More Common Core Horror
Pucker Up, Conservatives.
Hackers recently penetrated the computer systems at one of the entities responsible for the Common Core curriculum (user: common, password: core). Among the items discovered were draft versions of upcoming curriculum releases in the subject areas of Civics, Social Studies, and Ethics. Samples of some of the material were subsequently leaked, and Snark was able to acquire copies of those documents.
Below we have excerpted some of the more-frenlightening* items found during a preliminary look at the contents. While there is still much to review, we deemed it important to share a sampling of this proposed curriculum with our readers, so they can begin the process of frantically establishing Charter Schools across the country. The questions in this sample are intended for middle-school-aged students.
Common Core Social Studies, Civics, and Ethics
Instructions: Answer the questions below, using the knowledge you have acquired at school. Any answers based on information received from your parents, church, Fox News, or conservative internet sites will be marked incorrect, regardless if true. You may refuse to answer any questions that offend you or refuse to take the test in its entirety. In fact, we apologize for asking you to take a test that will compare you to other students and possibly injure your self-esteem. Please forget that we brought it up. Here’s a nice ribbon.
Maria has three chickens. Bobby has two baseballs. Explain why Maria is a victim.
Mom wants to make a porno with the guy next door. Who is responsible for paying for the Viagra?
Joe is a conservative Christian white male. Give three reasons why he should lose his job and family.
Darlene is 13 years old and pregnant. She will miss class while getting an abortion without her parent's knowledge or consent. How soon should she be required to make up the lost class time? Or should the school just give her a passing grade for being a pioneering feminist?
Joanie has three oranges and Mikey has a bag of weed. How many knobbers can Mikey expect to get for his weed?
A conservative expresses a viewpoint. What should you do?
A. Call him a racist, homophobic, sexist xenophobe.
B. Ignore him. Stupid people are not worth your time.
C. Use the opportunity for virtue-signaling to anyone watching.
D. Have him fired from his job.
E. Wail like a little baby snowflake.
F. All of the above.
Johnny is in third grade and is curious about sex. Should he sign up at the NAMBLA website, view click-bait videos at $2.50 per minute, or attend a drag show?
A major sports team decides to rename their organization after the Jews. Which name should they adopt?
You drive a Smart Car and have just purchased a 72” flat-screen TV at Best Buy. Which of the following apply?
Bob is a white male. List the things he is guilty of. Use the back of this sheet if necessary.
A university charges high tuition but presents only one of many available viewpoints in its curriculum. Should tuition be:
B. The same
C. Even more
A madman shouts “Allahu Akbar!” just before detonating a vest bomb. What is his motivation?
B. Poor Self-Esteem.
C. He is a closeted gay.
D. He is exercising First Amendment rights.
E. None of our business.
Ryan likes to dress like a woman but has no breasts. Shouldn’t the lingerie makers be pressured to accommodate his needs? Can they be successfully sued?
Melanie has 7 apples. Why shouldn’t she have as many as she wants? How many apples should she get from your supply? What about your oranges? I see you have a freezer. Are there steaks in there? How Many? Free-range?
George S. is a multi-billionaire and a liberal. Charles and David K. are multi-billionaires and conservatives. How much of Charles and David’s money should we take and give to poor people?
What percentage of administrative overhead costs are justifiable when distributing Charles and David’s money?
10% 30% 75% 93%
A transgender female wants to use the ladies’ locker room at a prestigious country club. The club should:
A. Make all restrooms and locker rooms gender-neutral.
B. Let everyone use whatever facilities they choose.
C. Insist on the status quo and end up in court.
D. This is a trick question. Gender-fluid people would never be caught at a country club.
A Pokemon Go user steps in front of a self-driving car. How many large corporations can be sued?
Caitlin Jenner is getting fitted for a dress. Should the tailor ask if she breaks right or left?
Something bad happens to an African-American person. How many Jews should be immolated under the direction of Al Sharpton?
Victoria’s Secret “Angels” show does not include any male models. Sports Illustrated swimsuit models are all females (so far). Describe how you would organize a national boycott against these sexist corporations.
A former elected official is sending pictures of his genitals to a thirteen-year-old girl. Is Portrait or Landscape the better format? Bonus question: Who owns the copyright?
Liza’s mother’s new boyfriend operates a meth lab in the basement. What state do they live in?
Meghan and Louise want to make a lesbian romantic comedy but need to hire a director because they have no filmmaking experience. What should their above-the-line cut be?
Bob is serving a prison sentence for using the wrong gender pronoun when addressing Melinda, a trans female. Melinda has since de-transitioned back to being a male named Matt. Should Bob’s sentence be commuted, or should he be left to rot anyway?
What can you assume about anyone who doesn’t have an Uber account?
A. They don’t care about the Earth as much as I do.
B. They drive drunk. A lot.
C. They probably have a big house that’s not “green”.
D. Unlike me, they are employed.
Explain what these acronyms stand for:
POTUS FLOTUS SCOTUS SCROTUS
Kent lives in a 300-square-foot tiny house. Explain why he shouldn’t burn down everything but your garage, you wasteful, over-consuming pig.
Roger insists on committing micro aggression and making insensitive remarks despite countless warnings from the PC police. How should he be punished?
A. Lose his job.
B. Forced to sit in a university safe space, bound and gagged, for a week.
C. Be arrested, convicted, and required to be a registered sense offender for the rest of his life.
The U.S. has agreed to La Raza’s demands to give California back to Mexico. Should we insist that they also take Barbra Streisand?
* Frighteningly enlightening. This is only one of many eye-opening, teeth-clenching revelations assaulting the sensibilities of sensible people these days, and the whacko Left is only getting started. “Shields up,” brethren.
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