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States' jokes, 5th & final edition
Feb 20, 2021 12:01:58   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
South Dakota...A tough old Badlands rancher once told his grandson that the secret to long life was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to be 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren … and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Tennessee...Do you know what you get when you play a country tune backward? You get your job back, your house back, your wife back, your dog back …

Texas...Kinky Friedman, an entertainer and former Texas gubernatorial candidate, explains how to speak Texanese: “Y’all is singular. All y’all is plural. All y’all’s is plural possessive.”

Utah...An elderly Mormon visits his doctor and asks if he’ll live to be a hundred.

“Do you smoke or drink?” asks the doctor.

“Those things have never and will never touch my lips,” says the man.

“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?”

“Nope, don’t believe in doing any of that, either.”

“Well then,” says the doctor, “what do you want to live to be a hundred for?”

Vermont...What did the guy from Burlington say to the Pillsbury Doughboy? “Hey, nice tan.” These funny dog puns will give you paws.

Virginia...In my day, Virginia was for people who were just friends, not lovers.

Washington...In Seattle, you haven’t had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it’s running.—Jeff Bezos

West Virginia...What is the West Virginia state flower? The satellite dish.

Wisconsin...Sven notices his neighbor has a sign in his yard—”Boat for Sale.”

“Ole,” he says, “you don’t own a boat. All you got is your old tractor and your combine.”

“Yup,” said Ole. “And they’re boat for sale.”

Wyoming...Why are cowboys’ hats turned up on the sides? So that three people can fit in the pickup. Next, read these astonishing facts you never knew about all 50 states.

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Feb 20, 2021 12:40:51   #
vernon
 
slatten49 wrote:
South Dakota...A tough old Badlands rancher once told his grandson that the secret to long life was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to be 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren … and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Tennessee...Do you know what you get when you play a country tune backward? You get your job back, your house back, your wife back, your dog back …

Texas...Kinky Friedman, an entertainer and former Texas gubernatorial candidate, explains how to speak Texanese: “Y’all is singular. All y’all is plural. All y’all’s is plural possessive.”

Utah...An elderly Mormon visits his doctor and asks if he’ll live to be a hundred.

“Do you smoke or drink?” asks the doctor.

“Those things have never and will never touch my lips,” says the man.

“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?”

“Nope, don’t believe in doing any of that, either.”

“Well then,” says the doctor, “what do you want to live to be a hundred for?”

Vermont...What did the guy from Burlington say to the Pillsbury Doughboy? “Hey, nice tan.” These funny dog puns will give you paws.

Virginia...In my day, Virginia was for people who were just friends, not lovers.

Washington...In Seattle, you haven’t had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it’s running.—Jeff Bezos

West Virginia...What is the West Virginia state flower? The satellite dish.

Wisconsin...Sven notices his neighbor has a sign in his yard—”Boat for Sale.”

“Ole,” he says, “you don’t own a boat. All you got is your old tractor and your combine.”

“Yup,” said Ole. “And they’re boat for sale.”

Wyoming...Why are cowboys’ hats turned up on the sides? So that three people can fit in the pickup. Next, read these astonishing facts you never knew about all 50 states.
South Dakota...A tough old Badlands rancher once t... (show quote)


Hey man did you come out all right?

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Feb 20, 2021 13:01:01   #
Wonttakeitanymore
 
slatten49 wrote:
South Dakota...A tough old Badlands rancher once told his grandson that the secret to long life was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to be 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren … and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Tennessee...Do you know what you get when you play a country tune backward? You get your job back, your house back, your wife back, your dog back …

Texas...Kinky Friedman, an entertainer and former Texas gubernatorial candidate, explains how to speak Texanese: “Y’all is singular. All y’all is plural. All y’all’s is plural possessive.”

Utah...An elderly Mormon visits his doctor and asks if he’ll live to be a hundred.

“Do you smoke or drink?” asks the doctor.

“Those things have never and will never touch my lips,” says the man.

“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?”

“Nope, don’t believe in doing any of that, either.”

“Well then,” says the doctor, “what do you want to live to be a hundred for?”

Vermont...What did the guy from Burlington say to the Pillsbury Doughboy? “Hey, nice tan.” These funny dog puns will give you paws.

Virginia...In my day, Virginia was for people who were just friends, not lovers.

Washington...In Seattle, you haven’t had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it’s running.—Jeff Bezos

West Virginia...What is the West Virginia state flower? The satellite dish.

Wisconsin...Sven notices his neighbor has a sign in his yard—”Boat for Sale.”

“Ole,” he says, “you don’t own a boat. All you got is your old tractor and your combine.”

“Yup,” said Ole. “And they’re boat for sale.”

Wyoming...Why are cowboys’ hats turned up on the sides? So that three people can fit in the pickup. Next, read these astonishing facts you never knew about all 50 states.
South Dakota...A tough old Badlands rancher once t... (show quote)

There’s our slatted, welcome back

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Feb 20, 2021 13:20:11   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
vernon wrote:
Hey man did you come out all right?

Well, Vern, I guess that depends upon whom you ask.

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Feb 21, 2021 08:59:29   #
Big dog
 
slatten49 wrote:
South Dakota...A tough old Badlands rancher once told his grandson that the secret to long life was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to be 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren … and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Tennessee...Do you know what you get when you play a country tune backward? You get your job back, your house back, your wife back, your dog back …

Texas...Kinky Friedman, an entertainer and former Texas gubernatorial candidate, explains how to speak Texanese: “Y’all is singular. All y’all is plural. All y’all’s is plural possessive.”

Utah...An elderly Mormon visits his doctor and asks if he’ll live to be a hundred.

“Do you smoke or drink?” asks the doctor.

“Those things have never and will never touch my lips,” says the man.

“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?”

“Nope, don’t believe in doing any of that, either.”

“Well then,” says the doctor, “what do you want to live to be a hundred for?”

Vermont...What did the guy from Burlington say to the Pillsbury Doughboy? “Hey, nice tan.” These funny dog puns will give you paws.

Virginia...In my day, Virginia was for people who were just friends, not lovers.

Washington...In Seattle, you haven’t had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it’s running.—Jeff Bezos

West Virginia...What is the West Virginia state flower? The satellite dish.

Wisconsin...Sven notices his neighbor has a sign in his yard—”Boat for Sale.”

“Ole,” he says, “you don’t own a boat. All you got is your old tractor and your combine.”

“Yup,” said Ole. “And they’re boat for sale.”

Wyoming...Why are cowboys’ hats turned up on the sides? So that three people can fit in the pickup. Next, read these astonishing facts you never knew about all 50 states.
South Dakota...A tough old Badlands rancher once t... (show quote)


Excellent!!

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