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May 12, 2019 14:34:10   #
badbobby (a regular here)
 
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, “Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!”



The preacher said, “Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.”



The man said, “I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!”



The preacher said, “No shit?”



WEDNESDAY






THURSDAY



One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her



92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.



Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.



“Your Honor,” she began coolly, “I figured that at 92, if he could have sex,



He could fly.”



FRIDAY



A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa...



“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.



Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG.



High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that’s the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”



After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”



SATURDAY



Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.



His buddies at the club are all aghast. At their very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?” Bob replied, “Girlfriend? She's my wife!” They’re knocked over, but continue to ask: “So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?” “I lied about my age,” Bob replied. “What? Did you tell her you were only 50?”



Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”



SUNDAY



Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.



“These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.” She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”



A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”











...

| Reply
May 12, 2019 14:42:27   #
bahmer (a regular here)
 
badbobby wrote:
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, “Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!”



The preacher said, “Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.”



The man said, “I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!”



The preacher said, “No shit?”



WEDNESDAY






THURSDAY



One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her



92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.



Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.



“Your Honor,” she began coolly, “I figured that at 92, if he could have sex,



He could fly.”



FRIDAY



A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa...



“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.



Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG.



High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that’s the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”



After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”



SATURDAY



Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.



His buddies at the club are all aghast. At their very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?” Bob replied, “Girlfriend? She's my wife!” They’re knocked over, but continue to ask: “So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?” “I lied about my age,” Bob replied. “What? Did you tell her you were only 50?”



Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”



SUNDAY



Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.



“These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.” She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”



A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”











...
A man went to church one day and afterward he stop... (show quote)


Those were all good there badbobby thanks for the laughs.

| Reply
May 12, 2019 15:14:20   #
Reality (a regular here)
 
Those were funny

| Reply
May 12, 2019 15:51:49   #
Noraa (a regular here)
 
badbobby wrote:
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, “Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!”



The preacher said, “Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.”



The man said, “I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!”



The preacher said, “No shit?”



WEDNESDAY






THURSDAY



One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her



92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.



Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.



“Your Honor,” she began coolly, “I figured that at 92, if he could have sex,



He could fly.”



FRIDAY



A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa...



“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.



Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG.



High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that’s the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”



After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”



SATURDAY



Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.



His buddies at the club are all aghast. At their very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?” Bob replied, “Girlfriend? She's my wife!” They’re knocked over, but continue to ask: “So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?” “I lied about my age,” Bob replied. “What? Did you tell her you were only 50?”



Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”



SUNDAY



Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.



“These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.” She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”



A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”











...
A man went to church one day and afterward he stop... (show quote)


Perfect for Mothers Day! Thanks!!

| Reply
May 13, 2019 07:13:56   #
Peewee (a regular here)
 
badbobby wrote:
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, “Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!”



The preacher said, “Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.”



The man said, “I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!”



The preacher said, “No shit?”



WEDNESDAY






THURSDAY



One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her



92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.



Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.



“Your Honor,” she began coolly, “I figured that at 92, if he could have sex,



He could fly.”



FRIDAY



A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa...



“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.



Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG.



High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that’s the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”



After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”



SATURDAY



Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.



His buddies at the club are all aghast. At their very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?” Bob replied, “Girlfriend? She's my wife!” They’re knocked over, but continue to ask: “So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?” “I lied about my age,” Bob replied. “What? Did you tell her you were only 50?”



Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”



SUNDAY



Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.



“These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.” She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”



A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”











...
A man went to church one day and afterward he stop... (show quote)


So? Where did you go on your tour?

| Reply
May 13, 2019 13:48:37   #
badbobby (a regular here)
 
Peewee wrote:
So? Where did you go on your tour?


to Walmart and back

| Reply
May 13, 2019 18:14:02   #
bahmer (a regular here)
 
badbobby wrote:
to Walmart and back


Hey there badbobby I have heard that the weather in and around the Houston area is fantastic and so my next question to you is when are you going fishin again? And this time I don't want no excuses I want pictures of fish real honest to goodness fish. Understood?

| Reply
May 13, 2019 18:19:12   #
badbobby (a regular here)
 
bahmer wrote:
Hey there badbobby I have heard that the weather in and around the Houston area is fantastic and so my next question to you is when are you going fishin again? And this time I don't want no excuses I want pictures of fish real honest to goodness fish. Understood?
Hey there badbobby I have heard that the weather i... (show quote)


alas
boat motor broke
now I gotta sit here and listen to you guys mess up OPP

| Reply
May 13, 2019 18:29:31   #
bahmer (a regular here)
 
badbobby wrote:
alas
boat motor broke
now I gotta sit here and listen to you guys mess up OPP


How did it broke? Were you out fishin when it broke?

Besides it won't hurt you to get some education

by being present here on OPP.

| Reply
May 14, 2019 11:47:14   #
badbobby (a regular here)
 
bahmer wrote:
How did it broke? Were you out fishin when it broke?

Besides it won't hurt you to get some education

by being present here on OPP.


what you are callin education
I call BS

| Reply
May 14, 2019 12:07:00   #
bahmer (a regular here)
 
badbobby wrote:
what you are callin education
I call BS


Hey I resemble that remark so mind your P's and Q's there sonny boy.

| Reply
May 14, 2019 12:27:38   #
badbobby (a regular here)
 
bahmer wrote:
Hey I resemble that remark so mind your P's and Q's there sonny boy.


you resemble a lotta things bahm
but I'm thinkin it ain't that remark

| Reply
May 14, 2019 12:38:28   #
bahmer (a regular here)
 
badbobby wrote:
you resemble a lotta things bahm
but I'm thinkin it ain't that remark


Thanks for the sweet talking but you still haven't
told me what happened to the motor.

| Reply
May 14, 2019 15:07:07   #
badbobby (a regular here)
 
bahmer wrote:
Thanks for the sweet talking but you still haven't
told me what happened to the motor.


all I can tell you is that it will start but when gas is given it dies.
in the shop now

| Reply
May 14, 2019 15:11:24   #
bahmer (a regular here)
 
badbobby wrote:
all I can tell you is that it will start but when gas is given it dies.
in the shop now


Well we'll have take the motor away from you then until you learn how to run it.

There is always oars you know and we all could use some exercise now couldn't we?

Just think of those arm muscles that you could develop rowing a boat all over the lake?

| Reply
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