 2016 18:50:45   #
badbobby (a regular here)
 
lindajoy wrote:
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.

One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered spine are doctors today. The rest of us are sending jokes via email.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Florida


A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette
convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road,
he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through
what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue
lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110,
then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!"
and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.


Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked
up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift
ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason
for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with
a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.



Georgia
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice,
so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University
of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%,
how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."


Louisiana
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ...
"When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."
When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause
everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."


Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said
to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."


North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road,
and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one
behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious
he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell
you to put flares in the front and flares in the back.
I never did understand it neither."


Tennessee
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65.
The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"


Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his
pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping
garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says:
'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "
***




Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South,
but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor... (show quote)



oh my achin a---I mean eyes

| Reply
Jun 20, 2016 11:17:23   #
lindajoy
 
badbobby wrote:
oh my achin a---I mean eyes


You are a riot!!

| Reply
Jun 20, 2016 23:38:14   #
badbobby (a regular here)
 
lindajoy wrote:
You are a riot!!



and you
are a lovely person
both physically and mentally
also a gun toting Mama

| Reply
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