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laff a lil(ease off the hate)
Jul 18, 2021 12:28:13   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
borrowed these from Ronnie over on the stage


As a woman was about to go home from a long and stressful day at the office, her cell phone rang. It was her husband.

“Will you be joining me in the whirlpool bath tonight?” he asked.

“What a lovely way to spend an evening,” she thought.

She was about to tell him how considerate he was when he continued, “because if you’re not, I need to start adding more water to the tub.”


The Priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the Priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of him!”
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order.
Still, the man said nothing.
The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?”
The dying man said, “Until I know for sure where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”


A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
“You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell”.

“Grandma, don’t worry, I know my way, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”

“Are you coming empty handed?”



Reply
Jul 18, 2021 12:32:56   #
Wonttakeitanymore
 
badbobby wrote:
borrowed these from Ronnie over on the stage


As a woman was about to go home from a long and stressful day at the office, her cell phone rang. It was her husband.

“Will you be joining me in the whirlpool bath tonight?” he asked.

“What a lovely way to spend an evening,” she thought.

She was about to tell him how considerate he was when he continued, “because if you’re not, I need to start adding more water to the tub.”


The Priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the Priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of him!”
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order.
Still, the man said nothing.
The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?”
The dying man said, “Until I know for sure where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”


A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
“You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell”.

“Grandma, don’t worry, I know my way, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”

“Are you coming empty handed?”
borrowed these from Ronnie over on the stage br b... (show quote)

Bad bad cute!

Reply
Jul 18, 2021 12:35:22   #
son of witless
 
badbobby wrote:
borrowed these from Ronnie over on the stage


As a woman was about to go home from a long and stressful day at the office, her cell phone rang. It was her husband.

“Will you be joining me in the whirlpool bath tonight?” he asked.

“What a lovely way to spend an evening,” she thought.

She was about to tell him how considerate he was when he continued, “because if you’re not, I need to start adding more water to the tub.”


The Priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the Priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of him!”
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order.
Still, the man said nothing.
The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?”
The dying man said, “Until I know for sure where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”


A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
“You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell”.

“Grandma, don’t worry, I know my way, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”

“Are you coming empty handed?”
borrowed these from Ronnie over on the stage br b... (show quote)


I like the second one.

Reply
 
 
Jul 18, 2021 13:07:38   #
permafrost Loc: Minnesota
 
badbobby wrote:
borrowed these from Ronnie over on the stage


As a woman was about to go home from a long and stressful day at the office, her cell phone rang. It was her husband.

“Will you be joining me in the whirlpool bath tonight?” he asked.

“What a lovely way to spend an evening,” she thought.

She was about to tell him how considerate he was when he continued, “because if you’re not, I need to start adding more water to the tub.”


The Priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the Priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of him!”
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order.
Still, the man said nothing.
The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?”
The dying man said, “Until I know for sure where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”


A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
“You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell”.

“Grandma, don’t worry, I know my way, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”

“Are you coming empty handed?”
borrowed these from Ronnie over on the stage br b... (show quote)



good ones Bobby, glad to hear from you again.. missed you...

Reply
Jul 18, 2021 15:34:15   #
dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA
 
badbobby wrote:
borrowed these from Ronnie over on the stage


As a woman was about to go home from a long and stressful day at the office, her cell phone rang. It was her husband.

“Will you be joining me in the whirlpool bath tonight?” he asked.

“What a lovely way to spend an evening,” she thought.

She was about to tell him how considerate he was when he continued, “because if you’re not, I need to start adding more water to the tub.”


The Priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the Priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of him!”
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order.
Still, the man said nothing.
The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?”
The dying man said, “Until I know for sure where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”


A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
“You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell”.

“Grandma, don’t worry, I know my way, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”

“Are you coming empty handed?”
borrowed these from Ronnie over on the stage br b... (show quote)


Stick to telling jokes. I think like you better this way.

Reply
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