"The father of scientific socialism and an inspirational figure to many leading Democrats, Karl Marx has announced that he is resigning as a seminal thinker and is asking all his followers, especially women, to forgive him and forget his doctrine of class conflict and c*******t internationalism due to allegations of sexual abuse of his female aide and a criminal conspiracy to cover it up".
In a statement to the press, he said: "This decision is not about me. It's about the workers of the world. It's become clear that I can't both continue to deal with my history of sexual misconduct (some of which I remember differently) and at the same time remain an effective messianic leader of the oppressed in their struggle against capitalist exploitation."
A replacement has not yet been located, though a certain Russian politician named Leon Trotsky has been suggested.
http://www.frontpagemag.com/fpm/268677/karl-marx-resign-ditch-legacy-due-sexual-oleg-atbashian
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