Duckie

I was recently take in by a family. I thought, great another foster home who is willing to take me in because they will be paid by the state for offering a hand out. Okay, so I have some trust issues. Today, I did what a guest should never do, I opened my sponsor's mail. She is out of country and I thought, what the hell. It was from the Child Welfare and I am certain that I am the only person she is as she puts it "sponsoring." So, I was sure the letter was to disclose how much money she would get. I read these types of letters before. I read her letter, it said that it was to confirm that she was taking all responsibility for my support and would not be receiving any aid or support from the state, to include medical care. It went on to say that she has to have me insured not later than 1 March 2014. Now I have confused emotions, I feel guilt for opening her mail and I feel gratitude for her kind heart. Should I confess that I opened her letter? What if I tell her and she kicks me out? But, if I do not tell her then I will be lying to the only person that has been good to me in .....forever. Advice, please.

Raylan Wolfe Loc: earth

Get a job!

MrEd Loc: Georgia

Tell her, but don't just tell her what you did. Tell her how you feel about that and everything else. She seems to love you and she is not going to throw you out for this one little mistake. Tell her how you feel and let her know that you truly are sorry for not giving her a chance to prove to you that she really does care about you as an individual and not a pay check. She deserves to know just as much as you do how each of you feel. It is really hard to take someone in like that and to make them part of your family and for you to accept them as your family. Don't forget, this is as hard on her as it is on you. Both of you really need to sit down and talk about this and get it all out. I wish you well and I am sure she does too.

Duckie

I am afraid. She is not related to me, she really does not know me and I think that I have really messed up a good thing. Her family treats me as if I have always been here and I do not want to leave. How could she ever trust me after this. I do not know anyone here so that is why I am asking for advice, I could talk to her Cousin...Uncle, or wh**ever he is; but he is religious and I think he will give me the God talk. Should I try to call her? She is out of country, do you think I should wait until she gets back? I feel horrible!

Duckie

That is helpful. This is the type of answer my mother would give me. So, thanks!

lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

The t***h never hurts. After telling her about opening the letter, ask what you can do to help. Take responsibility for everything, thus making you a part of the solution instead of a problem.

squirrelmender Loc: Florida

Do what Mr. Ed told you to do. Tell her your feelings of mistrust but, how happy you are that her family wants to give you a second chance at life. I'm sure she knows more about homeless children and their problems than you think otherwise why would she chance taking you in? Good luck

squirrelmender Loc: Florida

I forgot to say that I think you should do it in person and be sure to look her in the eyes since looking away can be a sign that your not being t***hful.

shawbeach Loc: West Palm Beach, FL

What you did was wrong. If she thinks enough of you to take the steps she has taken...she thinks enough of you to forgive this indiscretion. Be honest and explain what you did and why. I would also ask for some help on your trust issues. It sounds like a great opportunity for a fresh staet. It needs to be based on mutual trust and mutual respect. Honesty is the foundation on which to build.

Duckie

To all,

Thank you!

I know that I was wrong and I am ashamed. I only met her recently and have been in and out of "homes" that I thought she was just like the others. I had no idea that she was for real. I will never do anything like this again! I will find the courage to talk to her after she gets back. In the meantime, I will talk to her Uncle or Cousin (I don't know, everyone claims everyone as a cousin and I have not been here long enough to figure out the relationships) and tell him. He is a Rabbi and very kind, but I am positive he will give me the "sin" and "God" speech. I have heard those speeches before, people claim to be Christian and are anything but Crist Like. But, I do believe this family believes in God and I guess I will need to sit through the talks.

Duckie

..........

Searching Loc: Rural Southwest VA

Okay, I don't know if these observations will help, but I give these in the hopes that they will.

You speak of trust issues. If you recognize them and admit to them, while your mentor may not openly discuss them with you, she must be aware of them as well. Does that give you a pass for opening mail not yours -- no, but it DOES speak to your trust issues, something that your mentor, while she may not like the fact that you opened her mail, will probably give you some leeway.

T***h to tell, she will also recognize that you yourself understand you crossed a boundary that you shouldn't have and why and that you are truly sorry. From what little you said in your last post, unless I am mistaken, it appears that your mentor held out her hand to you in friendship, apparently without hesitation. That said, it would seem extremely unlikely that your t***sgression would cause her to withdraw it. I think you are being too hard on yourself. I would, when I got the chance, tell her if I were you, if for no other reason it will give you peace.

The only other suggestion I might have is, since in one of your posts you reference, I'm assuming beyond your mentor, friends, educators, and family, you might, among them feel close enough to one of them to discuss "even hypothetically" your angst without actually totally revealing your reason. If you don't feel close enough to any of those people to do that, give this some time, maybe even compose a letter to your mentor, to read to her when she returns if that will help you to convey your distress and that you apologize. Again, I hope what I have stated helps in some way.

Searching Loc: Rural Southwest VA

I see that others and you for that matter have processed your issue in the time it took me to in my methodical approach to give you my thoughts. It sounds as if you have already come to terms with what you need to do and made peace with yourself.

Duckie

Thank you one and all. Everything is good. I talked to both my mentor and her cousin, she on the phone and he face to face. I told them what I had done, asked them to forgive me, and told them that I knew I had abused their trust. He was gentle, as I expected him to be. No speeches, he said there and let me talk. Afterward, he just said that if I need or want to know something; just ask. No lecture about being sinful.... My mentor was more concerned that I still wanted to stay and if I got the answers to my questions. No drama! I know that I need to be more concerned with the new family's feelings and privacy. So, thank you all for your help and advice. I was thinking about just leaving, I am glad that you were here and helped me.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :mrgreen:

I think we're all proud of your decisions. Good for you!

Seems like you're in a really good place...in every way. :wink: