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Mar 24, 2014 20:56:02   #
Ve'hoe
 
I didn't post that,,,, but your joke was good,,,,,,,,,

Happy J wrote:
You already posted this. Almost funny the first time I read it. So, you might appreciate this one

Two old guys were sitting under a tree, watching the sun go down. One says, "You know, I'm 84 years old and my body is full of aches and pains. You're about my age. How do you feel?"

The other guy says, "Oh, I feel like a newborn baby."

"Really," says the first guy.

"Yep," says the second one. "No teeth, no hair and I think I just wet my pants."
You already posted this. Almost funny the first t... (show quote)

Reply
Mar 24, 2014 21:03:46   #
archie bunker Loc: Texas
 
Happy J wrote:
Did you not buy her a shot gun? Perhaps it was another poster. I have spent much time reading everyone's posts, or back 6 moths whichever is shorter.

Ahh! Yes! She loves it! Boy, I caught some flak for that one!
These folks just don't know her like I do!

Reply
Mar 24, 2014 21:12:10   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
I must say, Happy J...you are a welcome member of the OPP, along with your jokes. :thumbup:

However, as Ve'hoe said, it is One Political Plaza. Do not let the inevitable injection of politics deter you from allowing us to enjoy your humor. It would be our loss. :wink:

Reply
 
 
Mar 24, 2014 21:38:11   #
Searching Loc: Rural Southwest VA
 
Happy J wrote:
There is a blonde on a plane to New York. She is sitting in the first class section, but her ticket says that she should be in the coach section. A flight attendant realizes the blonde's mistake and asks her politely to move. The blonde won't move. All she says is, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."

The flight attendant goes and tells all of the other flight attendants. They all try to persuade the blonde to move, but she won't move. All she says is, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."

The flight attendants go and tell the pilot about the obnoxious blonde. They tell him the only thing that she says. He puts the plane on auto-pilot and whispers something in the blonde's ear.

Immediately, she gets up and moves to her normal seat. Then the pilot goes back to fly the plane. The flight attendants are all very curious about how the pilot made the blonde move so quickly.

They ask him and he says, "Oh, it was easy. All i had to do was tell her that the first class section wasn't going to New York!"

For all you blonde haired people, please feel free to change the hair color.
There is a blonde on a plane to New York. She is s... (show quote)


Well, it was, but now it has turned to all silver, so guess I'm safe.:lol: Nice to have you back to grace us with your presence, truly.

Reply
Mar 24, 2014 21:57:51   #
Happy J
 
Thank you for the welcome aboard. Most charitable of you. I read that you were going to Florida, I trust you had a good trip.

Yes this is One Political Plaza and I have posted many political jokes in the political portion of the forum. I was under the impression that general chit chat was separated from the political side of things. I guess I was wrong, my goal was to give people a laugh that did not make a political statement.

I was here before, stayed for about a week. Ran into the most unpleasant people; two men and a most unhappy woman. This brought to mind what my Pappy told me as a kid, he said "son you can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they are around your throat then she's probably slightly upset."


slatten49 wrote:
I must say, Happy J...you are a welcome member of the OPP, along with your jokes. :thumbup:

However, as Ve'hoe said, it is One Political Plaza. Do not let the inevitable injection of politics deter you from allowing us to enjoy your humor. It would be our loss. :wink:

Reply
Mar 24, 2014 22:03:50   #
Happy J
 
Most kind. Thank you. You do know that I was not picking on blonde haired people. My son has beautiful blonde hair and I learned these jokes just to hear his come backs. I learned old folks jokes to get reactions form my mother-in-law who has a wonderful sense of humor, bad church jokes for our minister, and the list goes on. So, I guess I am an EOT picker! Feel free to pick back. I love a good laugh.

By the way, how are your llamas doing? Yes, I just finished reading all your comments and posts for the past 6 months.

Searching wrote:
Well, it was, but now it has turned to all silver, so guess I'm safe.:lol: Nice to have you back to grace us with your presence, truly.

Reply
Mar 24, 2014 22:20:05   #
Happy J
 
When George found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his ill father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles club where he checked out the most beautiful woman he had ever seen..

Her natural beauty was astounding it took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two my father will die, and I'll inherit 15 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.

Three days later, she became his stepmother

Reply
 
 
Mar 24, 2014 22:21:27   #
archie bunker Loc: Texas
 
Happy J wrote:
Although you are welcome to post, this topic was nonpolitical and intended to be funny, to lighten the mood, and to divert hostilities. Could you find a joke to share with us that is not mean spirited or political, please?


Don't try and k**l me. We are adults, right?
Older couple having breakfast on their 50th anniversary.
The gal asks: "Do you remember what we were doing, at this time, 50 years ago today?
The old fellow looks over the top of his paper and says "Yeah, we were having breakfast naked.
Gal says: "Why can't we do that now, its been 50 years?
After a while, he finally submits.
She is sitting there staring at him with complete adoration in her eyes, and says: "Even after 50 years you still make my nipples good and hot!
He looks over the top of his paper and says:"Yeah, that is because one is in your coffee, and the other one is in your oatmeal."

Reply
Mar 24, 2014 22:25:02   #
Loki Loc: Georgia
 
Happy J wrote:
Most kind. Thank you. You do know that I was not picking on blonde haired people. My son has beautiful blonde hair and I learned these jokes just to hear his come backs. I learned old folks jokes to get reactions form my mother-in-law who has a wonderful sense of humor, bad church jokes for our minister, and the list goes on. So, I guess I am an EOT picker! Feel free to pick back. I love a good laugh.

By the way, how are your llamas doing? Yes, I just finished reading all your comments and posts for the past 6 months.
Most kind. Thank you. You do know that I was not... (show quote)


You still haven't topped the Corporations. That's like having the finale first.

Reply
Mar 24, 2014 22:25:32   #
Happy J
 
OMG LMAO!!!! Good one Archie! Thanks!


archie bunker wrote:
Don't try and k**l me. We are adults, right?
Older couple having breakfast on their 50th anniversary.
The gal asks: "Do you remember what we were doing, at this time, 50 years ago today?
The old fellow looks over the top of his paper and says "Yeah, we were having breakfast naked.
Gal says: "Why can't we do that now, its been 50 years?
After a while, he finally submits.
She is sitting there staring at him with complete adoration in her eyes, and says: "Even after 50 years you still make my nipples good and hot!
He looks over the top of his paper and says:"Yeah, that is because one is in your coffee, and the other one is in your oatmeal."
Don't try and k**l me. We are adults, right? br Ol... (show quote)


:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

Reply
Mar 24, 2014 22:30:18   #
Happy J
 
So, here is one for you:

A couple in their nineties were having trouble remembering things so they went to their doctor for checkups. The doctor told them that they were both physically fine and advised them to write things down to help them remember.

Later that evening while watching television, the husband got up from his chair to go to the kitchen for a snack. He asked his wife if she wanted anything.

"Could you bring me a bowl of ice cream?" she asked.

"Sure," he replied.

"Do you think you should write that down to remember it?" she asked.

"No, I can remember that," he said.

"I'd like some strawberries on it, too. Do you need to write that down?" she said.

"No, I can remember that, too. Ice cream with strawberries," he said, becoming a little irritated.

"I'd like some whipped cream on it, too. Can you remember all that? The doctor said you should write things down," she said.

"For goodness sakes, I can remember that. I don't need to write it down. A bowl of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream," he said, now more than a little irritated.

Off he went to the kitchen. About 20 minutes later he returned with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife stared at it for a moment and said, "Where's my toast?"

archie bunker wrote:
Don't try and k**l me. We are adults, right?
Older couple having breakfast on their 50th anniversary.
The gal asks: "Do you remember what we were doing, at this time, 50 years ago today?
The old fellow looks over the top of his paper and says "Yeah, we were having breakfast naked.
Gal says: "Why can't we do that now, its been 50 years?
After a while, he finally submits.
She is sitting there staring at him with complete adoration in her eyes, and says: "Even after 50 years you still make my nipples good and hot!
He looks over the top of his paper and says:"Yeah, that is because one is in your coffee, and the other one is in your oatmeal."
Don't try and k**l me. We are adults, right? br Ol... (show quote)

Reply
 
 
Mar 24, 2014 22:50:18   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
archie bunker wrote:
Don't try and k**l me. We are adults, right?
Older couple having breakfast on their 50th anniversary.
The gal asks: "Do you remember what we were doing, at this time, 50 years ago today?
The old fellow looks over the top of his paper and says "Yeah, we were having breakfast naked.
Gal says: "Why can't we do that now, its been 50 years?
After a while, he finally submits.
She is sitting there staring at him with complete adoration in her eyes, and says: "Even after 50 years you still make my nipples good and hot!
He looks over the top of his paper and says:"Yeah, that is because one is in your coffee, and the other one is in your oatmeal."
Don't try and k**l me. We are adults, right? br Ol... (show quote)


I will not share this with the Sgt. Major...well, maybe. :lol:

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

Reply
Mar 24, 2014 22:52:26   #
archie bunker Loc: Texas
 
Happy J wrote:
So, here is one for you:

A couple in their nineties were having trouble remembering things so they went to their doctor for checkups. The doctor told them that they were both physically fine and advised them to write things down to help them remember.

Later that evening while watching television, the husband got up from his chair to go to the kitchen for a snack. He asked his wife if she wanted anything.

"Could you bring me a bowl of ice cream?" she asked.

"Sure," he replied.

"Do you think you should write that down to remember it?" she asked.

"No, I can remember that," he said.

"I'd like some strawberries on it, too. Do you need to write that down?" she said.

"No, I can remember that, too. Ice cream with strawberries," he said, becoming a little irritated.

"I'd like some whipped cream on it, too. Can you remember all that? The doctor said you should write things down," she said.

"For goodness sakes, I can remember that. I don't need to write it down. A bowl of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream," he said, now more than a little irritated.

Off he went to the kitchen. About 20 minutes later he returned with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife stared at it for a moment and said, "Where's my toast?"
So, here is one for you: br br A couple in their ... (show quote)

Outstanding!!
:lol: :lol:

Reply
Mar 24, 2014 22:56:00   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
Happy J wrote:
So, here is one for you:

A couple in their nineties were having trouble remembering things so they went to their doctor for checkups. The doctor told them that they were both physically fine and advised them to write things down to help them remember.

Later that evening while watching television, the husband got up from his chair to go to the kitchen for a snack. He asked his wife if she wanted anything.

"Could you bring me a bowl of ice cream?" she asked.

"Sure," he replied.

"Do you think you should write that down to remember it?" she asked.

"No, I can remember that," he said.

"I'd like some strawberries on it, too. Do you need to write that down?" she said.

"No, I can remember that, too. Ice cream with strawberries," he said, becoming a little irritated.

"I'd like some whipped cream on it, too. Can you remember all that? The doctor said you should write things down," she said.

"For goodness sakes, I can remember that. I don't need to write it down. A bowl of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream," he said, now more than a little irritated.

Off he went to the kitchen. About 20 minutes later he returned with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife stared at it for a moment and said, "Where's my toast?"
So, here is one for you: br br A couple in their ... (show quote)


Well, I've got my stock of jokes for telling my neighbors tomorrow! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :mrgreen:

Reply
Mar 24, 2014 22:57:14   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
Happy J wrote:
When George found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his ill father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles club where he checked out the most beautiful woman he had ever seen..

Her natural beauty was astounding it took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two my father will die, and I'll inherit 15 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.

Three days later, she became his stepmother
When George found out he was going to inherit a fo... (show quote)


Yeah...that could happen. :lol:

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