slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

There is nothing more wonderful than the joy & comfort of a good marriage.

I would like to hear some input regarding the trials of marriage, once beyond the 'honeymoon' phase. I am referring to the years after the initial heat of physical desire and attraction wanes, and into the meat and potatoes aspect of a real union. What are the possible steps taken by each side to secure a solid foundation for a lifetime of happiness as a couple while keeping the flames or embers of passion alive?

DotsMan

Celebrated 48 years last week.
Two things:
1. The wife needs to realize that the husband isn't wrong about every thing and doesn't do every thing wrong.

2. The husband needs to realize that she ain't gonna do it

As Mr. Spock would say, "Live long and prosper."

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Floyd Brown Loc: Milwaukee WI

Well for me it is about family. It is more mother & father than husband & wife. 51 years, 7 Children, 11 Grandchildren, 3 Great Grandchildren 3 Step Grandchildren.

The toll that comes from doing all that was needed to bring this all about was not easy. My wife & I did what was need to bring it about.

Now will failing health we get great joy from our family.
All that we put in to raising them is but a faint memory. The reward or dividend of love we get from them has made it all worth while.

The feelings I have for my wife are much more than love.
We have been & still are there for each other.

One time a daughter got the tip of here little finger pinched.
I have this feeling that I have had since that time that I would not trade even the tip of one of my children fingers for any thing.

That is how I feel about my wife. At 77 I still keep working so I can provide for her health care & needs now & in the future.

No there isn't much of a flame of passion & the embers don't have much heat.

Harpooner1

Marriage begins with the intention of dedication to the union. Some say it is 50/50....No, it is 100/100. You need to have honesty and be able to talk instead of walk. Love is more than just lust and desire, although, you need that as well, it is a responsibility to another. and a responsibility to yourself. Yes, love is selfish in many ways. And, in a marriage, both parties have this responsibility. It is hard to totally open up to another human being about thoughts and feelings and desires lest we be judged as not acceptable. So, the hidden comes to the forefront at the worst times. Best to be yourself and present yourself as such in a marriage. No one is perfect. But, love does not ask for perfection. It only asks for willingness to get outside yourself and understand the bigger picture of what a meaningful relationship can be. It's more than two...It is the family, the friends, all those around you that can see a good marriage and the love and how it works. It's a good thing.

bmac32 Loc: West Florida

Hey, you ain't gonna win so just nod the head.

DotsMan

OK. That was a little attempt at some midnight humor.
Now the serious side.
In the last 48 years I have learned a few things that I wish I had known sooner, many of them by making mistakes.

The first step is to learn to communicate honestly. This I believe would prevent most divorces.

The biggest step, I believe, is to make your first rule of engagement, "There is absolutely nothing in the world worth fighting about."

That statement probably requires some explanation.
I see several levels of verbal communication:

1. Chit chat: Idle conversation about almost any thing.
Your opinion or preference doesn't matter and the only consequence is the reward of spending time together.

2. Discussion: More serious about almost any thing but differing opinions and preferences have some meaning but only lead to better understanding of each other and/or increased knowledge of the subject at hand.

3. Debate: This is when you have differing opinions and/or preferences and there is an apparent need to convince the other to change his/hers. This will usually involve expressing why you believe that your position is correct while being willing to accept the other persons.

4. Argument: This is when you have differing opinions and/or preferences and believe that changing the other persons mind is important enough to insist that "my way is the best way" and are willing to endure some short term friction in the relationship to reach a favorable. Remember you criticize the idea/opinion not the person. The result will eventually be an amicable agreement. Basically you are "attacking" the others opinion not the person.
This is a good time to let "the passion and physical attraction" calm the situation.

5. Fighting: This is verbally attacking the other person, name calling, threatening, insulting, etc. THIS IS WHAT YOU AGREE NEVER TO DO BECAUSE YOUR MARRAIGE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVERY THING ELSE. IF YOU ARE GOING TO FIGHT OVER IT, GET RID OF IT.

bmac32 Loc: West Florida

How about some plain ole respect and everything else will fall into place, my mother and father used it for 52 years and wife and I for 35 so far.

Harpooner1

Nice breakdown.

I'll say this...If you are fucking, you are not fighting. A great orgasm does wonders for the relationship! Have many and often, and things work out well. Simple? yes, but true.