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A few thoughts to laugh about.
May 22, 2020 19:16:45   #
Gatsby
 
It’s like being 16 again, gas is cheap and I’m grounded.

This cleaning with alcohol is total BS. NOTHING gets done after that first bottle.

Let’s not tell some people when quarantine is over.

I’ve been trying to make hand sanitizer but it keeps coming out rum and Coke.

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would go up to a bank teller with a mask on and ask for money.

2019: You see a man in a store wearing a mask and think you are in danger.
2020: you see a man in a store not wearing a mask in a store and think you are in danger.

Just asked a 6-year-old if he understands why there is no school.
He said yes because they are out of toilet paper.

If you thought toilet paper was crazy ... just wait until 300 million people all want a haircut appointment.

2020 is a unique Leap Year. It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March and 5 years in April.

Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended.
Not so much to prevent COVID-19 but to stop eating.

Kinda’ starting to understand why pets try to run out of the house when the door opens.

My Mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by laying in the bed all day,
but look at me now! I’m saving the world!

Whoever owes you money, go to their house now. They should be home.

Is your car getting 3 weeks per gallon now? Mine is.

Low gas prices during the lockdown is like a bald man winning a hairbrush.

In a month, 88% of blondes will disappear from the earth.

“All those grandparents who are missing their grandkids now—once this over you can have them for a month.
Sincerely, a tired Mom.”

And just like that, our pastor became a televangelist.

Can we uninstall 2020? This version has a virus.

Mom, is that offer to slap me into next year still on the table?”

Powerball is up to an 18 pack of Charmin.

| Reply
May 22, 2020 19:50:20   #
GoCubs Loc: Earth
 
Gatsby wrote:
It’s like being 16 again, gas is cheap and I’m grounded.

This cleaning with alcohol is total BS. NOTHING gets done after that first bottle.

Let’s not tell some people when quarantine is over.

I’ve been trying to make hand sanitizer but it keeps coming out rum and Coke.

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would go up to a bank teller with a mask on and ask for money.

2019: You see a man in a store wearing a mask and think you are in danger.
2020: you see a man in a store not wearing a mask in a store and think you are in danger.

Just asked a 6-year-old if he understands why there is no school.
He said yes because they are out of toilet paper.

If you thought toilet paper was crazy ... just wait until 300 million people all want a haircut appointment.

2020 is a unique Leap Year. It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March and 5 years in April.

Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended.
Not so much to prevent COVID-19 but to stop eating.

Kinda’ starting to understand why pets try to run out of the house when the door opens.

My Mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by laying in the bed all day,
but look at me now! I’m saving the world!

Whoever owes you money, go to their house now. They should be home.

Is your car getting 3 weeks per gallon now? Mine is.

Low gas prices during the lockdown is like a bald man winning a hairbrush.

In a month, 88% of blondes will disappear from the earth.

“All those grandparents who are missing their grandkids now—once this over you can have them for a month.
Sincerely, a tired Mom.”

And just like that, our pastor became a televangelist.

Can we uninstall 2020? This version has a virus.

Mom, is that offer to slap me into next year still on the table?”

Powerball is up to an 18 pack of Charmin.
It’s like being 16 again, gas is cheap and I’m gro... (show quote)


All are great! Thanks, man!

| Reply
May 23, 2020 10:43:58   #
Mike Easterday
 
These are all good!!!

| Reply
May 23, 2020 15:12:48   #
Tug484
 
Gatsby wrote:
It’s like being 16 again, gas is cheap and I’m grounded.

This cleaning with alcohol is total BS. NOTHING gets done after that first bottle.

Let’s not tell some people when quarantine is over.

I’ve been trying to make hand sanitizer but it keeps coming out rum and Coke.

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would go up to a bank teller with a mask on and ask for money.

2019: You see a man in a store wearing a mask and think you are in danger.
2020: you see a man in a store not wearing a mask in a store and think you are in danger.

Just asked a 6-year-old if he understands why there is no school.
He said yes because they are out of toilet paper.

If you thought toilet paper was crazy ... just wait until 300 million people all want a haircut appointment.

2020 is a unique Leap Year. It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March and 5 years in April.

Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended.
Not so much to prevent COVID-19 but to stop eating.

Kinda’ starting to understand why pets try to run out of the house when the door opens.

My Mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by laying in the bed all day,
but look at me now! I’m saving the world!

Whoever owes you money, go to their house now. They should be home.

Is your car getting 3 weeks per gallon now? Mine is.

Low gas prices during the lockdown is like a bald man winning a hairbrush.

In a month, 88% of blondes will disappear from the earth.

“All those grandparents who are missing their grandkids now—once this over you can have them for a month.
Sincerely, a tired Mom.”

And just like that, our pastor became a televangelist.

Can we uninstall 2020? This version has a virus.

Mom, is that offer to slap me into next year still on the table?”

Powerball is up to an 18 pack of Charmin.
It’s like being 16 again, gas is cheap and I’m gro... (show quote)


I've had more alcohol on my hands than I've ever had in me.

| Reply
May 23, 2020 21:03:39   #
elledee
 
I"ll drink to that post

| Reply
May 24, 2020 02:33:08   #
Kickaha Loc: Nebraska
 
My wife asked why I'm staying away from her. I said I'm social distancing. She asked why I'm wearing ear plugs. I said OSHA noise regulations. I'm now looking for a helmet to protect me from flying objects.

| Reply
May 25, 2020 08:21:11   #
Gatsby
 
Kickaha wrote:
My wife asked why I'm staying away from her. I said I'm social distancing. She asked why I'm wearing ear plugs. I said OSHA noise regulations. I'm now looking for a helmet to protect me from flying objects.


Forget the helmet, get a catchers mitt for one hand, a tennis racket for the other.

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