dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA

for your enjoyment.

dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA

dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA

Squiddiddler Loc: Phoenix

very good DT

Mikeyavelli

Loved the dogsht one, I'm putting it up in my neighborhood. 👍👍👍

dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA

That was also my favorite.

debeda

All good ones, thanks!🤣😂🤣😂🤣

debeda

Yep, that was good!! I liked the stick shift and cursive one better🤣😂🤣😂

dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA

More Murphy's laws.

1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night!
4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
5. Back up my hard drive ? How do I put it in reverse ?
6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
8. Seen it all, done it all...can't remember most of it.
9. Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.
10. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
11. He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
12. She's perpetually late, in fact, her ancestors arrived on the "Juneflower."
13. You have the right to remain silent... anything you say will be misquoted, and used against you.
14. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
15. Honk, if you love peace and quiet.
16. Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
17. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it still remains so popular?
18. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
19. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs, and blame it on the higher cost of living.
20. Just remember, if it wasn't for gravity, we'd all fall off (or up)!
21. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
22. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
23. You can't have everything...where would you put it ?
24. The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population.
25. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it, but for the other foot.
26. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
27. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
28. Flashlight: A container use for holding dead batteries.
29. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.
30. Bare feet are devices for finding lose Legos, or lost jacks!
31. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
32. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
33. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
34. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
35. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
36. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA

The Trucker and the Blonde Waitress

A trucker came into a truck stop coffee shop, and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen, and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights are two eggs sunny side up, and two running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment, then spooned up a bowl of beans, and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights, and running boards, you might as well gas up!"

debeda

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 Love these!!

dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA

How to select a candidate for the best job

Agency: "Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements. How do you want their placements?"
Manager: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room, and close the door. Leave them alone, come back after a few hours, and analyze the situation."
If they are counting the bricks, put them in Accounts department.
If they are recounting the bricks, put them in Auditing.
If they messed up the whole room with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
If they broke the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a single brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.
If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
And...
If they are talking to each other, but not a single brick has been touched, congratulate them, and put them in Top Management!"

debeda

Lol omigosh you must be a r**t at parties😁😁😁

dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA

Nope, I'm a r**t at A****a and B*M events.

Mikeyavelli

I had to write a check yesterday and I have to admit that my writing was nothing like it used to be. Is it lack of practice or arthritis?