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Old rural sayin's...
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Jan 9, 2020 19:33:27   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach."

"She's crazy as a run-over dog."

"He's runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cut off."

"I need that like I need a sharp stick in the eye." -OR- "It beats a sharp stick in the eye."

"You've got me cryin' tears as big as horse turds.

"They've got the personality of a bag of chapped assholes."

"Haven't eaten anything yet I wanted to spit back out."

(When food is real good) "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out."

(when something is unlikely/calling someone a liar)
-"Yeah, and I'm a gypsy jet pilot."
-"Anyone would believe that standing on their head."

"He can't carry a tune in a bucket."

"She's got a face like the business end of an old plow horse."

"He's busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest."

"...like white on rice."

"...cold as a witches tit." or "...cold as a well-digger's ass."

"He's so full o' shit his eyes are turning brown."

"He's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog."

"Finer than a frog's hair"

"He couldn't find his way out of a torn paper bag."

"'Bout as full as a tick."

"Mad as a cat dunked in water."

"He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."

"She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick."

"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining."

"About as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."

"He's drunker than Cooter Brown"

Instead of saying "Be there soon." they all say "Be there directly."

"He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."

"Does a bear shit in the woods?"

"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?"

"Are pork chops greasy?"

"Don't go getting your panties in a wad."

"He's so poor, he ain't got two nickels to rub together."

"Up shit creek without a paddle."

"He's so slick he could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves."

"He could sell ice to an Eskimo."

"I'll be on you like a dog on a meat wagon."

"That's enough to make the preacher cuss."

"He's got about as much sense as tree bark."

"He's got a snowball's chance in hell of..."

| Reply
Jan 9, 2020 19:46:04   #
bilordinary Loc: SW Washington
 
slatten49 wrote:
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach."

"She's crazy as a run-over dog."

"He's runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cut off."

"I need that like I need a sharp stick in the eye." -OR- "It beats a sharp stick in the eye."

"You've got me cryin' tears as big as horse turds.

"They've got the personality of a bag of chapped assholes."

"Haven't eaten anything yet I wanted to spit back out."

(When food is real good) "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out."

(when something is unlikely/calling someone a liar)
-"Yeah, and I'm a gypsy jet pilot."
-"Anyone would believe that standing on their head."

"He can't carry a tune in a bucket."

"She's got a face like the business end of an old plow horse."

"He's busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest."

"...like white on rice."

"...cold as a witches tit." or "...cold as a well-digger's ass."

"He's so full o' shit his eyes are turning brown."

"He's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog."

"Finer than a frog's hair"

"He couldn't find his way out of a torn paper bag."

"'Bout as full as a tick."

"Mad as a cat dunked in water."

"He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."

"She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick."

"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining."

"About as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."

"He's drunker than Cooter Brown"

Instead of saying "Be there soon." they all say "Be there directly."

"He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."

"Does a bear shit in the woods?"

"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?"

"Are pork chops greasy?"

"Don't go getting your panties in a wad."

"He's so poor, he ain't got two nickels to rub together."

"Up shit creek without a paddle."

"He's so slick he could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves."

"He could sell ice to an Eskimo."

"I'll be on you like a dog on a meat wagon."

"That's enough to make the preacher cuss."

"He's got about as much sense as tree bark."

"He's got a snowball's chance in hell of..."
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach." br br ... (show quote)


Mine, bet you ain't heard these ones!

On a beer day
You can pee forever.

Shit right
wipe once.

Not very good, but original.

| Reply
Jan 9, 2020 19:55:30   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
bilordinary wrote:
Mine, bet you ain't heard these ones!

On a beer day
You can pee forever.

Shit right
wipe once.

Not very good, but original.


Consider 'em added to the list

| Reply
Jan 9, 2020 20:03:34   #
Smedley_buzkill
 
slatten49 wrote:
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach."

"She's crazy as a run-over dog."

"He's runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cut off."

"I need that like I need a sharp stick in the eye." -OR- "It beats a sharp stick in the eye."

"You've got me cryin' tears as big as horse turds.

"They've got the personality of a bag of chapped assholes."

"Haven't eaten anything yet I wanted to spit back out."

(When food is real good) "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out."

(when something is unlikely/calling someone a liar)
-"Yeah, and I'm a gypsy jet pilot."
-"Anyone would believe that standing on their head."

"He can't carry a tune in a bucket."

"She's got a face like the business end of an old plow horse."

"He's busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest."

"...like white on rice."

"...cold as a witches tit." or "...cold as a well-digger's ass."

"He's so full o' shit his eyes are turning brown."

"He's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog."

"Finer than a frog's hair"

"He couldn't find his way out of a torn paper bag."

"'Bout as full as a tick."

"Mad as a cat dunked in water."

"He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."

"She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick."

"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining."

"About as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."

"He's drunker than Cooter Brown"

Instead of saying "Be there soon." they all say "Be there directly."

"He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."

"Does a bear shit in the woods?"

"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?"

"Are pork chops greasy?"

"Don't go getting your panties in a wad."

"He's so poor, he ain't got two nickels to rub together."

"Up shit creek without a paddle."

"He's so slick he could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves."

"He could sell ice to an Eskimo."

"I'll be on you like a dog on a meat wagon."

"That's enough to make the preacher cuss."

"He's got about as much sense as tree bark."

"He's got a snowball's chance in hell of..."
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach." br br ... (show quote)


You forgot "He could sell shoes to a snake."

| Reply
Jan 9, 2020 20:04:27   #
bilordinary Loc: SW Washington
 
slatten49 wrote:
Consider 'em added to the list


I don't know what to say!

| Reply
Jan 9, 2020 20:26:49   #
bilordinary Loc: SW Washington
 
slatten49 wrote:
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach."

"She's crazy as a run-over dog."

"He's runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cut off."

"I need that like I need a sharp stick in the eye." -OR- "It beats a sharp stick in the eye."

"You've got me cryin' tears as big as horse turds.

"They've got the personality of a bag of chapped assholes."

"Haven't eaten anything yet I wanted to spit back out."

(When food is real good) "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out."

(when something is unlikely/calling someone a liar)
-"Yeah, and I'm a gypsy jet pilot."
-"Anyone would believe that standing on their head."

"He can't carry a tune in a bucket."

"She's got a face like the business end of an old plow horse."

"He's busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest."

"...like white on rice."

"...cold as a witches tit." or "...cold as a well-digger's ass."

"He's so full o' shit his eyes are turning brown."

"He's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog."

"Finer than a frog's hair"

"He couldn't find his way out of a torn paper bag."

"'Bout as full as a tick."

"Mad as a cat dunked in water."

"He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."

"She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick."

"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining."

"About as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."

"He's drunker than Cooter Brown"

Instead of saying "Be there soon." they all say "Be there directly."

"He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."

"Does a bear shit in the woods?"

"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?"

"Are pork chops greasy?"

"Don't go getting your panties in a wad."

"He's so poor, he ain't got two nickels to rub together."

"Up shit creek without a paddle."

"He's so slick he could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves."

"He could sell ice to an Eskimo."

"I'll be on you like a dog on a meat wagon."

"That's enough to make the preacher cuss."

"He's got about as much sense as tree bark."

"He's got a snowball's chance in hell of..."
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach." br br ... (show quote)


Ya can't get there from here!

| Reply
Jan 9, 2020 20:59:38   #
Carol Kelly
 
slatten49 wrote:
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach."

"She's crazy as a run-over dog."

"He's runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cut off."

"I need that like I need a sharp stick in the eye." -OR- "It beats a sharp stick in the eye."

"You've got me cryin' tears as big as horse turds.

"They've got the personality of a bag of chapped assholes."

"Haven't eaten anything yet I wanted to spit back out."

(When food is real good) "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out."

(when something is unlikely/calling someone a liar)
-"Yeah, and I'm a gypsy jet pilot."
-"Anyone would believe that standing on their head."

"He can't carry a tune in a bucket."

"She's got a face like the business end of an old plow horse."

"He's busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest."

"...like white on rice."

"...cold as a witches tit." or "...cold as a well-digger's ass."

"He's so full o' shit his eyes are turning brown."

"He's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog."

"Finer than a frog's hair"

"He couldn't find his way out of a torn paper bag."

"'Bout as full as a tick."

"Mad as a cat dunked in water."

"He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."

"She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick."

"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining."

"About as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."

"He's drunker than Cooter Brown"

Instead of saying "Be there soon." they all say "Be there directly."

"He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."

"Does a bear shit in the woods?"

"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?"

"Are pork chops greasy?"

"Don't go getting your panties in a wad."

"He's so poor, he ain't got two nickels to rub together."

"Up shit creek without a paddle."

"He's so slick he could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves."

"He could sell ice to an Eskimo."

"I'll be on you like a dog on a meat wagon."

"That's enough to make the preacher cuss."

"He's got about as much sense as tree bark."

"He's got a snowball's chance in hell of..."
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach." br br ... (show quote)


Running around like a chicken with its head chopped off and Looks like she was hit by an ugly stick. Favorites, the others must have been Texan.

| Reply
Jan 9, 2020 22:07:22   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
Smedley_buzkill wrote:
You forgot "He could sell shoes to a snake."

I only posted a sampling, Smedley. Perhaps, at a later time, I will present more. I certainly recall that one, though.

| Reply
Jan 9, 2020 22:08:54   #
archie bunker Loc: Texas
 
slatten49 wrote:
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach."

"She's crazy as a run-over dog."

"He's runnin' around like a chicken with it's head cut off."

"I need that like I need a sharp stick in the eye." -OR- "It beats a sharp stick in the eye."

"You've got me cryin' tears as big as horse turds.

"They've got the personality of a bag of chapped assholes."

"Haven't eaten anything yet I wanted to spit back out."

(When food is real good) "It'll make your tongue slap your brains out."

(when something is unlikely/calling someone a liar)
-"Yeah, and I'm a gypsy jet pilot."
-"Anyone would believe that standing on their head."

"He can't carry a tune in a bucket."

"She's got a face like the business end of an old plow horse."

"He's busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest."

"...like white on rice."

"...cold as a witches tit." or "...cold as a well-digger's ass."

"He's so full o' shit his eyes are turning brown."

"He's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog."

"Finer than a frog's hair"

"He couldn't find his way out of a torn paper bag."

"'Bout as full as a tick."

"Mad as a cat dunked in water."

"He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."

"She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick."

"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining."

"About as nervous as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."

"He's drunker than Cooter Brown"

Instead of saying "Be there soon." they all say "Be there directly."

"He couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."

"Does a bear shit in the woods?"

"Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?"

"Are pork chops greasy?"

"Don't go getting your panties in a wad."

"He's so poor, he ain't got two nickels to rub together."

"Up shit creek without a paddle."

"He's so slick he could sell ketchup Popsicles to a woman in white gloves."

"He could sell ice to an Eskimo."

"I'll be on you like a dog on a meat wagon."

"That's enough to make the preacher cuss."

"He's got about as much sense as tree bark."

"He's got a snowball's chance in hell of..."
"He's crazy as a sprayed roach." br br ... (show quote)


I'll add this in tribute to my late cowboy friend, Jim Bob Walden.

Sore as a fag's ass.

| Reply
Jan 9, 2020 22:18:01   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
archie bunker wrote:
I'll add this in tribute to my late cowboy friend, Jim Bob Walden.

Sore as a fag's ass.

Well, okay then, Arch.

| Reply
Jan 9, 2020 22:23:21   #
archie bunker Loc: Texas
 
slatten49 wrote:
Well, okay then, Arch.


Hey, it was funny when he called it in to the radio show and it made air before they could stop it!

| Reply
Jan 9, 2020 22:23:38   #
vernon
 
archie bunker wrote:
I'll add this in tribute to my late cowboy friend, Jim Bob Walden.

Sore as a fag's ass.



| Reply
Jan 9, 2020 22:34:05   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
archie bunker wrote:
Hey, it was funny when he called it in to the radio show and it made air before they could stop it!

Well, then Arch, that's a whole different story.

| Reply
Jan 9, 2020 23:14:09   #
archie bunker Loc: Texas
 
slatten49 wrote:
Well, then Arch, that's a whole different story.


It was funnier'n yur ex wife fallin down the stairs!

| Reply
Jan 9, 2020 23:17:55   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
archie bunker wrote:
It was funnier'n yur ex wife fallin down the stairs!

Why do I suspect your ex-wife falling down the stairs would be more your preference

| Reply
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