Heh...heh...heh...heh!!!!!
Nov 2, 2013 17:25:43 #
Many of you heap lavish praise upon your spouses and declare how much you love them, etc., etc.
PROVE IT!! Give them a big smirking smile for Saturday!
Oil Change instructions for Women:
Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometers since the last oil change.
Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper.
15 minutes later, pay bill leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $40.00
Coffee: $2.00
Total: $42.00
Oil Change instructions for Men:
Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $50.00.
Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a slab of beer, write a cheque for $40, drive home.
Open a beer and drink it.
Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
Find jack stands under caravan.
In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
Place drain pan under engine.
Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
Give up and use crescent wrench.
Unscrew drain plug.
Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Curse and swear.
Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
Have another beer while watching oil drain.
Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes.
Cleverly, hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties.
Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
Dump first liter of fresh oil into engine.
Remember drain plug from step 11. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
Drink beer.
Discover that first liter of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.
Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
Begin swearing fit.
Throw stupid crescent wrench.
Beer.
Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
Beer.
Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
Beer.
Lower car from jack stands.
Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
Beer.
Test drive car.
Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
Car is impounded.
Call loving wife, make bail.
12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $40.00
Total: $4,185.00
But you know the job was done right!
PROVE IT!! Give them a big smirking smile for Saturday!
Oil Change instructions for Women:
Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometers since the last oil change.
Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper.
15 minutes later, pay bill leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $40.00
Coffee: $2.00
Total: $42.00
Oil Change instructions for Men:
Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $50.00.
Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a slab of beer, write a cheque for $40, drive home.
Open a beer and drink it.
Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
Find jack stands under caravan.
In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
Place drain pan under engine.
Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
Give up and use crescent wrench.
Unscrew drain plug.
Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Curse and swear.
Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
Have another beer while watching oil drain.
Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes.
Cleverly, hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties.
Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
Dump first liter of fresh oil into engine.
Remember drain plug from step 11. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
Drink beer.
Discover that first liter of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.
Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
Begin swearing fit.
Throw stupid crescent wrench.
Beer.
Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
Beer.
Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
Beer.
Lower car from jack stands.
Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
Beer.
Test drive car.
Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
Car is impounded.
Call loving wife, make bail.
12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $40.00
Total: $4,185.00
But you know the job was done right!
Nov 2, 2013 18:31:02 #
Nov 2, 2013 18:39:21 #
banjojack wrote:
Smart *&&
It's IQ is higher then some who post on the site. :D 8-)
Very late edit. Higher IQ and not as full of fecal matter in many instances. :shock:
Nov 2, 2013 20:13:06 #
AuntiE wrote:
It's IQ is higher then some who post on the site. :D 8-)
Very late edit. Higher IQ and not as full of fecal matter in many instances. :shock:
Very late edit. Higher IQ and not as full of fecal matter in many instances. :shock:
"Than," not "then."
Nov 2, 2013 20:20:12 #
banjojack wrote:
"Than," not "then."
You know after all these months and instructions by about a gazillionbillion (neologism) individuals I NEVER EVER get it right. I am going to go back to th/e/an. I have read and read and read the correct usage and have a TOTAL mental block. My BFF is a "language arts" teacher in the Who's Who of Education three times and cannot get it in my brain. Just accept the VV will be consistently correcting me. :oops: :-o :cry: :-(
Nov 2, 2013 20:32:04 #
AuntiE wrote:
You know after all these months and instructions by about a gazillionbillion (neologism) individuals I NEVER EVER get it right. I am going to go back to th/e/an. I have read and read and read the correct usage and have a TOTAL mental block. My BFF is a "language arts" teacher in the Who's Who of Education three times and cannot get it in my brain. Just accept the VV will be consistently correcting me. :oops: :-o :cry: :-(
That's OK AuntiE, we love you, warts (then/than) and all.
Nov 2, 2013 20:36:30 #
Old_Gringo wrote:
That's OK AuntiE, we love you, warts (then/than) and all.
Warts? Don't you mean "disitnguishing characteristics? Anyway, Mr. and Mrs. AuntiE got banjo a present, so they get lots of passes.
Nov 2, 2013 20:40:57 #
banjojack wrote:
Warts? Don't you mean "disitnguishing characteristics? Anyway, Mr. and Mrs. AuntiE got banjo a present, so they get lots of passes.
We were truly happy to obtain what you were seeking.
I have no idea why I am completely blocked on then/an. No one has any idea how frustrating it is for a grammar/spelling/sentence geek such as myself. :!: :!: :thumbdown: :oops:
Nov 2, 2013 20:45:05 #
Old_Gringo wrote:
That's OK AuntiE, we love you, warts (then/than) and all.
Mean very mean! :!:
As opposed to some, I freely admit my inadequacy on these words. "My" Alex tried to help. I thought I had it learned; however, have failed even Alex's attempt to help. At least, the Navy personnel are being kind. :thumbup:
Nov 2, 2013 20:49:11 #
banjojack wrote:
Warts? Don't you mean "disitnguishing characteristics? Anyway, Mr. and Mrs. AuntiE got banjo a present, so they get lots of passes.
So you discovered bribery does work.
Nov 2, 2013 20:51:46 #
AuntiE wrote:
Mean very mean! :!:
As opposed to some, I freely admit my inadequacy on these words. "My" Alex tried to help. I thought I had it learned; however, have failed even Alex's attempt to help. At least, the Navy personnel are being kind. :thumbup:
As opposed to some, I freely admit my inadequacy on these words. "My" Alex tried to help. I thought I had it learned; however, have failed even Alex's attempt to help. At least, the Navy personnel are being kind. :thumbup:
Of course the Navy Personnel are kind. They are aware the Marines are near by if they aren't.
Nov 2, 2013 20:59:29 #
Old_Gringo wrote:
So you discovered bribery does work.
Leave the VV alone. We offered and have not asked for any recompense in any form or fashion.
Nov 2, 2013 21:04:42 #
Old_Gringo wrote:
Of course the Navy Personnel are kind. They are aware the Marines are near by if they aren't.
However, the Marines have not provided any assistance to resolve my total inability on these two words. Only "my" Alex of the Navy has been helpful! :!: :!:
Of course, it may be the Marines who fit the second portion of the "oil change" scenario. 8-) :roll:
Nov 2, 2013 21:17:04 #
AuntiE wrote:
However, the Marines have not provided any assistance to resolve my total inability on these two words. Only "my" Alex of the Navy has been helpful! :!: :!:
Of course, it may be the Marines who fit the second portion of the "oil change" scenario. 8-) :roll:
Of course, it may be the Marines who fit the second portion of the "oil change" scenario. 8-) :roll:
Now that's below the belt. Wait until I inform Boot about that.
Nov 3, 2013 07:30:58 #
Old_Gringo wrote:
So you discovered bribery does work.
I'm quite a sucker for it , actually. Before anyone comments, I made a typo on "distinguishing charateristics." The VV is not above self-reproach.
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