slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes, because I know I'm not dumb. I also know that I'm not blonde." {Dolly Parton}

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy." {Erica Jong}

"I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of them told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours." {Rita Radner}

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." {Jay Leno}

"I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day." {anonymous}

"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. {Wendy Liebman}

"If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them." {Sue Grafton}

"I'm not going to vacuuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on." {Roseanne Barr}

"I think, therefore I'm single." {Lizz Winstead}

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." {Maryon Pearson}

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." {Elaine Boosler}

"My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance." {Tim Allen}

"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." {Gilda Radner}

"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman." {Margaret Thatcher}

"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a careet." {Gloria Steinhem}

"I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff." {unknown}

"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." {Gloria Steinhem}

"I never married because there wa sno need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as a husband. I hve a dog, which growls every morning; a parrot, which swears all afternoon; and a cat that comes home late at night." {Marie Corelli}

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house." {Lewis Grizzard}

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" {Linda Ellerbee}

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house." {Zsa Zsa Gabor}

"God created man before creating woman, becajuse you need a rough draft before you create a masterpiece." {unknown}

"Women complain aboutj prementrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." {Roseanne Barr}

"We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can k**l. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.' " {Elaine Boosler}

"Men do not like to admit to even momentary inperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. whe the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code...he turned himself in." {Rita Rudner}

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." {Billy Crystal}

"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?" [Rita Rudner}

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." {Rita Rudner}

bahmer

[quote=slatten49]"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes, because I know I'm not dumb. I also know that I'm not blonde." {Dolly Parton}

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy." {Erica Jong}

"I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of them told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours." {Rita Radner}

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." {Jay Leno}

"I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day." {anonymous}

"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. {Wendy Liebman}

"If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them." {Sue Grafton}

"I'm not going to vacuuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on." {Roseanne Barr}

"I think, therefore I'm single." {Lizz Winstead}

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." {Maryon Pearson}

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." {Elaine Boosler}

"My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance." {Tim Allen}

"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." {Gilda Radner}

"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman." {Margaret Thatcher}

"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a careet." {Gloria Steinhem}

"I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff." {unknown}

"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." {Gloria Steinhem}

"I never married because there wa sno need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as a husband. I hve a dog, which growls every morning; a parrot, which swears all afternoon; and a cat that comes home late at night." {Marie Corelli}

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house." {Lewis Grizzard}

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" {Linda Ellerbee}

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house." {Zsa Zsa Gabor}

"God created man before creating woman, becajuse you need a rough draft before you create a masterpiece." {unknown}

"Women complain aboutj prementrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." {Roseanne Barr}

"We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can k**l. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.' " {Elaine Boosler}

"Men do not like to admit to even momentary inperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. whe the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code...he turned himself in." {Rita Rudner}

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." {Billy Crystal}

"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?" [Rita Rudner}

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." {Rita Rudner}[/quote]

Good one liners there Slatten thanks for the laughs.

badbobby Loc: texas

was it necessary to repeat the whole post bahm???

badbobby Loc: texas

[quote=slatten49]"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes, because I know I'm not dumb. I also know that I'm not blonde." {Dolly Parton}

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy." {Erica Jong}

"I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of them told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours." {Rita Radner}

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." {Jay Leno}

"I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day." {anonymous}

"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. {Wendy Liebman}

"If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them." {Sue Grafton}

"I'm not going to vacuuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on." {Roseanne Barr}

"I think, therefore I'm single." {Lizz Winstead}

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." {Maryon Pearson}

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." {Elaine Boosler}

"My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance." {Tim Allen}

"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." {Gilda Radner}

"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman." {Margaret Thatcher}

"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a careet." {Gloria Steinhem}

"I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff." {unknown}

"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." {Gloria Steinhem}

"I never married because there wa sno need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as a husband. I hve a dog, which growls every morning; a parrot, which swears all afternoon; and a cat that comes home late at night." {Marie Corelli}

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house." {Lewis Grizzard}

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" {Linda Ellerbee}

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house." {Zsa Zsa Gabor}

"God created man before creating woman, becajuse you need a rough draft before you create a masterpiece." {unknown}

"Women complain aboutj prementrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." {Roseanne Barr}

"We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can k**l. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.' " {Elaine Boosler}

"Men do not like to admit to even momentary inperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. whe the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code...he turned himself in." {Rita Rudner}

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." {Billy Crystal}

"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?" [Rita Rudner}

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." {Rita Rudner}[/quote]



i'll go along with
"women need a reason
to have sex"
and most of the time you cain't give them that reason

bahmer

It came up that way when I hit quote reply your beef is with
that dastardly Marine for setting it up that way.

badbobby Loc: texas

well flip
I did it too
my bad bahm

bahmer

Yup your sure enough did.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

bahmer (a regular here) (online) Joined: Mar 17, 2013 Posts: 36967

badbobby wrote:
well flip
I did it too
my bad bahm

Yup your sure enough did.
bahmer

Yup, you two are quite the pair.

flash

The article I read about the symptoms of stress said the same thing therefore I made up my mind to quit READING