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Updated Wedding Vows
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Oct 16, 2019 13:25:14   #
AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State
 
https://babylonbee.com/news/updating-wedding-vows-explicitly-include-allowing-your-wife-to-steal-the-blankets-every-night

Updated Wedding Vows Specifically Include Allowing Your Wife To Steal The Blankets Every Night
October 15th, 2019

U.S.—An updated set of wedding vows will force the g***m to specifically promise to allow his bride to steal the blankets every night until death.

Published by Wives for a Warmer Night's Sleep, LLC, the vows are being implemented in wedding ceremonies across the country right away.

There was high demand for an update to the old wedding vows, which call on the husband and wife to promise to take care of each other and be faithful but say nothing about how to resolve disputes over the covers in the middle of the night. These new oaths cover the issue clearly and effectively, with the husband surrendering all rights to a warm sleep.

The new vows read as follows:

"I, [Name], take you, [Name] for my lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part. And I will also allow you to roll over and steal all the covers every night and not complain when I wake up shivering in the middle of the night. Because I know you're really cold and need the covers far more than I do. I willingly make that sacrifice for you today and forevermore. Should I fail to keep this vow, may I be attacked by an army of bears riding dinosaurs, who are riding even larger bears."

The nation's husbands have come up with competing vows that compel the bride to promise not to interrupt Call of Duty sessions.

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Oct 16, 2019 22:13:17   #
archie bunker Loc: Texas
 
AuntiE wrote:
https://babylonbee.com/news/updating-wedding-vows-explicitly-include-allowing-your-wife-to-steal-the-blankets-every-night

Updated Wedding Vows Specifically Include Allowing Your Wife To Steal The Blankets Every Night
October 15th, 2019

U.S.—An updated set of wedding vows will force the g***m to specifically promise to allow his bride to steal the blankets every night until death.

Published by Wives for a Warmer Night's Sleep, LLC, the vows are being implemented in wedding ceremonies across the country right away.

There was high demand for an update to the old wedding vows, which call on the husband and wife to promise to take care of each other and be faithful but say nothing about how to resolve disputes over the covers in the middle of the night. These new oaths cover the issue clearly and effectively, with the husband surrendering all rights to a warm sleep.

The new vows read as follows:

"I, [Name], take you, [Name] for my lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part. And I will also allow you to roll over and steal all the covers every night and not complain when I wake up shivering in the middle of the night. Because I know you're really cold and need the covers far more than I do. I willingly make that sacrifice for you today and forevermore. Should I fail to keep this vow, may I be attacked by an army of bears riding dinosaurs, who are riding even larger bears."

The nation's husbands have come up with competing vows that compel the bride to promise not to interrupt Call of Duty sessions.
https://babylonbee.com/news/updating-wedding-vows-... (show quote)


We have no need to renew vows at this point. We have an 80lb bulldog who insists on sleeping between us anchoring the covers.
The only argument is over whose ear he will snore in tonight.

Reply
Oct 16, 2019 22:18:01   #
Canuckus Deploracus Loc: North of the wall
 
archie bunker wrote:
We have no need to renew vows at this point. We have an 80lb bulldog who insists on sleeping between us anchoring the covers.
The only argument is over whose ear he will snore in tonight.


You live in Texas and you use covers

Would never have guessed it

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Oct 16, 2019 22:31:50   #
archie bunker Loc: Texas
 
Canuckus Deploracus wrote:
You live in Texas and you use covers

Would never have guessed it


Egyptian cotton with a thread count so high that Clan hoods can't be made out of em no matter how much starch you use!

Reply
Oct 16, 2019 22:49:29   #
Canuckus Deploracus Loc: North of the wall
 
archie bunker wrote:
Egyptian cotton with a thread count so high that Clan hoods can't be made out of em no matter how much starch you use!


Egyptian cotton!

And some people think you're a bigot

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Oct 16, 2019 23:29:32   #
archie bunker Loc: Texas
 
Canuckus Deploracus wrote:
Egyptian cotton!

And some people think you're a bigot


Mrs. B. has refined me! I'm just a snob now!

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Oct 16, 2019 23:31:35   #
Canuckus Deploracus Loc: North of the wall
 
archie bunker wrote:
Mrs. B. has refined me! I'm just a snob now!


Texan Snob

Isn't that an oxymoron?

Oxymoron are fun...

My favorite at the moment is "i*****l i*******t"...

Reply
 
 
Oct 16, 2019 23:39:28   #
archie bunker Loc: Texas
 
Canuckus Deploracus wrote:
Texan Snob

Isn't that an oxymoron?

Oxymoron are fun...

My favorite at the moment is "i*****l i*******t"...


Let's switch gears just for fun!

How about "Low maintenance woman"?

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Oct 16, 2019 23:57:38   #
Canuckus Deploracus Loc: North of the wall
 
archie bunker wrote:
Let's switch gears just for fun!

How about "Low maintenance woman"?


How about "reasonable woman"?

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Oct 17, 2019 00:02:45   #
archie bunker Loc: Texas
 
Canuckus Deploracus wrote:
How about "reasonable woman"?


Obedient cat?

Reply
Oct 17, 2019 00:05:42   #
Canuckus Deploracus Loc: North of the wall
 
archie bunker wrote:
Obedient cat?


Don't think we're supposed to call them that anymore...But you cleaned it up nicely

My wife would like to chime in by stating that to progressives the term "woman" is an oxymoron all by itself

Reply
 
 
Oct 17, 2019 00:12:57   #
archie bunker Loc: Texas
 
Canuckus Deploracus wrote:
Don't think we're supposed to call them that anymore...But you cleaned it up nicely

My wife would like to chime in by stating that to progressives the term "woman" is an oxymoron all by itself
Don't think we're supposed to call them that anymo... (show quote)


That is true!
Here's one for you!

I'm married to a smart blonde.

Reply
Oct 17, 2019 00:22:24   #
Canuckus Deploracus Loc: North of the wall
 
archie bunker wrote:
That is true!
Here's one for you!

I'm married to a smart blonde.


A blonde, a brunette, and a ginger walk into a bar... That's three more for the #metoo movement

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Oct 17, 2019 00:29:36   #
Canuckus Deploracus Loc: North of the wall
 
archie bunker wrote:
That is true!
Here's one for you!

I'm married to a smart blonde.


How do you double a blonde's IQ?

Get her pregnant

Reply
Oct 17, 2019 09:21:32   #
Wonttakeitanymore
 
Canuckus Deploracus wrote:
Texan Snob

Isn't that an oxymoron?

Oxymoron are fun...

My favorite at the moment is "i*****l i*******t"...


I*****l a***ns!!! Correct terminology! Or invaders/locusts

Reply
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