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Health Advice
Sep 14, 2020 01:08:36   #
Oldsailor65 Loc: Iowa
 
Health Advice

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench press. What did he mean?
A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably ought to reevaluate your exercise program.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain-No Pain.

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?
A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about trying to live a longer and healthier life...

| Reply
Sep 14, 2020 06:21:09   #
ACP45 Loc: Rhode Island
 
Boy, am I glad you cleared up all my misconceptions on diet and exercise. I think I'm going to go and follow your advice and grab a big bowl of ice cream to get the benefit of all that grass the cows ate, and maybe a half bottle of grain alcohol to balance my nutritional needs. Maybe a couple of medicinal mushrooms too. Thanks for the advice!!

| Reply
Sep 14, 2020 08:52:48   #
Oldsailor65 Loc: Iowa
 
ACP45 wrote:
Boy, am I glad you cleared up all my misconceptions on diet and exercise. I think I'm going to go and follow your advice and grab a big bowl of ice cream to get the benefit of all that grass the cows ate, and maybe a half bottle of grain alcohol to balance my nutritional needs. Maybe a couple of medicinal mushrooms too. Thanks for the advice!!


Free....no charge

| Reply
Sep 15, 2020 09:59:00   #
billy a Loc: South Florida
 
Oldsailor65 wrote:
Health Advice

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench press. What did he mean?
A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably ought to reevaluate your exercise program.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain-No Pain.

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?
A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about trying to live a longer and healthier life...
Health Advice br br Q: I've heard that cardiovas... (show quote)


My Doctor did my annual blood-work... I need more iron. The obvious answer is to drop a couple of lug-nuts into the blender, with some orange-juice. I don't think my blender would survive... Help me, Sailor! What should I do ??

| Reply
Sep 15, 2020 10:09:52   #
Oldsailor65 Loc: Iowa
 
billy a wrote:
My Doctor did my annual blood-work... I need more iron. The obvious answer is to drop a couple of lug-nuts into the blender, with some orange-juice. I don't think my blender would survive... Help me, Sailor! What should I do ??


I think liver & onions help provide iron.

| Reply
Sep 15, 2020 12:04:47   #
FallenOak Loc: St George Utah
 
Oldsailor65 wrote:
I think liver & onions help provide iron.


Great memories. As I was growing up the next day after butchering we always got fresh liver for breakfast. Cut into strips and fried like french fries.

| Reply
Sep 15, 2020 12:35:29   #
billy a Loc: South Florida
 
Oldsailor65 wrote:
I think liver & onions help provide iron.


I've always loved that dish... when Mom cooked it.Time to hunt down a recipe, and get cooking. Thanks, Sailor.

| Reply
Sep 15, 2020 12:44:54   #
Oldsailor65 Loc: Iowa
 
FallenOak wrote:
Great memories. As I was growing up the next day after butchering we always got fresh liver for breakfast. Cut into strips and fried like french fries.


I would rather buy a whole liver and slice it. Now at the grocery store it is sliced way too thin in the packages.

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Sep 15, 2020 23:26:09   #
Strycker
 
billy a wrote:
My Doctor did my annual blood-work... I need more iron. The obvious answer is to drop a couple of lug-nuts into the blender, with some orange-juice. I don't think my blender would survive... Help me, Sailor! What should I do ??


Heat the lugs to a low boil and add carefully to blender full of orange juice while blender is running. Orange juice with pulp is required to conceal texture. Add vodka and orange slice. Serve on the rocks.

| Reply
Sep 16, 2020 00:21:15   #
EN Submarine Qualified Loc: Wisconsin East coast
 
FallenOak wrote:
Great memories. As I was growing up the next day after butchering we always got fresh liver for breakfast. Cut into strips and fried like french fries.

Yep and the brains were cooked with scrambled eggs next morning. Kids didn't get any. For grownups.

| Reply
Sep 16, 2020 02:33:00   #
billy a Loc: South Florida
 
Strycker wrote:
Heat the lugs to a low boil and add carefully to blender full of orange juice while blender is running. Orange juice with pulp is required to conceal texture. Add vodka and orange slice. Serve on the rocks.


...next visit I'd require an oil-change...but it sounds interesting. Besides, I'm allergic to vodka. Pulp you say...?

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