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Chivalry Is Out Of Style?
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Jan 20, 2014 18:12:26   #
AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State
 
Chivalry is out of style

Posted on January 13, 2014 by The Matt Walsh Blog

This past Christmas Eve, I went to church with my wife, my sister, and my brother-in-law. We arrived a half hour early, which was a half hour too late. All of the seats were taken, and even the standing room in the back was filling quickly.

The four of us were able to carve out a spot to stand near the rear of the church. My wife and I have twin babies, and my sister had just given birth to her first child a week or two before. As we set up shop in the back, I thought to myself: “Well, we’ve got a young woman with a newborn and another woman with twins; surely a couple of the many men already sitting will jump up to offer their seats to my wife and sister. Nick and I can stand for the whole service, but there’s no reason why our wives should.” But my delusions were quickly interrupted by the harsh reality. As I looked around, I saw dozens of other women standing alongside us — many of them with kids in tow.

Maybe the hundreds of gentlemen in the pews just haven’t… noticed?

A few minutes later, I had to run to the car to get the diaper bag we’d left in the backseat. When I returned, my wife and sister were sitting in the pews.

Faith in modern manhood: restored.

For the time being, anyway.

I later found out that Beth and Alissa only ended up in seats because they were approached by two other women who offered to make room for them.

Faith in modern manhood: returned to its original severely diminished state.

I wasn’t going to write about this incident. I didn’t want to put a damper on the Christmas festivities. Then, this morning, I read about a recent survey, which came to the unsurprising conclusion that men are increasingly abandoning chivalrous customs. For their part, women are now more likely to be the ones committing certain acts of chivalry.

Our experience at church came rushing back into my mind.

I guess we need to talk about chivalry.

I can’t convince you that it’s cool or modern, but maybe I can show you why it’s important and necessary.

The study suggests that men who forgo chivalry often do so because they’re afraid that being gentlemen might seem “offensive” to some women. Meanwhile, only a small fraction of women actually report being offended by chivalrous deeds. Regardless, that is a flimsy and embarrassing excuse. If a woman is either pretentious or paranoid enough to take a kind gesture as an attack against her womanly identity, that’s her problem. Most, thankfully, are not nearly so confused. If they are, that isn’t our concern. We should do the right thing because it is the right thing; not because we’ve made a prediction as to how it will be received. If you have direct knowledge that a particular female is often quite horrified when car doors are opened for her or seats are offered to her on the subway, then I suppose you should respect her wishes — as ridiculous as they might be. But men are now dumping chivalry entirely, under the supposed assumption that ALL women take great offense to it. This can’t be justified. And, I suspect, it’s simply another thinly veiled excuse to be lazy, self-centered, and apathetic.

So, what about this chivalry thing? It’s true, I admit, that the whole shtick is horribly out of style. Then again, we live in a culture where “what’s in style” seems to change every three months, and the designations of “in” and “out” are completely contrived, shallow, and meaningless. Saying something is “in style” only means that “this is what people happen to be doing now.” Why are they doing it? Because they are. Why aren’t they doing the things they aren’t doing? Because they aren’t. And around we go in circles, spinning down the nihilistic drain.

Chivalry, on the other hand, had a POINT. And the point was deep and substantive. It was a point that rested on an understanding of human nature, and an earnest desire to battle our basest instincts. The point was never “subjugation of women” or “male dominance.” Quite the opposite, in fact. The point was love, and sacrifice, and service. The point was to make a statement that we are not beasts; we are not mere products of dog-eat-dog evolution. We will not live in a world where just the physically strongest survive. Women can only be s***es in a world like that, as history has proven many times.

The rejection of chivalry, on the other hand, is pointless because the rejecters don’t even understand what they’re rejecting. As usual.

Chivalry, as a word and a concept, has a long history, reaching back to the time of knights, feudal warfare, and the Truce of God. The latter was an attempt by the Church to curb and contain the violence and brutality of the Medieval Age. The meaning of “chivalry” has evolved, but its roots can be found in the oath that Crusader knights were made to take as part of their consecration, or “dubbing”. A knight swore “to defend to his uttermost the weak, the orphan, the widow and the oppressed; he should be courteous, and women should receive his especial care”.

Knights could use their strength and wealth to dominate and oppress, but they were called to utilize it in the opposite direction. They were called to do with their power what Christ did with His. They were called to love in the manner described by Paul in Ephesians 5. That’s chivalry. We might not wear suits of armor anymore (unfortunately), but there’s nothing suddenly irrelevant or unnecessary about the spirit of chivalry.

Other phrases and traditions have, over time, become associated with the chivalrous code. You might think of the sinking of the Titanic and “women and children first.” Actually, the first known application of this evacuation strategy occurred in the mid-1800′s, with the HMS Birkenhead shipwreck. After the ship hit a rock and began to sink, the women and children were ushered to the few usable liferafts. It wasn’t until she broke in two that the captain told the men to abandon ship and swim for the boats. But the Lieutenant-Colonel on board realized that the women and children would likely drown if all the men swamped the liferafts. He yelled for the men to stay put and go down with the ship. They did. Almost all of them. Few survived.

Chivalry.

Luckily, unless you plan to go on a voyage on a 19th century frigate this spring, you’ll likely never be called to give your life for the sake of chivalry. This is probably a good thing, seeing as how most of us won’t even give up our seat at church for it.

I said that chivalry — unlike the anti-chivalry movement — had a point. This is it. Chivalry calls for the strongest to serve and honor the weakest, realizing that the other option is for the strongest to dominate and abuse the weakest. Chivalry is one of the things that separates us from gorillas and wolves and rats. We, as chivalrous men, are called to use our strength in service to women, children, the infirm, and the elderly.

If we adopt an “every man and woman for him/herself” then no woman will ever escape a sinking ship again. The men could quite easily shove the women aside, jump on the lifeboats, and get outta Dodge.

You might think this irrelevant because you’ll probably never be in a floundering sea craft or a burning building, but I disagree. I think the whole world is sinking and on fire, and it’s been this way since the Fall of Man. And as things go bad, the weakest are the most exposed and vulnerable. That is, unless the strongest choose to stand fast and take the brunt of the storms that come.

In the mean time, as a routine matter, chivalry is still essential. Men should carry bags, and hold doors, and pull out chairs, and offer seats to women, not because women are incapable of standing or opening their own doors, but because of what these acts represent — what they say. And what they say is simple: “I am bigger and stronger than you, but I will use my strength to honor you and protect you. I will not hurt you. I will not take advantage of you. I will humble myself before you and serve you.”

Ask yourself: is it better that we live in a society where men are dedicated to using their physical superiority for good, even if the good is something as small as carrying a grocery bag or opening a door? If your answer is yes, then you should see the importance of chivalry.

If you answer “no,” then, well, I’m not sure where to go from here. You and I live in different universes.

And to men I ask this: what sort of man do you want to be? When you — assuming you are healthy and capable — sit as women stand, you have made a choice. That choice does not occur in a vacuum. You are now not just a man who sat while women stood, you are the sort of man who would sit as women stand. That wouldn’t look good on your Match.com profile, and it doesn’t bode well for society.

So be chivalrous. Be chivalrous for their sake and yours.

Reply
Jan 20, 2014 20:45:57   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
Simply put, chivalry is not only alive and well in the Slatten Family, but all over Texas, from what I can see.

In my world...Texas, or otherwise, it will never die.

It was disheartening to read your initial post.

Reply
Jan 20, 2014 21:01:05   #
AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State
 
slatten49 wrote:
Simply put, chivalry is not only alive and well in the Slatten Family, but all over Texas, from what I can see.

In my world...Texas, or otherwise, it will never die.

It was disheartening to read your initial post.


He is the person who titled it. I posted it exactly as I found it, title included.

The other thing I find "disheartening" is how elders are ignored.

In my area, Monday finds a large number of elders out doing weekly shopping. People rush around them with little regard for how disconcerting it can be for them. Sales personnel give them quick unclear answers to questions. You can literally see the looks of frustration or confusion on their faces.

I apparently have a flashing sign on my forehead saying, "Elder helper here." I am pleased I have the flashing sign. For some reason, elders always stop me to assist them. Interestingly enough, my progeny apparently has the same flashing sign. It pleases me yea progeny not only has it, but stops to assist. It is unconscionable to not help these people. :hunf:

Reply
 
 
Jan 20, 2014 21:08:41   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
AuntiE wrote:
He is the person who titled it. I posted it exactly as I found it, title included.

The other thing I find "disheartening" is how elders are ignored.

In my area, Monday finds a large number of elders out doing weekly shopping. People rush around them with little regard for how disconcerting it can be for them. Sales personnel give them quick unclear answers to questions. You can literally see the looks of frustration or confusion on their faces.

I apparently have a flashing sign on my forehead saying, "Elder helper here." I am pleased I have the flashing sign. For some reason, elders always stop me to assist them. Interestingly enough, my progeny apparently has the same flashing sign. It pleases me yea progeny not only has it, but stops to assist. It is unconscionable to not help these people. :hunf:
He is the person who titled it. I posted it exactl... (show quote)


Being my age, I understand the limitations advanced years can put on individuals. I always assist my elders...Family, or otherwise.

A people/population should always take care of their elderly, and of their youth. They are the past, and the future.

I like to think my children, grandchildren carry on my values, but I'm not always around them. I have seen them exhibit such behaviour, so I am encouraged.

Reply
Jan 20, 2014 23:54:26   #
Ve'hoe
 
Chivalry,,, was a casualty, of the liberal war on men,,,ie feminism.

If ye search elsewhere, ye are blind.

What man defends a soulless urchin whose call to arms is the right to murder their unborn children, easy to anger, and quick to take offense, THAT is the hallmark of the b***hy American female.

She stands and spews vile hatred and contempt upon the man in her life,,, and then wonders why he doesn't cherish her,,,

The serpents "gift" to eve was not the ability to tell right from wrong, but to be discontent with what god provided her,,,,

Now enmity exists forever,,, between the serpent, the female, and all who come in effective casualty radius.


Want to fix that problem,,,, then look at womens actions, and their vicious tongues,,,,, they are not only vicious to their men, but even worse to each other,,,,

Like the alcoholic or any other addict,,,, it isn't the object that makes you the a-hole,,,, it is that you are an a-hole that makes you want to abuse people, drugs, and all things,,, when you accept the role God gave you ,, you gain the power you cannot ever wrest from others........

YOu have to give up,, to win........ want chivalry??? Be worthy of it!!!
AuntiE wrote:
Chivalry is out of style

Posted on January 13, 2014 by The Matt Walsh Blog

This past Christmas Eve, I went to church with my wife, my sister, and my brother-in-law. We arrived a half hour early, which was a half hour too late. All of the seats were taken, and even the standing room in the back was filling quickly.

The four of us were able to carve out a spot to stand near the rear of the church. My wife and I have twin babies, and my sister had just given birth to her first child a week or two before. As we set up shop in the back, I thought to myself: “Well, we’ve got a young woman with a newborn and another woman with twins; surely a couple of the many men already sitting will jump up to offer their seats to my wife and sister. Nick and I can stand for the whole service, but there’s no reason why our wives should.” But my delusions were quickly interrupted by the harsh reality. As I looked around, I saw dozens of other women standing alongside us — many of them with kids in tow.

Maybe the hundreds of gentlemen in the pews just haven’t… noticed?

A few minutes later, I had to run to the car to get the diaper bag we’d left in the backseat. When I returned, my wife and sister were sitting in the pews.

Faith in modern manhood: restored.

For the time being, anyway.

I later found out that Beth and Alissa only ended up in seats because they were approached by two other women who offered to make room for them.

Faith in modern manhood: returned to its original severely diminished state.

I wasn’t going to write about this incident. I didn’t want to put a damper on the Christmas festivities. Then, this morning, I read about a recent survey, which came to the unsurprising conclusion that men are increasingly abandoning chivalrous customs. For their part, women are now more likely to be the ones committing certain acts of chivalry.

Our experience at church came rushing back into my mind.

I guess we need to talk about chivalry.

I can’t convince you that it’s cool or modern, but maybe I can show you why it’s important and necessary.

The study suggests that men who forgo chivalry often do so because they’re afraid that being gentlemen might seem “offensive” to some women. Meanwhile, only a small fraction of women actually report being offended by chivalrous deeds. Regardless, that is a flimsy and embarrassing excuse. If a woman is either pretentious or paranoid enough to take a kind gesture as an attack against her womanly identity, that’s her problem. Most, thankfully, are not nearly so confused. If they are, that isn’t our concern. We should do the right thing because it is the right thing; not because we’ve made a prediction as to how it will be received. If you have direct knowledge that a particular female is often quite horrified when car doors are opened for her or seats are offered to her on the subway, then I suppose you should respect her wishes — as ridiculous as they might be. But men are now dumping chivalry entirely, under the supposed assumption that ALL women take great offense to it. This can’t be justified. And, I suspect, it’s simply another thinly veiled excuse to be lazy, self-centered, and apathetic.

So, what about this chivalry thing? It’s true, I admit, that the whole shtick is horribly out of style. Then again, we live in a culture where “what’s in style” seems to change every three months, and the designations of “in” and “out” are completely contrived, shallow, and meaningless. Saying something is “in style” only means that “this is what people happen to be doing now.” Why are they doing it? Because they are. Why aren’t they doing the things they aren’t doing? Because they aren’t. And around we go in circles, spinning down the nihilistic drain.

Chivalry, on the other hand, had a POINT. And the point was deep and substantive. It was a point that rested on an understanding of human nature, and an earnest desire to battle our basest instincts. The point was never “subjugation of women” or “male dominance.” Quite the opposite, in fact. The point was love, and sacrifice, and service. The point was to make a statement that we are not beasts; we are not mere products of dog-eat-dog evolution. We will not live in a world where just the physically strongest survive. Women can only be s***es in a world like that, as history has proven many times.

The rejection of chivalry, on the other hand, is pointless because the rejecters don’t even understand what they’re rejecting. As usual.

Chivalry, as a word and a concept, has a long history, reaching back to the time of knights, feudal warfare, and the Truce of God. The latter was an attempt by the Church to curb and contain the violence and brutality of the Medieval Age. The meaning of “chivalry” has evolved, but its roots can be found in the oath that Crusader knights were made to take as part of their consecration, or “dubbing”. A knight swore “to defend to his uttermost the weak, the orphan, the widow and the oppressed; he should be courteous, and women should receive his especial care”.

Knights could use their strength and wealth to dominate and oppress, but they were called to utilize it in the opposite direction. They were called to do with their power what Christ did with His. They were called to love in the manner described by Paul in Ephesians 5. That’s chivalry. We might not wear suits of armor anymore (unfortunately), but there’s nothing suddenly irrelevant or unnecessary about the spirit of chivalry.

Other phrases and traditions have, over time, become associated with the chivalrous code. You might think of the sinking of the Titanic and “women and children first.” Actually, the first known application of this evacuation strategy occurred in the mid-1800′s, with the HMS Birkenhead shipwreck. After the ship hit a rock and began to sink, the women and children were ushered to the few usable liferafts. It wasn’t until she broke in two that the captain told the men to abandon ship and swim for the boats. But the Lieutenant-Colonel on board realized that the women and children would likely drown if all the men swamped the liferafts. He yelled for the men to stay put and go down with the ship. They did. Almost all of them. Few survived.

Chivalry.

Luckily, unless you plan to go on a voyage on a 19th century frigate this spring, you’ll likely never be called to give your life for the sake of chivalry. This is probably a good thing, seeing as how most of us won’t even give up our seat at church for it.

I said that chivalry — unlike the anti-chivalry movement — had a point. This is it. Chivalry calls for the strongest to serve and honor the weakest, realizing that the other option is for the strongest to dominate and abuse the weakest. Chivalry is one of the things that separates us from gorillas and wolves and rats. We, as chivalrous men, are called to use our strength in service to women, children, the infirm, and the elderly.

If we adopt an “every man and woman for him/herself” then no woman will ever escape a sinking ship again. The men could quite easily shove the women aside, jump on the lifeboats, and get outta Dodge.

You might think this irrelevant because you’ll probably never be in a floundering sea craft or a burning building, but I disagree. I think the whole world is sinking and on fire, and it’s been this way since the Fall of Man. And as things go bad, the weakest are the most exposed and vulnerable. That is, unless the strongest choose to stand fast and take the brunt of the storms that come.

In the mean time, as a routine matter, chivalry is still essential. Men should carry bags, and hold doors, and pull out chairs, and offer seats to women, not because women are incapable of standing or opening their own doors, but because of what these acts represent — what they say. And what they say is simple: “I am bigger and stronger than you, but I will use my strength to honor you and protect you. I will not hurt you. I will not take advantage of you. I will humble myself before you and serve you.”

Ask yourself: is it better that we live in a society where men are dedicated to using their physical superiority for good, even if the good is something as small as carrying a grocery bag or opening a door? If your answer is yes, then you should see the importance of chivalry.

If you answer “no,” then, well, I’m not sure where to go from here. You and I live in different universes.

And to men I ask this: what sort of man do you want to be? When you — assuming you are healthy and capable — sit as women stand, you have made a choice. That choice does not occur in a vacuum. You are now not just a man who sat while women stood, you are the sort of man who would sit as women stand. That wouldn’t look good on your Match.com profile, and it doesn’t bode well for society.

So be chivalrous. Be chivalrous for their sake and yours.
Chivalry is out of style br br Posted on January ... (show quote)

Reply
Jan 21, 2014 01:34:29   #
Searching Loc: Rural Southwest VA
 
Ve'hoe wrote:
Chivalry,,, was a casualty, of the liberal war on men,,,ie feminism.

If ye search elsewhere, ye are blind.

What man defends a soulless urchin whose call to arms is the right to murder their unborn children, easy to anger, and quick to take offense, THAT is the hallmark of the b***hy American female.

She stands and spews vile hatred and contempt upon the man in her life,,, and then wonders why he doesn't cherish her,,,

The serpents "gift" to eve was not the ability to tell right from wrong, but to be discontent with what god provided her,,,,

Now enmity exists forever,,, between the serpent, the female, and all who come in effective casualty radius.


Want to fix that problem,,,, then look at womens actions, and their vicious tongues,,,,, they are not only vicious to their men, but even worse to each other,,,,

Like the alcoholic or any other addict,,,, it isn't the object that makes you the a-hole,,,, it is that you are an a-hole that makes you want to abuse people, drugs, and all things,,, when you accept the role God gave you ,, you gain the power you cannot ever wrest from others........

YOu have to give up,, to win........ want chivalry??? Be worthy of it!!!
Chivalry,,, was a casualty, of the liberal war on ... (show quote)


Really? So, exactly who are these "vile" women you are referring to? The role that God gave me? How about the role God gave YOU? Did you decide to abdicate "your" role because "some" women decided to be crass and/or rude? Got news for you, an awful lot of us would love a little chivalry to come back into our lives. I remember rather distinctly, been a while, but like yesterday it seems, I'm on crutches, leg in a cast, can't put my foot down yet, no walking cast or boot, standing up on the subway in downtown D.C. The only person who offered me a seat was a pregnant woman who looked to be ready to deliver her baby. I declined her sweet offer. Perhaps you need to give that Good Book another look and see what it tells YOU to do. You could start with "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" Just a "polite" suggestion.

Reply
Jan 21, 2014 01:40:06   #
AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State
 
Searching wrote:
Really? So, exactly who are these "vile" women you are referring to? The role that God gave me? How about the role God gave YOU? Did you decide to abdicate "your" role because "some" women decided to be crass and/or rude? Got news for you, an awful lot of us would love a little chivalry to come back into our lives. I remember rather distinctly, been a while, but like yesterday it seems, I'm on crutches, leg in a cast, can't put my foot down yet, no walking cast or boot, standing up on the subway in downtown D.C. The only person who offered me a seat was a pregnant woman who looked to be ready to deliver her baby. I declined her sweet offer. Perhaps you need to give that Good Book another look and see what it tells YOU to do. You could start with "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" Just a "polite" suggestion.
Really? So, exactly who are these "vile"... (show quote)


He could try Ephisans 4:31 as a starting point.

Reply
 
 
Jan 21, 2014 01:49:38   #
Searching Loc: Rural Southwest VA
 
AuntiE wrote:
He could try Ephisans 4:31 as a starting point.


Why, yes he could, an excellent starting point, because I looked it up and found it rather all encompassing. Thank you, my sister. :wink: I see that it starts with "put away all your wrath and bitterness..."yes, an excellent starting point, indeed.

Reply
Jan 21, 2014 06:20:05   #
risingeagle
 
Being raised properly has a lot to do with it. I always open the door, and give up my seat.

Reply
Jan 21, 2014 07:27:06   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
Searching wrote:
Really? So, exactly who are these "vile" women you are referring to? The role that God gave me? How about the role God gave YOU? Did you decide to abdicate "your" role because "some" women decided to be crass and/or rude? Got news for you, an awful lot of us would love a little chivalry to come back into our lives. I remember rather distinctly, been a while, but like yesterday it seems, I'm on crutches, leg in a cast, can't put my foot down yet, no walking cast or boot, standing up on the subway in downtown D.C. The only person who offered me a seat was a pregnant woman who looked to be ready to deliver her baby. I declined her sweet offer. Perhaps you need to give that Good Book another look and see what it tells YOU to do. You could start with "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" Just a "polite" suggestion.
Really? So, exactly who are these "vile"... (show quote)


Well said, Searching.

Ve'hoe will reconcile with this issue...given time. He is too good a man not to do so. I believe that.

Reply
Jan 21, 2014 07:30:34   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
AuntiE wrote:
He could try Ephisans 4:31 as a starting point.


Nice head's up, AuntiE. Very appropriate!

BTW, Searching and yourself exemplify shining examples of womanhood.

Reply
 
 
Jan 21, 2014 07:39:24   #
lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas
 
slatten49 wrote:
Nice head's up, AuntiE. Very appropriate!


Kindness, thoughtfulness and chivalry all began to die out in the 60's and 70's. The most recent two generations are selfish and self centered, not to mention lazy. We have a nation of rationalizers. Like, " you should have gotten there earlier" and "to each his own", etc.
The first thing that comes to their mind is " what's in it for me?", not understanding that simple kindness brings it's own, immediate reward. That's why chivalry is considered to be old fashioned, newer generations haven't experienced it.

Reply
Jan 21, 2014 07:44:36   #
risingeagle
 
There is always the direct approach. MOVE YOUR A??

Reply
Jan 21, 2014 08:12:41   #
Searching Loc: Rural Southwest VA
 
slatten49 wrote:
Well said, Searching.

Ve'hoe will reconcile with this issue...given time. He is too good a man not to do so. I believe that.


:thumbup:

Reply
Jan 21, 2014 22:18:38   #
rhomin57 Loc: Far Northern CA.
 
Chivalry is disappearing from our Culture due to things like this in our younger students classrooms. There are many articles like this one, just as bad. There is no respect for growing young minds.

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2014/01/17/parents-upset-by-x-rated-sex-ed-poster-in-middle-school/


AuntiE wrote:
Chivalry is out of style

Posted on January 13, 2014 by The Matt Walsh Blog

This past Christmas Eve, I went to church with my wife, my sister, and my brother-in-law. We arrived a half hour early, which was a half hour too late. All of the seats were taken, and even the standing room in the back was filling quickly.

The four of us were able to carve out a spot to stand near the rear of the church. My wife and I have twin babies, and my sister had just given birth to her first child a week or two before. As we set up shop in the back, I thought to myself: “Well, we’ve got a young woman with a newborn and another woman with twins; surely a couple of the many men already sitting will jump up to offer their seats to my wife and sister. Nick and I can stand for the whole service, but there’s no reason why our wives should.” But my delusions were quickly interrupted by the harsh reality. As I looked around, I saw dozens of other women standing alongside us — many of them with kids in tow.

Maybe the hundreds of gentlemen in the pews just haven’t… noticed?

A few minutes later, I had to run to the car to get the diaper bag we’d left in the backseat. When I returned, my wife and sister were sitting in the pews.

Faith in modern manhood: restored.

For the time being, anyway.

I later found out that Beth and Alissa only ended up in seats because they were approached by two other women who offered to make room for them.

Faith in modern manhood: returned to its original severely diminished state.

I wasn’t going to write about this incident. I didn’t want to put a damper on the Christmas festivities. Then, this morning, I read about a recent survey, which came to the unsurprising conclusion that men are increasingly abandoning chivalrous customs. For their part, women are now more likely to be the ones committing certain acts of chivalry.

Our experience at church came rushing back into my mind.

I guess we need to talk about chivalry.

I can’t convince you that it’s cool or modern, but maybe I can show you why it’s important and necessary.

The study suggests that men who forgo chivalry often do so because they’re afraid that being gentlemen might seem “offensive” to some women. Meanwhile, only a small fraction of women actually report being offended by chivalrous deeds. Regardless, that is a flimsy and embarrassing excuse. If a woman is either pretentious or paranoid enough to take a kind gesture as an attack against her womanly identity, that’s her problem. Most, thankfully, are not nearly so confused. If they are, that isn’t our concern. We should do the right thing because it is the right thing; not because we’ve made a prediction as to how it will be received. If you have direct knowledge that a particular female is often quite horrified when car doors are opened for her or seats are offered to her on the subway, then I suppose you should respect her wishes — as ridiculous as they might be. But men are now dumping chivalry entirely, under the supposed assumption that ALL women take great offense to it. This can’t be justified. And, I suspect, it’s simply another thinly veiled excuse to be lazy, self-centered, and apathetic.

So, what about this chivalry thing? It’s true, I admit, that the whole shtick is horribly out of style. Then again, we live in a culture where “what’s in style” seems to change every three months, and the designations of “in” and “out” are completely contrived, shallow, and meaningless. Saying something is “in style” only means that “this is what people happen to be doing now.” Why are they doing it? Because they are. Why aren’t they doing the things they aren’t doing? Because they aren’t. And around we go in circles, spinning down the nihilistic drain.

Chivalry, on the other hand, had a POINT. And the point was deep and substantive. It was a point that rested on an understanding of human nature, and an earnest desire to battle our basest instincts. The point was never “subjugation of women” or “male dominance.” Quite the opposite, in fact. The point was love, and sacrifice, and service. The point was to make a statement that we are not beasts; we are not mere products of dog-eat-dog evolution. We will not live in a world where just the physically strongest survive. Women can only be s***es in a world like that, as history has proven many times.

The rejection of chivalry, on the other hand, is pointless because the rejecters don’t even understand what they’re rejecting. As usual.

Chivalry, as a word and a concept, has a long history, reaching back to the time of knights, feudal warfare, and the Truce of God. The latter was an attempt by the Church to curb and contain the violence and brutality of the Medieval Age. The meaning of “chivalry” has evolved, but its roots can be found in the oath that Crusader knights were made to take as part of their consecration, or “dubbing”. A knight swore “to defend to his uttermost the weak, the orphan, the widow and the oppressed; he should be courteous, and women should receive his especial care”.

Knights could use their strength and wealth to dominate and oppress, but they were called to utilize it in the opposite direction. They were called to do with their power what Christ did with His. They were called to love in the manner described by Paul in Ephesians 5. That’s chivalry. We might not wear suits of armor anymore (unfortunately), but there’s nothing suddenly irrelevant or unnecessary about the spirit of chivalry.

Other phrases and traditions have, over time, become associated with the chivalrous code. You might think of the sinking of the Titanic and “women and children first.” Actually, the first known application of this evacuation strategy occurred in the mid-1800′s, with the HMS Birkenhead shipwreck. After the ship hit a rock and began to sink, the women and children were ushered to the few usable liferafts. It wasn’t until she broke in two that the captain told the men to abandon ship and swim for the boats. But the Lieutenant-Colonel on board realized that the women and children would likely drown if all the men swamped the liferafts. He yelled for the men to stay put and go down with the ship. They did. Almost all of them. Few survived.

Chivalry.

Luckily, unless you plan to go on a voyage on a 19th century frigate this spring, you’ll likely never be called to give your life for the sake of chivalry. This is probably a good thing, seeing as how most of us won’t even give up our seat at church for it.

I said that chivalry — unlike the anti-chivalry movement — had a point. This is it. Chivalry calls for the strongest to serve and honor the weakest, realizing that the other option is for the strongest to dominate and abuse the weakest. Chivalry is one of the things that separates us from gorillas and wolves and rats. We, as chivalrous men, are called to use our strength in service to women, children, the infirm, and the elderly.

If we adopt an “every man and woman for him/herself” then no woman will ever escape a sinking ship again. The men could quite easily shove the women aside, jump on the lifeboats, and get outta Dodge.

You might think this irrelevant because you’ll probably never be in a floundering sea craft or a burning building, but I disagree. I think the whole world is sinking and on fire, and it’s been this way since the Fall of Man. And as things go bad, the weakest are the most exposed and vulnerable. That is, unless the strongest choose to stand fast and take the brunt of the storms that come.

In the mean time, as a routine matter, chivalry is still essential. Men should carry bags, and hold doors, and pull out chairs, and offer seats to women, not because women are incapable of standing or opening their own doors, but because of what these acts represent — what they say. And what they say is simple: “I am bigger and stronger than you, but I will use my strength to honor you and protect you. I will not hurt you. I will not take advantage of you. I will humble myself before you and serve you.”

Ask yourself: is it better that we live in a society where men are dedicated to using their physical superiority for good, even if the good is something as small as carrying a grocery bag or opening a door? If your answer is yes, then you should see the importance of chivalry.

If you answer “no,” then, well, I’m not sure where to go from here. You and I live in different universes.

And to men I ask this: what sort of man do you want to be? When you — assuming you are healthy and capable — sit as women stand, you have made a choice. That choice does not occur in a vacuum. You are now not just a man who sat while women stood, you are the sort of man who would sit as women stand. That wouldn’t look good on your Match.com profile, and it doesn’t bode well for society.

So be chivalrous. Be chivalrous for their sake and yours.
Chivalry is out of style br br Posted on January ... (show quote)

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