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Canuck gets lost
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Mar 4, 2019 13:05:15   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
Canuck was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house. Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I'm lost," said Canuck. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said Canuck, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to Canuck as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."



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Mar 4, 2019 13:35:14   #
bahmer
 
badbobby wrote:
Canuck was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house. Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I'm lost," said Canuck. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said Canuck, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to Canuck as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
Canuck was wandering, lost, in a forest when he c... (show quote)


That will teach him to mess around.

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Mar 4, 2019 14:12:25   #
Seth
 
badbobby wrote:
Canuck was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house. Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I'm lost," said Canuck. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said Canuck, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to Canuck as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
Canuck was wandering, lost, in a forest when he c... (show quote)


OUCH!

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Mar 4, 2019 16:06:47   #
ACP45 Loc: Rhode Island
 
badbobby wrote:
Canuck was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house. Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I'm lost," said Canuck. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said Canuck, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to Canuck as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
Canuck was wandering, lost, in a forest when he c... (show quote)


Could this be the origin of the adage "Caught between a rock and a hard place?"

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Mar 4, 2019 16:09:57   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
ACP45 wrote:
Could this be the origin of the adage "Caught between a rock and a hard place?"


dunno but China's been around a long time

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Mar 4, 2019 16:27:06   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
I'ma guessing Canuck was'a thinking "Nuts to this situation."

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Mar 4, 2019 17:26:19   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
slatten49 wrote:
I'ma guessing Canuck was'a thinking "Nuts to this situation."


prolly where the expression--'Aw Sh--'came from

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Mar 4, 2019 17:33:15   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
badbobby wrote:
prolly where the expression--'Aw Sh--'came from

Mayhaps.

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Mar 4, 2019 17:36:29   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
slatten49 wrote:
Mayhaps.


eh

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Mar 4, 2019 18:18:42   #
Canuckus Deploracus Loc: North of the wall
 
badbobby wrote:
Canuck was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house. Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I'm lost," said Canuck. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said Canuck, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to Canuck as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
Canuck was wandering, lost, in a forest when he c... (show quote)


I'm going to look for the silver lining... Two ropes tied around two testicles... Yep... Canuckistanian men are men

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Mar 4, 2019 18:46:54   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
Canuckus Deploracus wrote:
I'm going to look for the silver lining... Two ropes tied around two testicles... Yep... Canuckistanian men are men

Yep...In referencing rope to the testicles, I suspect BB took ample literary license.

After all, being from Texas, he had only a Texan's experience as to what was needed.

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Mar 4, 2019 19:04:23   #
Canuckus Deploracus Loc: North of the wall
 
slatten49 wrote:
Yep...In referencing rope to the testicles, I suspect BB took ample literary license.

After all, being from Texas, he had only a Texan's experience as to what was needed.


Kind of a lasso situation

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Mar 5, 2019 07:20:59   #
TommyRadd Loc: Midwest USA
 
badbobby wrote:
prolly where the expression--'Aw Sh--'came from


Not that deep. It’s actually where the expression “you sure know how to hurt a guy” comes from.

Which in turn gave birth to the expressions: “boy, that’s an understatement” and after that, “you can say that again”

!!!

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Mar 5, 2019 12:36:06   #
F.D.R.
 
In English grammar class I suppose he was left with a dangling participle

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Mar 5, 2019 13:27:40   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
F.D.R. wrote:
In English grammar class I suppose he was left with a dangling participle


or two

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