Alabama...When a visitor to a town in Alabama spotted a dog attacking a boy, he grabbed the animal and throttled it with his bare hands. An impressed reporter saw the incident and told him the next day’s headline would scream “Valiant Local Man Saves Child by K*****g Vicious Animal.”
“I’m not from this town,” said the hero.
“Then,” the reporter said, “it will say ‘Alabama Man Saves Child by K*****g Dog.'”
“Actually,” said the man, “I’m from New Hampshire.”
“In that case,” the reporter grumbled, “the headline will be ‘Yankee K**ls Family Pet.'”
Alaska...An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, “Where were you on the night of October to April?”
Arizona....It’s so hot in Arizona, cows are giving evaporated milk and the trees are whistling for dogs.
Arkansas...An Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40.
He says to the driver, “Got any ID?”
The driver asks, “‘Bout what?”
California...What is every Californian’s favorite part about the winter? Watching all of the bad weather on TV.
Colorado...How do you know you’re in the presence of a real Coloradan? He carries his $3,000 mountain bike atop his $500 car.
Connecticut...What’s the difference between Massachusetts and Connecticut? The Kennedys don’t own Connecticut
Delaware...A DuPont chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, “Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”
“You mean aspirin?” says the pharmacist.
“That’s it! I can never remember that word.”
Florida...My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.—Jerry Seinfeld
Georgia...How do you know you live in Georgia? When all directions start with “Go down Peachtree …” and include the phrase “When you see the Waffle House …”
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