The bragging Texan: I was out in the county the other day helping an old boy repair his rock wall. A Texan was driving by and stopped just to chat. He was a friendly sort so we didn't...

Coos Bay Tom Loc: coos bay oregon

I was out in the county the other day helping an old boy repair his rock wall. A Texan was driving by and stopped just to chat. He was a friendly sort so we didn't mind. He told the old boy "It sure is pretty here -how big is your spread?" The old boy answered "It goes to that Maple tree an over to that oak tree then over by that group of cedars then down the hill to the creek. The Texan said" Geeze you call that a spread." " I have a place in Texas that I can jump in my pickup and I can try all day but still can't drive across it." The old boy answered back "Yeah I know what you mean. I used to have a pickup like that"

Smedley_buzkill

Coos Bay Tom wrote:

I was out in the county the other day helping an o... (show quote)

The beautiful young gold digger from the Pacific Northwest heard there were rich Texas cattlemen looking for wives. She went to Texas to ply her trade. Her first night there she met a Texas Cattleman. Right away she asked him how big his spread was. "10,000 acres, Ma'am, I call it the Rocking W."
Duly impressed, she decided to try and do better. Right away on here second night she met another Texan. She asked him how much land he owned. "40,000 acres, ma'am. I call it the Lazy M." The young gold digger really got excited then and figured the 3rd time was the charm. Upon meeting her third Texan on her third night, she repeated her question. "I own about 15 acres, ma'am." Shocked at how she had wasted her time on this guy, she sarcastically said, "Okay loser, now that you've wasted my valuable time, what the hell do you call your little 15 acres?" The fellow scratched his head and stated; "I don't call it anything, ma'am. Everyone else calls it Downtown Dallas."

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Keep'em coming, you two rascals.

Coos Bay Tom Loc: coos bay oregon

Smedley_buzk**l wrote:

The beautiful young gold digger from the Pacific N... (show quote)

Coos Bay Tom Loc: coos bay oregon

A young Texan had never been away from the ranch and on his 21st birthday his Daddy gave him $500 and sent him to the big city. He went to the saloon and soon attracted a gal who took him to her room. When she disrobed he just stood there gawking. She tried to break the ice and said" How do you like our wide open spaces" ? He replied " I don't know Ma'am I ain't never been around these parts before"

Coos Bay Tom Loc: coos bay oregon

slatten49 wrote:

Keep'em coming, you two rascals.

Will do-- Hope I don't start a fight LOL

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Coos Bay Tom wrote:

A young Texan had never been away from the ranch and on his 21st birthday his Daddy gave him $500 and sent him to the big city. He went to the saloon and soon attracted a gal who took him to her room. When she disrobed he just stood there gawking. She tried to break the ice and said" How do you like our wide open spaces" ? He replied " I don't know Ma'am I ain't never been around these parts before"

Your story reminds me of the first time The Sgt. Major took advantage of my youth and innocence.

Oldsailor65 Loc: Iowa

Coos Bay Tom wrote:

A young Texan had never been away from the ranch and on his 21st birthday his Daddy gave him $500 and sent him to the big city. He went to the saloon and soon attracted a gal who took him to her room. When she disrobed he just stood there gawking. She tried to break the ice and said" How do you like our wide open spaces" ? He replied " I don't know Ma'am I ain't never been around these parts before"

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The first lieing Texan doesn't stand a chance:

Buck The One Eyed Old Cowboy

A one eyed old cowboy named Buck was riding on the range with his trusted horse Charcoal. Buck had lost an eye in the Indian wars and had a glass eye. He was riding close to a deep canyon one day when a rattle snake scared ol Charcoal and he reared up on his hind legs. Buck said “whoa Charcoal whoa Charcoal were close to the cliff, 500 foot drop off Charcoal.
Charcoal settled down and then a prairie dog startled Charcoal again and again Charcoal reared up on his hind legs Buck again said “whoa Charcoal whoa Charcoal were close to the cliff, 500 foot drop off Charcoal. “
No sooner did Charcoal get settled down than a hawk going after the prairie dog scared Charcoal again and this time they were right on the F**ing edge of the cliff. Buck said whoa Charcoal...whoa Charcoal 500 foot drop off Charcoal, then Buck took his glass eye out, stuck it under neath Charcoal’s tail and said “their ...see for yourself Charcoal”.

Coos Bay Tom Loc: coos bay oregon

slatten49 wrote:

Your story reminds me of the first time The Sgt. Major took advantage of my youth and innocence.

guess you Texans mate for life.

Coos Bay Tom Loc: coos bay oregon

Oldsailor65 wrote:

**************************************************... (show quote)

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

A Texas game warden came upon a coyote caught in a trap. He returned to his office and called the Oklahoma game warden and told him one of his coyotes was caught in a trap. "How do you know it's one of our coyotes?" asked the Oklahoma game warden. "Well," replied the Texas game warden, "He's already chewed off three of his legs and he's still trapped!"

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "Nothing," shrugged the woman, "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off." "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback..."

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Shopping in Texas

My grandpa would always tell me that when he was growing up, in rural Texas, his momma would give him $1 and send him down to the store. He'd come back with 2 loaves of bread, half a gallon of milk, a carton of eggs, and a pound of pork. He says you can't do that now-a-days, way too many security cameras.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said the student. And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. "Elation," said she. "And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?" The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

archie bunker Loc: Texas

slatten49 wrote:

A Texas game warden came upon a coyote caught in a trap. He returned to his office and called the Oklahoma game warden and told him one of his coyotes was caught in a trap. "How do you know it's one of our coyotes?" asked the Oklahoma game warden. "Well," replied the Texas game warden, "He's already chewed off three of his legs and he's still trapped!"

The Texans, and Okies were fighting back, and forth across the Red River one time. The Okies continually bombarded the Texans with dynamite from across the river until the Texans finally got tired of it, and started lighting it, and throwing it back.
Now we all get along!