slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

By Dick Wolfsie

There are probably dozens of bells and whistles on my smart phone that I haven't discovered yet.

A friend told me the other day that you can have your phone announce who is calling you. Here's another cool trick he taught me: if you are unhappy with what you've typed in a text, instead of erasing all of it, just shake the phone and it all disappears.

Next think you know, you'll be able to take a photograph with your phone: How cool would that be?

Until recently, I didn't realize that instead of using my chubby sausage fingers to text a message, I can press this tiny microphone symbol on my phone and then simply talk into the device. Magically the words are t***scribed! Was I that stupid? No, I'm 71.

Needless to say, the discovery of this simple feature has changed my life. No longer do I send messages that say things like: 'I gat your email anf hipe to yiu im the veri near futurg."

"Wait, don't you have spellcheck?" you might ask. I don't use spellcheck. I don't trust it. When I type PRINCIPAL instead of PRINCIPLE, it doesn't set corrected, and it makes me seem ignorant when I text a friend saying "I stand up for my principals." It looks like I'm complimenting local school officials.

But spellcheck has a hissy fit if I type Febuary instead of February. Come on, who doesn't make that mistake? Get off my back.

Here is what happened the other day: I was in my basement office texting my friend Bob and said into the phone: "Can we meet at Starbucks tomorrow?" As the text was being t***scribed, my wife heard me from upstairs and thought I was talking to her.

"Dick, why are we meeting at Starbucks tomorrow?"

I yelled upstairs, "I wasn't talking to you! You and I are not going to Starbucks tomorrow."

My message read: "Can we meet at Starbucks tomorrow? I wasn't talking to you. You and I are not going to Starbucks tomorrow." Then I accidentally sent the text. And, I got this back from Bob: "Dick, are we meeting at Starbucks or not? Why are you so indecisive? By the way, if you aren't talking to me, why are we even meeting?"

I texted back and told Bob that I was actually talking to my wife at the time. This made no sense because the text said that I was not talking to her. So Bob thinks Mary Ellen and I aren't on speaking terms. And now you see how rumors get started.

I am continually getting better at this form of texting. This morning, Mary Ellen heard me saying this: "Hello COMMA Bob COMMA hey it's me EXCLAMATION POINT if you get the time COMMA I'd like to get together Monday DOT DOT DOT Will that work for you QUESTION MARK

"That is so strange," said Mary Ellen, who was listening from the top of the stairs. "I know you are a grammar nut, but I just heard you talking and punctuating your own speech."

I hollered back to her, "I do not want to talk about this ever again. PERIOD."

bahmer

Good one so that is what that little microphone is for I can just speak the text and the phone writes it wow I will have to try that out. Thanks for that tip.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

You'll note that I did not write this column/article. I don't even own a smart-phone. Nor, do I want one. Hell, I don't even text, tweet or do Facebook. I am a present-day Neanderthal.

Peewee Loc: San Antonio, TX

That was funny, think I might be related to him.

lindajoy Loc: right here with you....

Lololololol!!! very good!!’ True too.

Wonttakeitanymore

I h**e spellcheck and autocorrect!! I spend more time trying to explain strange messages!! When u try speaking a message it sometimes doesn’t understand you!!!! There was a cute video of a little girl trying to tell Siri to play a song! She got totally frustrated and started yelling at it!

bahmer

I did get an I phone at the insistence of my granddaughter after my wife passed and I am still confused by it as I don't text except in rare instances to my daughter. I don't tweet either. I am pretty much right behind you on the Neanderthal part. I keep telling my grand kids that I have a cell phone not a cell typewriter.

4430 Loc: Little Egypt ** Southern Illinory

LOl The way I talk it can't possibly understand my Southern Illinory dialect so I do very little texting !

When I do text back and forth when I'm still answering the first text they have all ready texted me several more times Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

bahmer

Amen and Amen I hear you on that one.

BearK Loc: TN

Most of my phone is a mystery to me, but I feel why bother with a contraption when I can actually be doing something.

Lonewolf

I have one and never turn it on never liked phones much

EN Submarine Qualified Loc: Wisconsin East coast

Yep. Most of mine is also a mystery. I tried to fix this by inquiring of Apple if there was an instruction book. Yep and for $8.99 you can download it. No thanks, I'll use the phone part and take a few pics on occasion and forget the rest.

badbobby Loc: texas

how would I add that to my smoke signals?
it gets pretty tiring wavin that wet blanket around

bahmer

I thought that the wet blanket that you were waving
around was that dastardly Marine Slatten.

Peewee Loc: San Antonio, TX

You're a senior citizen and need the exercise. Fishing is a passive sport. Passive sports make your butt wider and your joints calcify. Least that's what Bahm and Slat said. So keep waving that wet blanket. Just remember to swap hands once in a while. You don't want mismatching biceps.