slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

This story, taken from a local column, could be describing any number of retired men...including me:

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women--she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local store:

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveilance cameras.

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

July 19: He walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in housewares. Get on it right away." This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her supervisor that in turn, resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

Aug. 4: Went to the service desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

Aug. 14: Moved a CAUTION-WET FLOOR sign to a carpeted area.

Aug. 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

Aug. 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" EMTs were called.

Sept. 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

Sept. 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the anti-depressants were.

Oct. 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

Oct. 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

Oct. 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

Oct.21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least:

Oct. 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!" One of the clerks passed out.

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

OK that is my agenda for next week. sounds like a lot of fun

PaulPisces Loc: San Francisco

Having spent a lifetime in the retail industry, this makes me glad my last 15 or so were in the online segment and not stores. One of the funniest things I've read recently!

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

I would suggest staying out of the housewares (sk**lets!) department...who knows who could be lurking in the area. :shock:

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

I am waiting for the first lady on the forum to give her take on this article. :mrgreen:

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

It has taken me over thirty minutes to be able to comment on this. I was laughing so hard there were tears on my face. Every time I tried to post, I started laughing again.

The one I can actually see you doing is the kids with the tent, bring pillows and blankets from bedding. You probably obtained ice cream from the grocery area for the campers.

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Yes...yes, I did...as a matter of fact. A wide variety! :mrgreen:

We had a grand old time...until we were 'busted'. :oops: :hunf:

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

Maybe I'll just get my own. Then I will be armed and dangerous.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

One must protect themselves! :thumbup:

BearK Loc: TN

I believe it was 'can't believe' who said he worked in a department store AND they actually had to clean up in the fitting room a couple of times after being used as a restroom. It's amazing how crude people are becoming.

My daughter and I have small size heads, so we were in the hat department trying on hats (for the fun of it). We had a great time laughing at how the hats would come down to our eyebrows, some over our eyes. Do most women really have heads that big?

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

More often than not, it is the men who have 'big heads'.:-D A guess would be that 'large' hair might necessitate the hat size for a lot of women. :thumbup:

BearK Loc: TN

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

alex Loc: michigan now imperial beach californa

knowing you if I was to tell you I thought they were funny your head would get even bigger than it is so I won't tell you that

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Actually, I'm quite modest...with every reason to be. :oops:

alex Loc: michigan now imperial beach californa

that's what I've noticed about you on this site