AuntiE
Loc: 45th Least Free State
https://babylonbee.com/news/updating-wedding-vows-explicitly-include-allowing-your-wife-to-steal-the-blankets-every-nightUpdated Wedding Vows Specifically Include Allowing Your Wife To Steal The Blankets Every NightOctober 15th, 2019
U.S.—An updated set of wedding vows will force the g***m to specifically promise to allow his bride to steal the blankets every night until death.
Published by Wives for a Warmer Night's Sleep, LLC, the vows are being implemented in wedding ceremonies across the country right away.
There was high demand for an update to the old wedding vows, which call on the husband and wife to promise to take care of each other and be faithful but say nothing about how to resolve disputes over the covers in the middle of the night. These new oaths cover the issue clearly and effectively, with the husband surrendering all rights to a warm sleep.
The new vows read as follows:
"I, [Name], take you, [Name] for my lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part. And I will also allow you to roll over and steal all the covers every night and not complain when I wake up shivering in the middle of the night. Because I know you're really cold and need the covers far more than I do. I willingly make that sacrifice for you today and forevermore. Should I fail to keep this vow, may I be attacked by an army of bears riding dinosaurs, who are riding even larger bears."
The nation's husbands have come up with competing vows that compel the bride to promise not to interrupt
Call of Duty sessions.
AuntiE wrote:
https://babylonbee.com/news/updating-wedding-vows-explicitly-include-allowing-your-wife-to-steal-the-blankets-every-night
Updated Wedding Vows Specifically Include Allowing Your Wife To Steal The Blankets Every Night
October 15th, 2019
U.S.—An updated set of wedding vows will force the g***m to specifically promise to allow his bride to steal the blankets every night until death.
Published by Wives for a Warmer Night's Sleep, LLC, the vows are being implemented in wedding ceremonies across the country right away.
There was high demand for an update to the old wedding vows, which call on the husband and wife to promise to take care of each other and be faithful but say nothing about how to resolve disputes over the covers in the middle of the night. These new oaths cover the issue clearly and effectively, with the husband surrendering all rights to a warm sleep.
The new vows read as follows:
"I, [Name], take you, [Name] for my lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part. And I will also allow you to roll over and steal all the covers every night and not complain when I wake up shivering in the middle of the night. Because I know you're really cold and need the covers far more than I do. I willingly make that sacrifice for you today and forevermore. Should I fail to keep this vow, may I be attacked by an army of bears riding dinosaurs, who are riding even larger bears."
The nation's husbands have come up with competing vows that compel the bride to promise not to interrupt Call of Duty sessions.
https://babylonbee.com/news/updating-wedding-vows-... (
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We have no need to renew vows at this point. We have an 80lb bulldog who insists on sleeping between us anchoring the covers.
The only argument is over whose ear he will snore in tonight.
archie bunker wrote:
We have no need to renew vows at this point. We have an 80lb bulldog who insists on sleeping between us anchoring the covers.
The only argument is over whose ear he will snore in tonight.
You live in Texas and you use covers
Would never have guessed it
Canuckus Deploracus wrote:
You live in Texas and you use covers
Would never have guessed it
Egyptian cotton with a thread count so high that Clan hoods can't be made out of em no matter how much starch you use!
Canuckus Deploracus wrote:
Mrs. B. has refined me! I'm just a snob now!
archie bunker wrote:
Mrs. B. has refined me! I'm just a snob now!
Texan Snob
Isn't that an oxymoron?
Oxymoron are fun...
My favorite at the moment is "i*****l i*******t"...
Canuckus Deploracus wrote:
Texan Snob
Isn't that an oxymoron?
Oxymoron are fun...
My favorite at the moment is "i*****l i*******t"...
Let's switch gears just for fun!
How about "Low maintenance woman"?
How about "reasonable woman"?
Canuckus Deploracus wrote:
Don't think we're supposed to call them that anymo... (
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That is true!
Here's one for you!
I'm married to a smart blonde.
archie bunker wrote:
That is true!
Here's one for you!
I'm married to a smart blonde.
A blonde, a brunette, and a ginger walk into a bar... That's three more for the #metoo movement
archie bunker wrote:
That is true!
Here's one for you!
I'm married to a smart blonde.
How do you double a blonde's IQ?
Get her pregnant
Canuckus Deploracus wrote:
Texan Snob
Isn't that an oxymoron?
Oxymoron are fun...
My favorite at the moment is "i*****l i*******t"...
I*****l a***ns!!! Correct terminology! Or invaders/locusts
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