NOW THAT I'M OLDER HUMOR
Jun 17, 2021 14:24:04 #
dtucker300
Loc: Vista, CA
These are good, especially the one about the C****acoaster.
NOW THAT I'M OLDER
Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you.
Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.
If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.”
That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an i***t.
I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.
I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight
live longer than men who mention it.
Kids today don't know how easy they have it.
When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet
to change the TV channel.
Remember back when we were kids and every time
it was below freezing outside they closed schools?
Yeah, Me neither.
I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking
or smart or talented.
I forgot where I was going with this.
A thief broke into my house last night.
He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.
Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
It’s weird being the same age as old people.
When I was a kid I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.
It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.
Never sing in the shower!
Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and
slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked.
So remember…Don’t sing!
If 2020 was a math word problem: If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH
and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need
to re-shingle your roof?
C****acoaster: noun; the ups and downs of a p******c.
One day you’re loving your bubble, doing workouts,
baking banana bread
and going for long walks and the next you’re crying,
drinking gin for breakfast
and missing people you don’t even like.
You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor
and then try to get back up.
We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more
information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
NOW THAT I'M OLDER
Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you.
Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.
If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.”
That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an i***t.
I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.
I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight
live longer than men who mention it.
Kids today don't know how easy they have it.
When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet
to change the TV channel.
Remember back when we were kids and every time
it was below freezing outside they closed schools?
Yeah, Me neither.
I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking
or smart or talented.
I forgot where I was going with this.
A thief broke into my house last night.
He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.
Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
It’s weird being the same age as old people.
When I was a kid I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.
It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.
Never sing in the shower!
Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and
slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked.
So remember…Don’t sing!
If 2020 was a math word problem: If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH
and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need
to re-shingle your roof?
C****acoaster: noun; the ups and downs of a p******c.
One day you’re loving your bubble, doing workouts,
baking banana bread
and going for long walks and the next you’re crying,
drinking gin for breakfast
and missing people you don’t even like.
You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor
and then try to get back up.
We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more
information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Jun 17, 2021 14:38:54 #
dtucker300
Loc: Vista, CA
dtucker300 wrote:
These are good, especially the one about the C****... (show quote)
FOOD ART - WE'VE BEEN LOCKED UP WAY TOO LONG!
Jun 17, 2021 14:46:39 #
Jun 17, 2021 14:48:34 #
Jun 17, 2021 14:58:37 #
donrent
Loc: SW Florida -Born Texas-Lived Panama & Alaska
And all that was great humor....................
Jun 17, 2021 15:40:16 #
Jun 17, 2021 16:41:38 #
Jun 17, 2021 16:43:43 #
Jun 17, 2021 16:44:42 #
Jun 17, 2021 18:33:14 #
dtucker300
Loc: Vista, CA
permafrost wrote:
Great ones Tucker.. never saw that food art before... (show quote)
Thank You! I hope you are well.
Jun 21, 2021 04:25:08 #
I have no idea where you found those, but they were a good ones. Thanks for a chuckle when I can't sleep. Ili.
Jun 21, 2021 13:50:09 #
dtucker300 wrote:
These are good, especially the one about the C****... (show quote)
It’s weird being the same age as old people! I think so, too.
Jun 21, 2021 13:51:22 #
Iliamna1 wrote:
I have no idea where you found those, but they were a good ones. Thanks for a chuckle when I can't sleep. Ili.
They were, weren’t they. Growing old can be fun. It all depends on how we see it.
Jun 21, 2021 16:52:12 #
Carol Kelly wrote:
They were, weren’t they. Growing old can be fun. It all depends on how we see it.
When asked about my age, I like to tell people "I'm old enough to know better, but too young to resist." It garners a few chuckles.
Jun 22, 2021 18:26:39 #
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