Lily

For those who don't know about history .... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic h****rs/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and k*****g animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement...

Other men who were less sk**led at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing,fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic v****g to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood, and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game h****rs, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.


Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America .

They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:


It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

Seems true desrpition of liberals.

CDM Loc: Florida

Very good. I like the beer part. You need to incorporate pizza into the next lesson...Libs understand pizza...they have to pay for the beer but the pizza is covered by their EBT card.

Loki Loc: Georgia

I am really beginning to like you.

Brian Devon

From your rantings, I would guess you've had one too many of those famous beers. Just remember, a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and 5 pounds of pork rinds, followed with a one gallon chaser of Mylanta, is not a well rounded meal.

cant beleve Loc: Planet Kolob

Well spoken just like a liberal. Had your papa Murphy pizza in the other hand while typing no doubt. I'm really liking this one also.

Armageddun Loc: The show me state

I wish you were teaching history in one of our schools today.... :lol: :lol: :lol:

Brian Devon

Can't. Most schools frown on Pabst soaked drunks teaching to our children.

Dave Loc: Upstate New York

Yes, they clearly prefer d*****t pot smokers.

Armageddun Loc: The show me state

Brian my friend, I see you crawled out from under your rock? Did you see your shadow? Haven't seen you for a while since I ditched Raylan and retired666 . Hope all is well in your liberal world. How is the rainfall out your way?
Did it fill up all your slush boxes?