permafrost Loc: Minnesota

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man…and then my dog bit me."

"So . . . I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!....

But hell... enough about me... how are you doing?”

Armageddun Loc: The show me state

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

You are now responsible for Tuesday amusement! You will REALLY REALLY have to work to top this one. :!:

Nickolai

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes to a friend:

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Life Is Good, Enjoy It!

archie bunker Loc: Texas

Man!! Some tough competition going on around here today!!
Both outstanding!! Thanks!! LOL!!

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

You are assigned Thursday humor. I skipped Wednesday, as it is already assigned.

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

Thank you all for brightening up a day that didn't start off very well. Great push in the right direction!

alex Loc: michigan now imperial beach californa

I've had a few of those kind of days.

bahmer

Great one I really enjoyed it.

Armageddun Loc: The show me state

An old priest was getting sick and tired of all the people in his parish who kept confessing adultery. One Sunday in the pulpit he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Everyone liked him, so the parishioners came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen". This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.

About a week later, the new priest visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word.

The priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week."

bahmer

Good one AuntiE will put you down for a day of humor with that one.

Armageddun Loc: The show me state

:lol: :lol: :lol: :oops: :oops: I doubt it, she will probably chew me out.. :shock: :shock:

alex Loc: michigan now imperial beach californa

or both

Armageddun Loc: The show me state

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

So it was a female who had three "fallen". :hunf: is there some reason the mayor had to be male?

You are assigned Monday.

We now have Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday.