Two Religious Jokes: I apologize in advance if anyone is offended by these - that certainly isn't my intent. But I think most will see some humor (and maybe a modicum of t***h) in...

PaulPisces Loc: San Francisco

I apologize in advance if anyone is offended by these - that certainly isn't my intent. But I think most will see some humor (and maybe a modicum of t***h) in them.

"What's the definition of a Methodist?"
"Oh that's just a Baptist who wants to drink but can't afford to be an Episcopalian."

"What are the three great t***hs of religion?"

1. Jews do not recognize Christ as the Messiah."
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the church.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store."

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

PaulPisces wrote:

I apologize in advance if anyone is offended by th... (show quote)

This has been around for years but it is still funny and has some t***h to it.

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

PaulPisces wrote:

I apologize in advance if anyone is offended by th... (show quote)

Actually, the definition of a Methodist is a person safe to be out in the rain, because they have already been sprinkled.

The definition of a Baptist is someone safe in a flood, because they have already been immersed.

You should be southern enough to know what those two definitions mean.
:-D :-P

PaulPisces Loc: San Francisco

AuntiE wrote:

Actually, the definition of a Methodist is a person safe to be out in the rain, because they have already been sprinkled.

The definition of a Baptist is someone safe in a flood, because they have already been immersed.

You should be southern enough to know what those two definitions mean.
:-D :-P

LOL. I hang onto these two jokes because they were favorites of my mother's.

Here's another of her favorite quotes about the South.

In Atlanta, they ask "What you do for a living?"
In Charleston, they ask "What's your mother's maiden name?"
In Savannah, they ask "What will you have to drink?"

moldyoldy

PaulPisces wrote:

LOL. I hang onto these two jokes because they were favorites of my mother's.

Here's another of her favorite quotes about the South.

In Atlanta, they ask "What you do for a living?"
In Charleston, they ask "What's your mother's maiden name?"
In Savannah, they ask "What will you have to drink?"

Bourbon and branch water, suh.

son of witless

PaulPisces wrote:

I apologize in advance if anyone is offended by th... (show quote)

Wow Christians can take a joke. Who knew. Don't make jokes about anyone else. Don't offend those who make a living being offended.

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

PaulPisces wrote:

LOL. I hang onto these two jokes because they were favorites of my mother's.

Here's another of her favorite quotes about the South.

In Atlanta, they ask "What you do for a living?"
In Charleston, they ask "What's your mother's maiden name?"
In Savannah, they ask "What will you have to drink?"

Depending on the geographical location, in Virginia, it is "Who are your family?" (Or people)

alex Loc: michigan now imperial beach californa

AuntiE wrote:

Actually, the definition of a Methodist is a person safe to be out in the rain, because they have already been sprinkled.

The definition of a Baptist is someone safe in a flood, because they have already been immersed.

You should be southern enough to know what those two definitions mean.
:-D :-P

I 'm not southern but I was baptized as a Baptist

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

alex wrote:

I 'm not southern but I was baptized as a Baptist

No wonder you chose the Navy. You were immersed in water early on. :lol: :roll:

The Baptist are divided by regional areas. The southern region has always been used as an example of extremism in religion.

alex Loc: michigan now imperial beach californa

AuntiE wrote:

No wonder you chose the Navy. You were immersed in water early on. :lol: :roll:

The Baptist are divided by regional areas. The southern region has always been used as an example of extremism in religion.

and the northern ones follow suit which is a big part of why I no longer go to church as each denomination seems to have different rules that just as ridculous

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

alex wrote:

and the northern ones follow suit which is a big part of why I no longer go to church as each denomination seems to have different rules that just as ridculous

There are choices. More then a few are attending small nondenominational churches, having home church (where a small group gather) or attending a church with a denomination; however, attend Wednesday or Sunday evening services and others attend midweek daytime services.

As a small commentary on Catholisism, the local parishes tend to do a good job on providing more frequent and convenient services. It is especially prevalent if there is a parish school.

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

alex wrote:

and the northern ones follow suit which is a big part of why I no longer go to church as each denomination seems to have different rules that just as ridculous

the church we attend is small, non denominational, happy to spread the word of God by those things we do with and for other people, not just the church services on Sunday and a secular life the rest of the time. We have finally found a church that fills our needs and seems to be guiding us toward a fuller understanding of
God's word and his desire for us in our meager lives.

son of witless

no propaganda please wrote:

the church we attend is small, non denominational, happy to spread the word of God by those things we do with and for other people, not just the church services on Sunday and a secular life the rest of the time. We have finally found a church that fills our needs and seems to be guiding us toward a fuller understanding of
God's word and his desire for us in our meager lives.

Good point. There are so many different Churches. If a person cannot find one to fit their needs and beliefs, they don't really want to find one.

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

son of witless wrote:

Wow Christians can take a joke. Who knew. Don't make jokes about anyone else. Don't offend those who make a living being offended.

Why not offend those who make a living being offended. Al Sharpton DOES need to laugh once in a while after all.

Armageddun Loc: The show me state

AuntiE wrote:

Actually, the definition of a Methodist is a person safe to be out in the rain, because they have already been sprinkled.

The definition of a Baptist is someone safe in a flood, because they have already been immersed.

You should be southern enough to know what those two definitions mean.
:-D :-P

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: