dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA

Big Brother is watching !!




CALLER:

Is this Pizza Hut?

GOOGLE:

No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER:

I must have dialled the wrong number, sorry.

GOOGLE:

No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER:

OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:

Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:

My usual? You know me!!

GOOGLE:

According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you
ordered an extra-large pizza with three kinds of cheese, sausage,
pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER:

Super! That’s what I’ll have.

GOOGLE:

May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula,
sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER:

What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!

GOOGLE:

Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER:

How the hell do you know that?

GOOGLE:

Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records.
We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:

Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take
medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE:

Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According
to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at
Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.

CALLER:

I bought more from another Pharmacy.

GOOGLE:

That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER:

I paid in cash.

GOOGLE:

But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER:

I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE:

That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using
an undeclared income source, which is against the law!

CALLER:

WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE:

I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of
helping you.

CALLER:

Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp
and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where
there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE:

I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6
weeks ago...

Welcome to the future

dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA

THE REQUEST



A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them to college. "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a gesture of appreciation, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."

And so it happened. His sons became a doctor, a financial planner and a lawyer, each successful financially. When their father died and they saw him in the coffin, they remembered his wish.

First, the doctor stacked 10 crisp $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased. Next, the financial planner placed $1,000 there in 20 crisp$50 bills.

Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer's turn. He slowly reached into his pocket, removed his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father's coffin, and took the $2,000 cash. This lawyer is now in Congress, probably in your district.

dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA

SQUIRRELS IN THE CHURCH

The Methodist church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to k**l the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.


Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. chell They haven’t seen a squirrel since.

dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA

The Funny

dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA

And the not so funny.

S******c R****m in Chicago?

1. 2,240 Shootings, 440 Homicides from January thru July 2020. Almost every shooter and homicide were BLACK - 97.7%,but B*M and Chicago‘s Democratic Politicians blame “police and s******c r****m.”

2. The Chicago mayor is black.

3. The Superintendent of Police is black.

4. The Cook County States’ Attorney is black.

5. The Chief Judge of Cook County Circuit Courts is black.

6 The Illinois Attorney General is black.

7. The Chicago Fire Department Commissioner is black.

8. The Cook County Board President is black.

9. The State Senate Majority Leader is black.

10. The Illinois Lieutenant Governor is black.

11. The Illinois Secretary of State is black.

12. The Clerk of the Circuit Court of Cook County is black.

13. The Cook County Clerk is black.

14. The Chicago Treasurer is black.

15. The Chicago Police Board President is black.

16. The Chicago T***sit Authority President is black.

17. The CEO of Chicago Public Schools is black.

18. The Commissioner of the Department of Water Management is black.

19. 40% of the City Council belong to the Black Caucus.

Their average pay is $122,304 annually each, PLUS $122,000 per year in expenses. Their pension for life is 80% of last pay.

Republican head count in the City Council is ZERO.

William Hale Thompson was the last Republican Mayor of Chicago in 1931.

For 89 years Democrats have controlled the Chicago Mayor’s Office.

At the end of fiscal 2019 the Chicago deficit was $838,200,000!

Can someone please explain how it's possible for Republicans, Donald Trump in particular or white people in general, to be responsible for Chicago's horrendously dismal condition?

Peewee Loc: San Antonio, TX

Nope. Not my fault, and I'm not apologizing for it. They did it all on their own. Must be a lot of r****ts who don't love b****s in that town. At least their working on the zero population issue. Gates and F***i would be so proud. Where do they get all those guns and ammo? Wingman Holder, maybe? He likes trafficking guns. Doesn't Farrakhan call Chicago home, along with Oprah, Obama, and Rev. Wright? I see a pattern that may contribute to the real problem. It's run by the party who can't fix anything and steal from the people, at the same time. So, the people have no help, no law, and no justice. Maybe they need A****a, B*M, and another
big fire, so they can start over. I understand why my black friends who went there, came back home to MS. That place is a k*****g field. So it must be run by stone-cold k**lers. It's the only logical explanation.

RandyBrian Loc: Texas

I look forward to all our resident B*M supporters to comment on this post. I suspect all of us will be accused of r****m and w***e s*******y.

bylm1-Bernie

Good post! Very revealing, Tuck.

Big dog

👍👍👍

jim_oldman Loc: Lexington, SC

I'll try to explain it to you using Joe Bidens S******c R****m logic. Per brain dead JB all them black folk are too effin dumb & poor to get a V**er ID so they have to resort to conning all dem W***e S*********ts to get them all those minimum wage jobs & Trump is responsible for the $838,200,000 deficit!

I hope that clears it up for you.

RandyBrian Loc: Texas

LOL!

nonalien1 Loc: Mojave Desert

Of all the good jokes in this post , this is what made me laugh. Out loud even. Maybe I'm weird. Good post

nonalien1 Loc: Mojave Desert

Careful dtucker posting that Info you might get BLACK LIVES MADDER.

dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA

That make two of us. One has to be able to laugh at this or else we would be as miserable as a l*****t.

Gman65

Great Information. Very interesting