https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/pence-asks-jesus-to-rapture-him-up-before-mueller-can-indict-him?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20120718&CNDID=39115857&utm_source=nl&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Borowitz%20120718&utm_content=&utm_brand=tny&utm_mailing=Borowitz%20120718&hasha=8ece34bcac31c32a63ae5413791f5003&hashb=5c7beb62337fe31f37ce28588db9450052cb5b58&spMailingID=14753626&spUserID=MTMzMTg0NTc1MzYwS0&spJobID=1540597195&spReportId=MTU0MDU5NzE5NQS2

Photograph by Andrew Harrer / Bloomberg via Getty
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Vice-President Mike Pence has requested that Jesus Christ rapture him up before the special counsel Robert Mueller can indict him, a source close to Pence confirmed on Friday.
Shortly after the former national-security adviser Michael Flynn pleaded guilty to lying to the F.B.I., Pence contacted Jesus to discuss the early rapture proposal, the source said.
The source characterized Pence’s request to be raptured up as “urgent” but did not indicate whether the Vice-President asked Jesus to rapture up any other senior Administration officials.
“Some of these people will have to be left behind, for obvious reasons,” the source said. “Jared, for example.”
After the news of Pence’s conversation with Jesus leaked to the press, the Vice-President released an official statement, intended to tamp down speculation about his rapture request.
“I had a good conversation with Jesus Christ earlier in the day,” the statement read. “We touched on the timetable of my rapturing-up, along with a broad range of other issues. That is all I have to say at the present time.”

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/pence-asks-jesus-to-rapture-him-up-before-mueller-can-indict-him?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20120718&CNDID=39115857&utm_source=nl&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Borowitz%20120718&utm_content=&utm_brand=tny&utm_mailing=Borowitz%20120718&hasha=8ece34bcac31c32a63ae5413791f5003&hashb=5c7beb62337fe31f37ce28588db9450052cb5b58&spMailingID=14753626&spUserID=MTMzMTg0NTc1MzYwS0&spJobID=1540597195&spReportId=MTU0MDU5NzE5NQS2

Photograph by Andrew Harrer / Bloomberg via Getty
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Vice-President Mike Pence has requested that Jesus Christ rapture him up before the special counsel Robert Mueller can indict him, a source close to Pence confirmed on Friday.
Shortly after the former national-security adviser Michael Flynn pleaded guilty to lying to the F.B.I., Pence contacted Jesus to discuss the early rapture proposal, the source said.
The source characterized Pence’s request to be raptured up as “urgent” but did not indicate whether the Vice-President asked Jesus to rapture up any other senior Administration officials.
“Some of these people will have to be left behind, for obvious reasons,” the source said. “Jared, for example.”
After the news of Pence’s conversation with Jesus leaked to the press, the Vice-President released an official statement, intended to tamp down speculation about his rapture request.
“I had a good conversation with Jesus Christ earlier in the day,” the statement read. “We touched on the timetable of my rapturing-up, along with a broad range of other issues. That is all I have to say at the present time.”

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/pence-asks-jesus-to-rapture-him-up-before-mueller-can-indict-him?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20120718&CNDID=39115857&utm_source=nl&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Borowitz%20120718&utm_content=&utm_brand=tny&utm_mailing=Borowitz%20120718&hasha=8ece34bcac31c32a63ae5413791f5003&hashb=5c7beb62337fe31f37ce28588db9450052cb5b58&spMailingID=14753626&spUserID=MTMzMTg0NTc1MzYwS0&spJobID=1540597195&spReportId=MTU0MDU5NzE5NQS2

Photograph by Andrew Harrer / Bloomberg via Getty
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Vice-President Mike Pence has requested that Jesus Christ rapture him up before the special counsel Robert Mueller can indict him, a source close to Pence confirmed on Friday.
Shortly after the former national-security adviser Michael Flynn pleaded guilty to lying to the F.B.I., Pence contacted Jesus to discuss the early rapture proposal, the source said.
The source characterized Pence’s request to be raptured up as “urgent” but did not indicate whether the Vice-President asked Jesus to rapture up any other senior Administration officials.
“Some of these people will have to be left behind, for obvious reasons,” the source said. “Jared, for example.”
After the news of Pence’s conversation with Jesus leaked to the press, the Vice-President released an official statement, intended to tamp down speculation about his rapture request.
“I had a good conversation with Jesus Christ earlier in the day,” the statement read. “We touched on the timetable of my rapturing-up, along with a broad range of other issues. That is all I have to say at the present time.”

Because the God who you mock is bringing things to pass on a idolatrous world. You Bob, we're specifically prophecied about thousands of years ago..You unfortunately are the Goliath of "mockers" on OPP..You stand tall for your brief period of time in this life....There will be a time of final judgement, when the book of life is opened...and you laugh and mock the Creator..who has offered you more than you can conceive. So yeah, goliath, shout it up. Roll on the ground like an animal. "You can carry a bucket, you can carry a grudge, but you can't carry on, because here comes the,...."Judge"