"He's crazy as a sprayed roach."

"She's crazy as a run-over dog."

"He's runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cut off."

"I need that like I need a sharp stick in the eye." -OR- "It beats a sharp stick in the eye."

"You've got me cryin' tears as big as horse turds.

"They've got the personality of a bag of chapped assholes."

"Haven't eaten anything yet I wanted to spit back out."

(When food is real good) "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out."

(when something is unlikely/calling someone a liar)
-"Yeah, and I'm a gypsy jet pilot."
-"Anyone would believe that standing on their head."

"He can't carry a tune in a bucket."

"She's got a face like the business end of an old plow horse."

"He's busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest."

"...like white on rice."

"...cold as a witches tit." or "...cold as a well-digger's ass."

"He's so full o' s**t his eyes are turning brown."

"He's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog."

"Finer than a frog's hair"

"He couldn't find his way out of a torn paper bag."

"'Bout as full as a tick."

"Mad as a cat dunked in water."

"He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."

"She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick."

"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining."

"About as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."

"He's drunker than Cooter Brown"

Instead of saying "Be there soon." they all say "Be there directly."

"He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."

"Does a bear s**t in the woods?"

"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?"

"Are pork chops greasy?"

"Don't go getting your panties in a wad."

"He's so poor, he ain't got two nickels to rub together."

"Up s**t creek without a paddle."

"He's so slick he could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves."

"He could sell ice to an Eskimo."

"I'll be on you like a dog on a meat wagon."

"That's enough to make the preacher cuss."

"He's got about as much sense as tree bark."

"He's got a snowball's chance in hell of..."

"He's crazy as a sprayed roach."

"She's crazy as a run-over dog."

"He's runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cut off."

"I need that like I need a sharp stick in the eye." -OR- "It beats a sharp stick in the eye."

"You've got me cryin' tears as big as horse turds.

"They've got the personality of a bag of chapped assholes."

"Haven't eaten anything yet I wanted to spit back out."

(When food is real good) "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out."

(when something is unlikely/calling someone a liar)
-"Yeah, and I'm a gypsy jet pilot."
-"Anyone would believe that standing on their head."

"He can't carry a tune in a bucket."

"She's got a face like the business end of an old plow horse."

"He's busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest."

"...like white on rice."

"...cold as a witches tit." or "...cold as a well-digger's ass."

"He's so full o' s**t his eyes are turning brown."

"He's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog."

"Finer than a frog's hair"

"He couldn't find his way out of a torn paper bag."

"'Bout as full as a tick."

"Mad as a cat dunked in water."

"He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."

"She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick."

"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining."

"About as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."

"He's drunker than Cooter Brown"

Instead of saying "Be there soon." they all say "Be there directly."

"He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."

"Does a bear s**t in the woods?"

"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?"

"Are pork chops greasy?"

"Don't go getting your panties in a wad."

"He's so poor, he ain't got two nickels to rub together."

"Up s**t creek without a paddle."

"He's so slick he could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves."

"He could sell ice to an Eskimo."

"I'll be on you like a dog on a meat wagon."

"That's enough to make the preacher cuss."

"He's got about as much sense as tree bark."

"He's got a snowball's chance in hell of..."

"He's crazy as a sprayed roach."

"She's crazy as a run-over dog."

"He's runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cut off."

"I need that like I need a sharp stick in the eye." -OR- "It beats a sharp stick in the eye."

"You've got me cryin' tears as big as horse turds.

"They've got the personality of a bag of chapped assholes."

"Haven't eaten anything yet I wanted to spit back out."

(When food is real good) "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out."

(when something is unlikely/calling someone a liar)
-"Yeah, and I'm a gypsy jet pilot."
-"Anyone would believe that standing on their head."

"He can't carry a tune in a bucket."

"She's got a face like the business end of an old plow horse."

"He's busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest."

"...like white on rice."

"...cold as a witches tit." or "...cold as a well-digger's ass."

"He's so full o' s**t his eyes are turning brown."

"He's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog."

"Finer than a frog's hair"

"He couldn't find his way out of a torn paper bag."

"'Bout as full as a tick."

"Mad as a cat dunked in water."

"He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."

"She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick."

"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining."

"About as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."

"He's drunker than Cooter Brown"

Instead of saying "Be there soon." they all say "Be there directly."

"He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."

"Does a bear s**t in the woods?"

"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?"

"Are pork chops greasy?"

"Don't go getting your panties in a wad."

"He's so poor, he ain't got two nickels to rub together."

"Up s**t creek without a paddle."

"He's so slick he could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves."

"He could sell ice to an Eskimo."

"I'll be on you like a dog on a meat wagon."

"That's enough to make the preacher cuss."

"He's got about as much sense as tree bark."

"He's got a snowball's chance in hell of..."

I'm not aware of any NASCAR association, but from The Urban Dictionary...

To Go Sideways: Jargon; most commonly found among enforcement officers, military, and those in similar circles, including criminals.

Used to describe when a tense situation, usually an operation of some kind, suffers a catastrophic breakdown and devolves into near-chaos, usually requiring violence and/or aggression to restore order.

Likewise, to say something "almost went sideways" means that such a breakdown was narrowly averted.

"He's crazy as a sprayed roach."

"She's crazy as a run-over dog."

"He's runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cut off."

"I need that like I need a sharp stick in the eye." -OR- "It beats a sharp stick in the eye."

"You've got me cryin' tears as big as horse turds.

"They've got the personality of a bag of chapped assholes."

"Haven't eaten anything yet I wanted to spit back out."

(When food is real good) "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out."

(when something is unlikely/calling someone a liar)
-"Yeah, and I'm a gypsy jet pilot."
-"Anyone would believe that standing on their head."

"He can't carry a tune in a bucket."

"She's got a face like the business end of an old plow horse."

"He's busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest."

"...like white on rice."

"...cold as a witches tit." or "...cold as a well-digger's ass."

"He's so full o' s**t his eyes are turning brown."

"He's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog."

"Finer than a frog's hair"

"He couldn't find his way out of a torn paper bag."

"'Bout as full as a tick."

"Mad as a cat dunked in water."

"He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."

"She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick."

"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining."

"About as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."

"He's drunker than Cooter Brown"

Instead of saying "Be there soon." they all say "Be there directly."

"He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."

"Does a bear s**t in the woods?"

"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?"

"Are pork chops greasy?"

"Don't go getting your panties in a wad."

"He's so poor, he ain't got two nickels to rub together."

"Up s**t creek without a paddle."

"He's so slick he could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves."

"He could sell ice to an Eskimo."

"I'll be on you like a dog on a meat wagon."

"That's enough to make the preacher cuss."

"He's got about as much sense as tree bark."

"He's got a snowball's chance in hell of..."

"He's crazy as a sprayed roach."

"She's crazy as a run-over dog."

"He's runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cut off."

"I need that like I need a sharp stick in the eye." -OR- "It beats a sharp stick in the eye."

"You've got me cryin' tears as big as horse turds.

"They've got the personality of a bag of chapped assholes."

"Haven't eaten anything yet I wanted to spit back out."

(When food is real good) "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out."

(when something is unlikely/calling someone a liar)
-"Yeah, and I'm a gypsy jet pilot."
-"Anyone would believe that standing on their head."

"He can't carry a tune in a bucket."

"She's got a face like the business end of an old plow horse."

"He's busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest."

"...like white on rice."

"...cold as a witches tit." or "...cold as a well-digger's ass."

"He's so full o' s**t his eyes are turning brown."

"He's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog."

"Finer than a frog's hair"

"He couldn't find his way out of a torn paper bag."

"'Bout as full as a tick."

"Mad as a cat dunked in water."

"He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."

"She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick."

"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining."

"About as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."

"He's drunker than Cooter Brown"

Instead of saying "Be there soon." they all say "Be there directly."

"He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."

"Does a bear s**t in the woods?"

"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?"

"Are pork chops greasy?"

"Don't go getting your panties in a wad."

"He's so poor, he ain't got two nickels to rub together."

"Up s**t creek without a paddle."

"He's so slick he could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves."

"He could sell ice to an Eskimo."

"I'll be on you like a dog on a meat wagon."

"That's enough to make the preacher cuss."

"He's got about as much sense as tree bark."

"He's got a snowball's chance in hell of..."