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More Southern Speech
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Jan 9, 2020 22:58:49   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
The magic of Southern speech is in the similes and metaphors and other allusions.

As country as Corn Flakes.
As slick as cat’s poop on linoleum.
As welcome as an outhouse breeze.
Knee deep and sinking fast.
Barefooted as a yard dog.
Better than a sharp stick in the eye.
Bleeding like a stuck pig.
Bowed up like a Banty rooster.
Brave as a bigamist.
Brave as the first man to eat an oyster.
Brave enough to eat in the boomtown saloon.
By the skin of my teeth.
Clean as a hound’s tooth.
Cooler than the other side of the pillow.
Country as a baked bean sandwich!
Dark as a sack of black cats.
Dark as the inside of a cow.
Deaf in one ear and can’t hear out of the other.
Even a blind man on a galloping horse could see it.
Flashy as a rat with a gold tooth.
Flatter than a fritter.
Forty going north.
Going at it like killing snakes.
Good enough for state work.
Green as a gourd.
Grinning like a possum eating a sweet potato.
He ain’t sawing logs, he’s clearing brush.
He looked like a pig on ice.
He talks like he’s got a mouthful of mush.
He thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread.
He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow.
He was so fat it was easier to go over top of him than around him.
He was the turd in the punchbowl.
He’s so deaf, he can’t hear himself fart.
He’s so scared you couldn’t drive a wet watermelon seed up his butt with a sledge hammer.
He’s so thin­skinned, it’s just barely enough to keep him from bleeding to death.
He’s scratched up worse than a blind berry picker.
He’s so country he thinks a seven-­course meal is a possum and a six­pack.
Heavy as a boarding­house dumpling.
I bought it for a song and you can sing it yourself.
I don’t know her from Adam’s house­cat.
I was never like this until I was born.
I was stuck hub deep to a Ferris wheel.
I’m just hanging out like a hair in a biscuit.
I’m out like a fat kid in dodge­ball.
I’m prouder of that than a pup with his first flea.
It was hanging open like a pea­coat sleeve.
It’s a right far piece from here.
It’s plain as a pig on a sofa.
It’s quieter than a mouse peeing on cotton.
It’s more than I can say grace over.
Just a hop skip and a jump.
Knee high to a grasshopper.
Like a garlic milkshake...smooth & strong.
Like a polecat at a camp meeting.
Like a popcorn fart in Hell.
Like a rooster in an empty hen­house.
Like a rubber nosed woodpecker in a petrified forest.
Long as a month of Sundays.
Looks like Hell with everyone out to lunch.
More fun than a sackful of kittens.
More than one way to skin a cat.
No higher than corn and no lower than taters.
Now we’re cookin’ with gas!
Over yonder at the edge of nothing.
Pert near, but not plumb.
Rough as a cob.
Rougher than a pulp wood truck in a cotton patch.
Scarce as a hen’s teeth.
Scarce as deviled eggs after a church picnic.
Scattered from Hell to breakfast.
From here to East Jesus.
Screamed like a mashed cat.
Sharper than a mother-­in-­law’s tongue.
She didn’t say “pea turkey squat.”
She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.
She’s so deaf, she can’t hear a fart in a jug.
Slapped him like a red­headed stepchild.
Slick as an eel.
Slick as snot on a goat’s glass eye.
Slicker than a chased greased hog.
Slicker than deer guts on a door knob.
Slicker than otter snot.
Slicker than snot and smashed bananas.
Smaller than a tick turd.
Smiling like a goat in a briar­-patch.
Smoother than a hairy chest on wax day.
So deep in jail he’ll have to be fed beans with a sling­shot!
So sore can’t touch it with a powder puff.
Sober as a judge.
Squirming like a worm in hot ashes.
Stout as a mule.
Strong as bear’s breath.
Stuck so badly I needed a four wheel drive helicopter to pull my truck out.
Tail up and stinger out.
Tender as a judge’s heart.
That is just the cat’s pajamas.
That kid ain’t knee­high to a duck.
The personality of a dishrag.
There were so many people, you couldn’t stir ’em with a stick.
They could worry the horns off a billy goat.
They live so far out they have to pipe in sunshine.
They lived so far out in the country that the sun set between their house and town.
Thick as flies on a dog’s back.
Thicker than fiddlers in Hell.
Weak as dishwater.
We’re closer than two roaches on a bacon bit.
Whiter than a hound dog’s tooth.
Wound tighter than a three-day clock.
Written on the heel.
You can’t sling a cat without hitting one.
­

| Reply
Jan 9, 2020 23:26:42   #
archie bunker Loc: Texas
 
slatten49 wrote:
The magic of Southern speech is in the similes and metaphors and other allusions.

As country as Corn Flakes.
As slick as cat’s poop on linoleum.
As welcome as an outhouse breeze.
Knee deep and sinking fast.
Barefooted as a yard dog.
Better than a sharp stick in the eye.
Bleeding like a stuck pig.
Bowed up like a Banty rooster.
Brave as a bigamist.
Brave as the first man to eat an oyster.
Brave enough to eat in the boomtown saloon.
By the skin of my teeth.
Clean as a hound’s tooth.
Cooler than the other side of the pillow.
Country as a baked bean sandwich!
Dark as a sack of black cats.
Dark as the inside of a cow.
Deaf in one ear and can’t hear out of the other.
Even a blind man on a galloping horse could see it.
Flashy as a rat with a gold tooth.
Flatter than a fritter.
Forty going north.
Going at it like killing snakes.
Good enough for state work.
Green as a gourd.
Grinning like a possum eating a sweet potato.
He ain’t sawing logs, he’s clearing brush.
He looked like a pig on ice.
He talks like he’s got a mouthful of mush.
He thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread.
He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow.
He was so fat it was easier to go over top of him than around him.
He was the turd in the punchbowl.
He’s so deaf, he can’t hear himself fart.
He’s so scared you couldn’t drive a wet watermelon seed up his butt with a sledge hammer.
He’s so thin­skinned, it’s just barely enough to keep him from bleeding to death.
He’s scratched up worse than a blind berry picker.
He’s so country he thinks a seven-­course meal is a possum and a six­pack.
Heavy as a boarding­house dumpling.
I bought it for a song and you can sing it yourself.
I don’t know her from Adam’s house­cat.
I was never like this until I was born.
I was stuck hub deep to a Ferris wheel.
I’m just hanging out like a hair in a biscuit.
I’m out like a fat kid in dodge­ball.
I’m prouder of that than a pup with his first flea.
It was hanging open like a pea­coat sleeve.
It’s a right far piece from here.
It’s plain as a pig on a sofa.
It’s quieter than a mouse peeing on cotton.
It’s more than I can say grace over.
Just a hop skip and a jump.
Knee high to a grasshopper.
Like a garlic milkshake...smooth & strong.
Like a polecat at a camp meeting.
Like a popcorn fart in Hell.
Like a rooster in an empty hen­house.
Like a rubber nosed woodpecker in a petrified forest.
Long as a month of Sundays.
Looks like Hell with everyone out to lunch.
More fun than a sackful of kittens.
More than one way to skin a cat.
No higher than corn and no lower than taters.
Now we’re cookin’ with gas!
Over yonder at the edge of nothing.
Pert near, but not plumb.
Rough as a cob.
Rougher than a pulp wood truck in a cotton patch.
Scarce as a hen’s teeth.
Scarce as deviled eggs after a church picnic.
Scattered from Hell to breakfast.
From here to East Jesus.
Screamed like a mashed cat.
Sharper than a mother-­in-­law’s tongue.
She didn’t say “pea turkey squat.”
She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.
She’s so deaf, she can’t hear a fart in a jug.
Slapped him like a red­headed stepchild.
Slick as an eel.
Slick as snot on a goat’s glass eye.
Slicker than a chased greased hog.
Slicker than deer guts on a door knob.
Slicker than otter snot.
Slicker than snot and smashed bananas.
Smaller than a tick turd.
Smiling like a goat in a briar­-patch.
Smoother than a hairy chest on wax day.
So deep in jail he’ll have to be fed beans with a sling­shot!
So sore can’t touch it with a powder puff.
Sober as a judge.
Squirming like a worm in hot ashes.
Stout as a mule.
Strong as bear’s breath.
Stuck so badly I needed a four wheel drive helicopter to pull my truck out.
Tail up and stinger out.
Tender as a judge’s heart.
That is just the cat’s pajamas.
That kid ain’t knee­high to a duck.
The personality of a dishrag.
There were so many people, you couldn’t stir ’em with a stick.
They could worry the horns off a billy goat.
They live so far out they have to pipe in sunshine.
They lived so far out in the country that the sun set between their house and town.
Thick as flies on a dog’s back.
Thicker than fiddlers in Hell.
Weak as dishwater.
We’re closer than two roaches on a bacon bit.
Whiter than a hound dog’s tooth.
Wound tighter than a three-day clock.
Written on the heel.
Meaning: It was to be.
You can’t sling a cat without hitting one.
­
The magic of Southern speech is in the similes and... (show quote)


I'm gonna have to watch Gunsmoke, and get me some Festus so I can add to this list!

| Reply
Jan 10, 2020 00:37:18   #
dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA
 
slatten49 wrote:
The magic of Southern speech is in the similes and metaphors and other allusions.

As country as Corn Flakes.
As slick as cat’s poop on linoleum.
As welcome as an outhouse breeze.
Knee deep and sinking fast.
Barefooted as a yard dog.
Better than a sharp stick in the eye.
Bleeding like a stuck pig.
Bowed up like a Banty rooster.
Brave as a bigamist.
Brave as the first man to eat an oyster.
Brave enough to eat in the boomtown saloon.
By the skin of my teeth.
Clean as a hound’s tooth.
Cooler than the other side of the pillow.
Country as a baked bean sandwich!
Dark as a sack of black cats.
Dark as the inside of a cow.
Deaf in one ear and can’t hear out of the other.
Even a blind man on a galloping horse could see it.
Flashy as a rat with a gold tooth.
Flatter than a fritter.
Forty going north.
Going at it like killing snakes.
Good enough for state work.
Green as a gourd.
Grinning like a possum eating a sweet potato.
He ain’t sawing logs, he’s clearing brush.
He looked like a pig on ice.
He talks like he’s got a mouthful of mush.
He thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread.
He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow.
He was so fat it was easier to go over top of him than around him.
He was the turd in the punchbowl.
He’s so deaf, he can’t hear himself fart.
He’s so scared you couldn’t drive a wet watermelon seed up his butt with a sledge hammer.
He’s so thin­skinned, it’s just barely enough to keep him from bleeding to death.
He’s scratched up worse than a blind berry picker.
He’s so country he thinks a seven-­course meal is a possum and a six­pack.
Heavy as a boarding­house dumpling.
I bought it for a song and you can sing it yourself.
I don’t know her from Adam’s house­cat.
I was never like this until I was born.
I was stuck hub deep to a Ferris wheel.
I’m just hanging out like a hair in a biscuit.
I’m out like a fat kid in dodge­ball.
I’m prouder of that than a pup with his first flea.
It was hanging open like a pea­coat sleeve.
It’s a right far piece from here.
It’s plain as a pig on a sofa.
It’s quieter than a mouse peeing on cotton.
It’s more than I can say grace over.
Just a hop skip and a jump.
Knee high to a grasshopper.
Like a garlic milkshake...smooth & strong.
Like a polecat at a camp meeting.
Like a popcorn fart in Hell.
Like a rooster in an empty hen­house.
Like a rubber nosed woodpecker in a petrified forest.
Long as a month of Sundays.
Looks like Hell with everyone out to lunch.
More fun than a sackful of kittens.
More than one way to skin a cat.
No higher than corn and no lower than taters.
Now we’re cookin’ with gas!
Over yonder at the edge of nothing.
Pert near, but not plumb.
Rough as a cob.
Rougher than a pulp wood truck in a cotton patch.
Scarce as a hen’s teeth.
Scarce as deviled eggs after a church picnic.
Scattered from Hell to breakfast.
From here to East Jesus.
Screamed like a mashed cat.
Sharper than a mother-­in-­law’s tongue.
She didn’t say “pea turkey squat.”
She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.
She’s so deaf, she can’t hear a fart in a jug.
Slapped him like a red­headed stepchild.
Slick as an eel.
Slick as snot on a goat’s glass eye.
Slicker than a chased greased hog.
Slicker than deer guts on a door knob.
Slicker than otter snot.
Slicker than snot and smashed bananas.
Smaller than a tick turd.
Smiling like a goat in a briar­-patch.
Smoother than a hairy chest on wax day.
So deep in jail he’ll have to be fed beans with a sling­shot!
So sore can’t touch it with a powder puff.
Sober as a judge.
Squirming like a worm in hot ashes.
Stout as a mule.
Strong as bear’s breath.
Stuck so badly I needed a four wheel drive helicopter to pull my truck out.
Tail up and stinger out.
Tender as a judge’s heart.
That is just the cat’s pajamas.
That kid ain’t knee­high to a duck.
The personality of a dishrag.
There were so many people, you couldn’t stir ’em with a stick.
They could worry the horns off a billy goat.
They live so far out they have to pipe in sunshine.
They lived so far out in the country that the sun set between their house and town.
Thick as flies on a dog’s back.
Thicker than fiddlers in Hell.
Weak as dishwater.
We’re closer than two roaches on a bacon bit.
Whiter than a hound dog’s tooth.
Wound tighter than a three-day clock.
Written on the heel.
You can’t sling a cat without hitting one.
­
The magic of Southern speech is in the similes and... (show quote)


Good collection. Thanks!

I have some more but my brain doesn't want to cooperate. I guess I'll need to write them down next time I use any so that I can remember them for later. They just come naturally without thinking about them. When you try to think of one....nothing.

"He’s so scared you couldn’t drive a wet watermelon seed up his butt with a sledge hammer." I remember it as "He's so tight (as in stingy) you couldn't dive a wet watermelon seed up his butt with a sledgehammer."

You can't get there from here.

| Reply
Jan 10, 2020 06:07:38   #
Tug484
 
slatten49 wrote:
The magic of Southern speech is in the similes and metaphors and other allusions.

As country as Corn Flakes.
As slick as cat’s poop on linoleum.
As welcome as an outhouse breeze.
Knee deep and sinking fast.
Barefooted as a yard dog.
Better than a sharp stick in the eye.
Bleeding like a stuck pig.
Bowed up like a Banty rooster.
Brave as a bigamist.
Brave as the first man to eat an oyster.
Brave enough to eat in the boomtown saloon.
By the skin of my teeth.
Clean as a hound’s tooth.
Cooler than the other side of the pillow.
Country as a baked bean sandwich!
Dark as a sack of black cats.
Dark as the inside of a cow.
Deaf in one ear and can’t hear out of the other.
Even a blind man on a galloping horse could see it.
Flashy as a rat with a gold tooth.
Flatter than a fritter.
Forty going north.
Going at it like killing snakes.
Good enough for state work.
Green as a gourd.
Grinning like a possum eating a sweet potato.
He ain’t sawing logs, he’s clearing brush.
He looked like a pig on ice.
He talks like he’s got a mouthful of mush.
He thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread.
He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow.
He was so fat it was easier to go over top of him than around him.
He was the turd in the punchbowl.
He’s so deaf, he can’t hear himself fart.
He’s so scared you couldn’t drive a wet watermelon seed up his butt with a sledge hammer.
He’s so thin­skinned, it’s just barely enough to keep him from bleeding to death.
He’s scratched up worse than a blind berry picker.
He’s so country he thinks a seven-­course meal is a possum and a six­pack.
Heavy as a boarding­house dumpling.
I bought it for a song and you can sing it yourself.
I don’t know her from Adam’s house­cat.
I was never like this until I was born.
I was stuck hub deep to a Ferris wheel.
I’m just hanging out like a hair in a biscuit.
I’m out like a fat kid in dodge­ball.
I’m prouder of that than a pup with his first flea.
It was hanging open like a pea­coat sleeve.
It’s a right far piece from here.
It’s plain as a pig on a sofa.
It’s quieter than a mouse peeing on cotton.
It’s more than I can say grace over.
Just a hop skip and a jump.
Knee high to a grasshopper.
Like a garlic milkshake...smooth & strong.
Like a polecat at a camp meeting.
Like a popcorn fart in Hell.
Like a rooster in an empty hen­house.
Like a rubber nosed woodpecker in a petrified forest.
Long as a month of Sundays.
Looks like Hell with everyone out to lunch.
More fun than a sackful of kittens.
More than one way to skin a cat.
No higher than corn and no lower than taters.
Now we’re cookin’ with gas!
Over yonder at the edge of nothing.
Pert near, but not plumb.
Rough as a cob.
Rougher than a pulp wood truck in a cotton patch.
Scarce as a hen’s teeth.
Scarce as deviled eggs after a church picnic.
Scattered from Hell to breakfast.
From here to East Jesus.
Screamed like a mashed cat.
Sharper than a mother-­in-­law’s tongue.
She didn’t say “pea turkey squat.”
She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.
She’s so deaf, she can’t hear a fart in a jug.
Slapped him like a red­headed stepchild.
Slick as an eel.
Slick as snot on a goat’s glass eye.
Slicker than a chased greased hog.
Slicker than deer guts on a door knob.
Slicker than otter snot.
Slicker than snot and smashed bananas.
Smaller than a tick turd.
Smiling like a goat in a briar­-patch.
Smoother than a hairy chest on wax day.
So deep in jail he’ll have to be fed beans with a sling­shot!
So sore can’t touch it with a powder puff.
Sober as a judge.
Squirming like a worm in hot ashes.
Stout as a mule.
Strong as bear’s breath.
Stuck so badly I needed a four wheel drive helicopter to pull my truck out.
Tail up and stinger out.
Tender as a judge’s heart.
That is just the cat’s pajamas.
That kid ain’t knee­high to a duck.
The personality of a dishrag.
There were so many people, you couldn’t stir ’em with a stick.
They could worry the horns off a billy goat.
They live so far out they have to pipe in sunshine.
They lived so far out in the country that the sun set between their house and town.
Thick as flies on a dog’s back.
Thicker than fiddlers in Hell.
Weak as dishwater.
We’re closer than two roaches on a bacon bit.
Whiter than a hound dog’s tooth.
Wound tighter than a three-day clock.
Written on the heel.
You can’t sling a cat without hitting one.
­
The magic of Southern speech is in the similes and... (show quote)


My mom used to call me a popcorn fart.
After hearing it so much, I finally asked I
her why she called me that.
She told me because you're no bigger than a popcorn fart.

| Reply
Jan 10, 2020 07:03:22   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
dtucker300 wrote:
Good collection. Thanks!

I have some more but my brain doesn't want to cooperate. I guess I'll need to write them down next time I use any so that I can remember them for later. They just come naturally without thinking about them. When you try to think of one....nothing.

"He’s so scared you couldn’t drive a wet watermelon seed up his butt with a sledge hammer." I remember it as "He's so tight (as in stingy) you couldn't dive a wet watermelon seed up his butt with a sledgehammer."

You can't get there from here.
Good collection. Thanks! br br I have some mo... (show quote)

"You can't get there from here." Classic

| Reply
Jan 10, 2020 07:09:12   #
Kevyn
 
slatten49 wrote:
The magic of Southern speech is in the similes and metaphors and other allusions.

As country as Corn Flakes.
As slick as cat’s poop on linoleum.
As welcome as an outhouse breeze.
Knee deep and sinking fast.
Barefooted as a yard dog.
Better than a sharp stick in the eye.
Bleeding like a stuck pig.
Bowed up like a Banty rooster.
Brave as a bigamist.
Brave as the first man to eat an oyster.
Brave enough to eat in the boomtown saloon.
By the skin of my teeth.
Clean as a hound’s tooth.
Cooler than the other side of the pillow.
Country as a baked bean sandwich!
Dark as a sack of black cats.
Dark as the inside of a cow.
Deaf in one ear and can’t hear out of the other.
Even a blind man on a galloping horse could see it.
Flashy as a rat with a gold tooth.
Flatter than a fritter.
Forty going north.
Going at it like killing snakes.
Good enough for state work.
Green as a gourd.
Grinning like a possum eating a sweet potato.
He ain’t sawing logs, he’s clearing brush.
He looked like a pig on ice.
He talks like he’s got a mouthful of mush.
He thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread.
He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow.
He was so fat it was easier to go over top of him than around him.
He was the turd in the punchbowl.
He’s so deaf, he can’t hear himself fart.
He’s so scared you couldn’t drive a wet watermelon seed up his butt with a sledge hammer.
He’s so thin­skinned, it’s just barely enough to keep him from bleeding to death.
He’s scratched up worse than a blind berry picker.
He’s so country he thinks a seven-­course meal is a possum and a six­pack.
Heavy as a boarding­house dumpling.
I bought it for a song and you can sing it yourself.
I don’t know her from Adam’s house­cat.
I was never like this until I was born.
I was stuck hub deep to a Ferris wheel.
I’m just hanging out like a hair in a biscuit.
I’m out like a fat kid in dodge­ball.
I’m prouder of that than a pup with his first flea.
It was hanging open like a pea­coat sleeve.
It’s a right far piece from here.
It’s plain as a pig on a sofa.
It’s quieter than a mouse peeing on cotton.
It’s more than I can say grace over.
Just a hop skip and a jump.
Knee high to a grasshopper.
Like a garlic milkshake...smooth & strong.
Like a polecat at a camp meeting.
Like a popcorn fart in Hell.
Like a rooster in an empty hen­house.
Like a rubber nosed woodpecker in a petrified forest.
Long as a month of Sundays.
Looks like Hell with everyone out to lunch.
More fun than a sackful of kittens.
More than one way to skin a cat.
No higher than corn and no lower than taters.
Now we’re cookin’ with gas!
Over yonder at the edge of nothing.
Pert near, but not plumb.
Rough as a cob.
Rougher than a pulp wood truck in a cotton patch.
Scarce as a hen’s teeth.
Scarce as deviled eggs after a church picnic.
Scattered from Hell to breakfast.
From here to East Jesus.
Screamed like a mashed cat.
Sharper than a mother-­in-­law’s tongue.
She didn’t say “pea turkey squat.”
She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.
She’s so deaf, she can’t hear a fart in a jug.
Slapped him like a red­headed stepchild.
Slick as an eel.
Slick as snot on a goat’s glass eye.
Slicker than a chased greased hog.
Slicker than deer guts on a door knob.
Slicker than otter snot.
Slicker than snot and smashed bananas.
Smaller than a tick turd.
Smiling like a goat in a briar­-patch.
Smoother than a hairy chest on wax day.
So deep in jail he’ll have to be fed beans with a sling­shot!
So sore can’t touch it with a powder puff.
Sober as a judge.
Squirming like a worm in hot ashes.
Stout as a mule.
Strong as bear’s breath.
Stuck so badly I needed a four wheel drive helicopter to pull my truck out.
Tail up and stinger out.
Tender as a judge’s heart.
That is just the cat’s pajamas.
That kid ain’t knee­high to a duck.
The personality of a dishrag.
There were so many people, you couldn’t stir ’em with a stick.
They could worry the horns off a billy goat.
They live so far out they have to pipe in sunshine.
They lived so far out in the country that the sun set between their house and town.
Thick as flies on a dog’s back.
Thicker than fiddlers in Hell.
Weak as dishwater.
We’re closer than two roaches on a bacon bit.
Whiter than a hound dog’s tooth.
Wound tighter than a three-day clock.
Written on the heel.
You can’t sling a cat without hitting one.
­
The magic of Southern speech is in the similes and... (show quote)


I don’t know why these people won’t assimilate to American society and insist on polluting our beautiful English language with these backward vulgarities.

| Reply
Jan 10, 2020 08:59:26   #
lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas
 
slatten49 wrote:
The magic of Southern speech is in the similes and metaphors and other allusions.

As country as Corn Flakes.
As slick as cat’s poop on linoleum.
As welcome as an outhouse breeze.
Knee deep and sinking fast.
Barefooted as a yard dog.
Better than a sharp stick in the eye.
Bleeding like a stuck pig.
Bowed up like a Banty rooster.
Brave as a bigamist.
Brave as the first man to eat an oyster.
Brave enough to eat in the boomtown saloon.
By the skin of my teeth.
Clean as a hound’s tooth.
Cooler than the other side of the pillow.
Country as a baked bean sandwich!
Dark as a sack of black cats.
Dark as the inside of a cow.
Deaf in one ear and can’t hear out of the other.
Even a blind man on a galloping horse could see it.
Flashy as a rat with a gold tooth.
Flatter than a fritter.
Forty going north.
Going at it like killing snakes.
Good enough for state work.
Green as a gourd.
Grinning like a possum eating a sweet potato.
He ain’t sawing logs, he’s clearing brush.
He looked like a pig on ice.
He talks like he’s got a mouthful of mush.
He thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread.
He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow.
He was so fat it was easier to go over top of him than around him.
He was the turd in the punchbowl.
He’s so deaf, he can’t hear himself fart.
He’s so scared you couldn’t drive a wet watermelon seed up his butt with a sledge hammer.
He’s so thin­skinned, it’s just barely enough to keep him from bleeding to death.
He’s scratched up worse than a blind berry picker.
He’s so country he thinks a seven-­course meal is a possum and a six­pack.
Heavy as a boarding­house dumpling.
I bought it for a song and you can sing it yourself.
I don’t know her from Adam’s house­cat.
I was never like this until I was born.
I was stuck hub deep to a Ferris wheel.
I’m just hanging out like a hair in a biscuit.
I’m out like a fat kid in dodge­ball.
I’m prouder of that than a pup with his first flea.
It was hanging open like a pea­coat sleeve.
It’s a right far piece from here.
It’s plain as a pig on a sofa.
It’s quieter than a mouse peeing on cotton.
It’s more than I can say grace over.
Just a hop skip and a jump.
Knee high to a grasshopper.
Like a garlic milkshake...smooth & strong.
Like a polecat at a camp meeting.
Like a popcorn fart in Hell.
Like a rooster in an empty hen­house.
Like a rubber nosed woodpecker in a petrified forest.
Long as a month of Sundays.
Looks like Hell with everyone out to lunch.
More fun than a sackful of kittens.
More than one way to skin a cat.
No higher than corn and no lower than taters.
Now we’re cookin’ with gas!
Over yonder at the edge of nothing.
Pert near, but not plumb.
Rough as a cob.
Rougher than a pulp wood truck in a cotton patch.
Scarce as a hen’s teeth.
Scarce as deviled eggs after a church picnic.
Scattered from Hell to breakfast.
From here to East Jesus.
Screamed like a mashed cat.
Sharper than a mother-­in-­law’s tongue.
She didn’t say “pea turkey squat.”
She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.
She’s so deaf, she can’t hear a fart in a jug.
Slapped him like a red­headed stepchild.
Slick as an eel.
Slick as snot on a goat’s glass eye.
Slicker than a chased greased hog.
Slicker than deer guts on a door knob.
Slicker than otter snot.
Slicker than snot and smashed bananas.
Smaller than a tick turd.
Smiling like a goat in a briar­-patch.
Smoother than a hairy chest on wax day.
So deep in jail he’ll have to be fed beans with a sling­shot!
So sore can’t touch it with a powder puff.
Sober as a judge.
Squirming like a worm in hot ashes.
Stout as a mule.
Strong as bear’s breath.
Stuck so badly I needed a four wheel drive helicopter to pull my truck out.
Tail up and stinger out.
Tender as a judge’s heart.
That is just the cat’s pajamas.
That kid ain’t knee­high to a duck.
The personality of a dishrag.
There were so many people, you couldn’t stir ’em with a stick.
They could worry the horns off a billy goat.
They live so far out they have to pipe in sunshine.
They lived so far out in the country that the sun set between their house and town.
Thick as flies on a dog’s back.
Thicker than fiddlers in Hell.
Weak as dishwater.
We’re closer than two roaches on a bacon bit.
Whiter than a hound dog’s tooth.
Wound tighter than a three-day clock.
Written on the heel.
You can’t sling a cat without hitting one.
­
The magic of Southern speech is in the similes and... (show quote)


These things always make me simile.

| Reply
Jan 10, 2020 11:09:00   #
bahmer
 
slatten49 wrote:
The magic of Southern speech is in the similes and metaphors and other allusions.

As country as Corn Flakes.
As slick as cat’s poop on linoleum.
As welcome as an outhouse breeze.
Knee deep and sinking fast.
Barefooted as a yard dog.
Better than a sharp stick in the eye.
Bleeding like a stuck pig.
Bowed up like a Banty rooster.
Brave as a bigamist.
Brave as the first man to eat an oyster.
Brave enough to eat in the boomtown saloon.
By the skin of my teeth.
Clean as a hound’s tooth.
Cooler than the other side of the pillow.
Country as a baked bean sandwich!
Dark as a sack of black cats.
Dark as the inside of a cow.
Deaf in one ear and can’t hear out of the other.
Even a blind man on a galloping horse could see it.
Flashy as a rat with a gold tooth.
Flatter than a fritter.
Forty going north.
Going at it like killing snakes.
Good enough for state work.
Green as a gourd.
Grinning like a possum eating a sweet potato.
He ain’t sawing logs, he’s clearing brush.
He looked like a pig on ice.
He talks like he’s got a mouthful of mush.
He thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread.
He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow.
He was so fat it was easier to go over top of him than around him.
He was the turd in the punchbowl.
He’s so deaf, he can’t hear himself fart.
He’s so scared you couldn’t drive a wet watermelon seed up his butt with a sledge hammer.
He’s so thin­skinned, it’s just barely enough to keep him from bleeding to death.
He’s scratched up worse than a blind berry picker.
He’s so country he thinks a seven-­course meal is a possum and a six­pack.
Heavy as a boarding­house dumpling.
I bought it for a song and you can sing it yourself.
I don’t know her from Adam’s house­cat.
I was never like this until I was born.
I was stuck hub deep to a Ferris wheel.
I’m just hanging out like a hair in a biscuit.
I’m out like a fat kid in dodge­ball.
I’m prouder of that than a pup with his first flea.
It was hanging open like a pea­coat sleeve.
It’s a right far piece from here.
It’s plain as a pig on a sofa.
It’s quieter than a mouse peeing on cotton.
It’s more than I can say grace over.
Just a hop skip and a jump.
Knee high to a grasshopper.
Like a garlic milkshake...smooth & strong.
Like a polecat at a camp meeting.
Like a popcorn fart in Hell.
Like a rooster in an empty hen­house.
Like a rubber nosed woodpecker in a petrified forest.
Long as a month of Sundays.
Looks like Hell with everyone out to lunch.
More fun than a sackful of kittens.
More than one way to skin a cat.
No higher than corn and no lower than taters.
Now we’re cookin’ with gas!
Over yonder at the edge of nothing.
Pert near, but not plumb.
Rough as a cob.
Rougher than a pulp wood truck in a cotton patch.
Scarce as a hen’s teeth.
Scarce as deviled eggs after a church picnic.
Scattered from Hell to breakfast.
From here to East Jesus.
Screamed like a mashed cat.
Sharper than a mother-­in-­law’s tongue.
She didn’t say “pea turkey squat.”
She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.
She’s so deaf, she can’t hear a fart in a jug.
Slapped him like a red­headed stepchild.
Slick as an eel.
Slick as snot on a goat’s glass eye.
Slicker than a chased greased hog.
Slicker than deer guts on a door knob.
Slicker than otter snot.
Slicker than snot and smashed bananas.
Smaller than a tick turd.
Smiling like a goat in a briar­-patch.
Smoother than a hairy chest on wax day.
So deep in jail he’ll have to be fed beans with a sling­shot!
So sore can’t touch it with a powder puff.
Sober as a judge.
Squirming like a worm in hot ashes.
Stout as a mule.
Strong as bear’s breath.
Stuck so badly I needed a four wheel drive helicopter to pull my truck out.
Tail up and stinger out.
Tender as a judge’s heart.
That is just the cat’s pajamas.
That kid ain’t knee­high to a duck.
The personality of a dishrag.
There were so many people, you couldn’t stir ’em with a stick.
They could worry the horns off a billy goat.
They live so far out they have to pipe in sunshine.
They lived so far out in the country that the sun set between their house and town.
Thick as flies on a dog’s back.
Thicker than fiddlers in Hell.
Weak as dishwater.
We’re closer than two roaches on a bacon bit.
Whiter than a hound dog’s tooth.
Wound tighter than a three-day clock.
Written on the heel.
You can’t sling a cat without hitting one.
­
The magic of Southern speech is in the similes and... (show quote)


Very good there Slatten and some of them I have used myself way up here in Illinois,

| Reply
Jan 10, 2020 13:48:43   #
Armageddun Loc: The show me state
 
archie bunker wrote:
I'm gonna have to watch Gunsmoke, and get me some Festus so I can add to this list!


hahahhahahaha Fine as a frog's hair split four ways and tacked to a wall.

| Reply
Jan 10, 2020 14:02:47   #
Armageddun Loc: The show me state
 
slatten49 wrote:
The magic of Southern speech is in the similes and metaphors and other allusions.

As country as Corn Flakes.
As slick as cat’s poop on linoleum.
As welcome as an outhouse breeze.
Knee deep and sinking fast.
Barefooted as a yard dog.
Better than a sharp stick in the eye.
Bleeding like a stuck pig.
Bowed up like a Banty rooster.
Brave as a bigamist.
Brave as the first man to eat an oyster.
Brave enough to eat in the boomtown saloon.
By the skin of my teeth.
Clean as a hound’s tooth.
Cooler than the other side of the pillow.
Country as a baked bean sandwich!
Dark as a sack of black cats.
Dark as the inside of a cow.
Deaf in one ear and can’t hear out of the other.
Even a blind man on a galloping horse could see it.
Flashy as a rat with a gold tooth.
Flatter than a fritter.
Forty going north.
Going at it like killing snakes.
Good enough for state work.
Green as a gourd.
Grinning like a possum eating a sweet potato.
He ain’t sawing logs, he’s clearing brush.
He looked like a pig on ice.
He talks like he’s got a mouthful of mush.
He thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread.
He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow.
He was so fat it was easier to go over top of him than around him.
He was the turd in the punchbowl.
He’s so deaf, he can’t hear himself fart.
He’s so scared you couldn’t drive a wet watermelon seed up his butt with a sledge hammer.
He’s so thin­skinned, it’s just barely enough to keep him from bleeding to death.
He’s scratched up worse than a blind berry picker.
He’s so country he thinks a seven-­course meal is a possum and a six­pack.
Heavy as a boarding­house dumpling.
I bought it for a song and you can sing it yourself.
I don’t know her from Adam’s house­cat.
I was never like this until I was born.
I was stuck hub deep to a Ferris wheel.
I’m just hanging out like a hair in a biscuit.
I’m out like a fat kid in dodge­ball.
I’m prouder of that than a pup with his first flea.
It was hanging open like a pea­coat sleeve.
It’s a right far piece from here.
It’s plain as a pig on a sofa.
It’s quieter than a mouse peeing on cotton.
It’s more than I can say grace over.
Just a hop skip and a jump.
Knee high to a grasshopper.
Like a garlic milkshake...smooth & strong.
Like a polecat at a camp meeting.
Like a popcorn fart in Hell.
Like a rooster in an empty hen­house.
Like a rubber nosed woodpecker in a petrified forest.
Long as a month of Sundays.
Looks like Hell with everyone out to lunch.
More fun than a sackful of kittens.
More than one way to skin a cat.
No higher than corn and no lower than taters.
Now we’re cookin’ with gas!
Over yonder at the edge of nothing.
Pert near, but not plumb.
Rough as a cob.
Rougher than a pulp wood truck in a cotton patch.
Scarce as a hen’s teeth.
Scarce as deviled eggs after a church picnic.
Scattered from Hell to breakfast.
From here to East Jesus.
Screamed like a mashed cat.
Sharper than a mother-­in-­law’s tongue.
She didn’t say “pea turkey squat.”
She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.
She’s so deaf, she can’t hear a fart in a jug.
Slapped him like a red­headed stepchild.
Slick as an eel.
Slick as snot on a goat’s glass eye.
Slicker than a chased greased hog.
Slicker than deer guts on a door knob.
Slicker than otter snot.
Slicker than snot and smashed bananas.
Smaller than a tick turd.
Smiling like a goat in a briar­-patch.
Smoother than a hairy chest on wax day.
So deep in jail he’ll have to be fed beans with a sling­shot!
So sore can’t touch it with a powder puff.
Sober as a judge.
Squirming like a worm in hot ashes.
Stout as a mule.
Strong as bear’s breath.
Stuck so badly I needed a four wheel drive helicopter to pull my truck out.
Tail up and stinger out.
Tender as a judge’s heart.
That is just the cat’s pajamas.
That kid ain’t knee­high to a duck.
The personality of a dishrag.
There were so many people, you couldn’t stir ’em with a stick.
They could worry the horns off a billy goat.
They live so far out they have to pipe in sunshine.
They lived so far out in the country that the sun set between their house and town.
Thick as flies on a dog’s back.
Thicker than fiddlers in Hell.
Weak as dishwater.
We’re closer than two roaches on a bacon bit.
Whiter than a hound dog’s tooth.
Wound tighter than a three-day clock.
Written on the heel.
You can’t sling a cat without hitting one.
­
The magic of Southern speech is in the similes and... (show quote)


Well done there Slats. You left out, "Ugly as homade soap"; a face that would stop a clock. Red sky at night sailors delight, red sky in the mornin sailor take warnin. Thunder by seven stops by eleven. Steppin in tall cotton. That's the cat's meow. Nervous as a cat in a room full of rockin chairs. Funny as a fart in church. Colombus kicked the Indian in the butt that told that one. Smooth as a babies butt. Snug as a bug ina rug. He was born by a duck pond been goosey ever since. That dog won't hunt. I don't have a dog in this fight.As a carpenter he'd make a better butcher. Just a few more hahahahahaa

| Reply
Jan 10, 2020 14:35:39   #
dtucker300 Loc: Vista, CA
 
Kevyn wrote:
I don’t know why these people won’t assimilate to American society and insist on polluting our beautiful English language with these backward vulgarities.


Oh, Really!? They have assimilated very well. American English is a dynamic language. Its usage originates from the bottom up. E Pluribus Unum! How many words do you use that come from other languages and cultures? The entire Modern English Language. Language is the most democratic thing we have. That's one reason English lends itself well to a rich literary tradition. It is why we have tremendous creativity in our culture in music, the arts, and technology, and anyone can aspire to achieve greatness. Having read your posts on OPP you are the one unable to assimilate because of your elitist attitude. I'll bet you also think your farts don't stink?

| Reply
Jan 10, 2020 14:59:41   #
Tug484
 
dtucker300 wrote:
Oh, Really!? They have assimilated very well. American English is a dynamic language. Its usage originates from the bottom up. E Pluribus Unum! How many words do you use that come from other languages and cultures? The entire Modern English Language. Language is the most democratic thing we have. That's one reason English lends itself well to a rich literary tradition. It is why we have tremendous creativity in our culture in music, the arts, and technology, and anyone can aspire to achieve greatness. Having read your posts on OPP you are the one unable to assimilate because of your elitist attitude. I'll bet you also think your farts don't stink?
Oh, Really!? They have assimilated very well. Ame... (show quote)




| Reply
Jan 10, 2020 16:12:01   #
Cherokee38 Loc: Atlanta
 
Kevyn wrote:
I don’t know why these people won’t assimilate to American society and insist on polluting our beautiful English language with these backward vulgarities.


I understand why you can't relate to these people ** they are survivors! not your phoney northern trash.

| Reply
Jan 10, 2020 16:43:04   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
dtucker300 wrote:
Oh, Really!? They have assimilated very well. American English is a dynamic language. Its usage originates from the bottom up. E Pluribus Unum! How many words do you use that come from other languages and cultures? The entire Modern English Language. Language is the most democratic thing we have. That's one reason English lends itself well to a rich literary tradition. It is why we have tremendous creativity in our culture in music, the arts, and technology, and anyone can aspire to achieve greatness. Having read your posts on OPP you are the one unable to assimilate because of your elitist attitude. I'll bet you also think your farts don't stink?
Oh, Really!? They have assimilated very well. Ame... (show quote)

Well stated, Tuck

| Reply
Jan 10, 2020 17:34:03   #
Tug484
 
slatten49 wrote:
Well stated, Tuck


I'm proud to be southern and have said a lot of those and I'm as fine as frog fuzz.

| Reply
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