One Political Plaza - Home of politics
Home Active Topics Newest Pictures Search Login Register
General Chit-Chat (non-political talk)
A matter of perspective
Mar 15, 2017 10:45:10   #
lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas
 
I was walking on my feet yesterday, mostly because those are the appendages closest to the ground, which makes it convenient. However, my testicles are competing for that job, but I can't imagine how it would work, walking on my balls, nor do I imagine it would be at all comfortable, but perhaps they have some as yet unknown functions. Mostly, I worry about tripping over them, but I digress.

Due to a spinal cord injury, my brain is blissfully unaware of where my feet are located in time and space, which requires me to watch them, lest they lead me to ruin. I've learned to note the location of water filled ditches, as my feet seem to find it amusing to lead me straight into them. The problem with watching my feet, guarding against such pranks, is that I cannot watch where I'm headed simultaneously. My feet take advantage of this and play additional pranks, such as causing me to walk into parked cars and run over small children. I'm trying to develop a mirror and a camera to halt such tomfoolery, but I digest.

I normally decide in advance where I think I should be headed, or pick a target, then plan a route to that destination that avoids water filled ditches, small children, parked cars, or any other hazard I suspect my feet would find amusing to see me fall into. I have more failures than successes, but one must persevere, no? My wife has suggested following me with a video camera, with a view to winning some money on ABC's "funniest videos", but I refused, knowing such videos would engender pity along with the laughs, and I cannot abide pity. I am a survivor, not a subject for pity, but I regress.

Suffice it to say, the bulk of my day is spent moving cautiously from one location to another and the bulk of my mental acuity, what is left anyway, is spent trying to avoid the pranks committed by my various appendages. You know, preventing my feet from leading me into a construction ditch, and avoiding tripping over my balls. BTW, I tried a ball sling awhile back, but it made me look like I had a poodle stuffed in my pants, and , although it did preclude the ball tripping, it caused more questions than I cared to answer, such as "Papaw, what's in your pants?". Such questions asked in public raises eyebrows, and the risk of arrest, but I progress.

The problem with perspective is, one can watch one's feet, OR watch where one is going, but one cannot do both at once. I need a VR helmet such as the pilots of F35's wear, then the days of my feet and balls playing jokes on me would be over. Then, I'd only have to worry about what my ass is doing when I'm not paying attention.

Reply
Mar 15, 2017 11:30:34   #
Larry the Legend Loc: Not hiding in Milton
 
You should let her do the video.

Reply
Mar 15, 2017 11:34:25   #
Big dog
 
Larry the Legend wrote:
You should let her do the video.


Yup,, do the video.

Reply
 
 
Mar 15, 2017 12:06:31   #
F.D.R.
 
I like your sense of humor, thanks for the story. I'm curious as to whether when using the 'ball sack' you were getting admiring glances from the female set.

Reply
Mar 15, 2017 12:47:26   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
lpnmajor wrote:
I was walking on my feet yesterday, mostly because those are the appendages closest to the ground, which makes it convenient. However, my testicles are competing for that job, but I can't imagine how it would work, walking on my balls, nor do I imagine it would be at all comfortable, but perhaps they have some as yet unknown functions. Mostly, I worry about tripping over them, but I digress.

Due to a spinal cord injury, my brain is blissfully unaware of where my feet are located in time and space, which requires me to watch them, lest they lead me to ruin. I've learned to note the location of water filled ditches, as my feet seem to find it amusing to lead me straight into them. The problem with watching my feet, guarding against such pranks, is that I cannot watch where I'm headed simultaneously. My feet take advantage of this and play additional pranks, such as causing me to walk into parked cars and run over small children. I'm trying to develop a mirror and a camera to halt such tomfoolery, but I digest.

I normally decide in advance where I think I should be headed, or pick a target, then plan a route to that destination that avoids water filled ditches, small children, parked cars, or any other hazard I suspect my feet would find amusing to see me fall into. I have more failures than successes, but one must persevere, no? My wife has suggested following me with a video camera, with a view to winning some money on ABC's "funniest videos", but I refused, knowing such videos would engender pity along with the laughs, and I cannot abide pity. I am a survivor, not a subject for pity, but I regress.

Suffice it to say, the bulk of my day is spent moving cautiously from one location to another and the bulk of my mental acuity, what is left anyway, is spent trying to avoid the pranks committed by my various appendages. You know, preventing my feet from leading me into a construction ditch, and avoiding tripping over my balls. BTW, I tried a ball sling awhile back, but it made me look like I had a poodle stuffed in my pants, and , although it did preclude the ball tripping, it caused more questions than I cared to answer, such as "Papaw, what's in your pants?". Such questions asked in public raises eyebrows, and the risk of arrest, but I progress.

The problem with perspective is, one can watch one's feet, OR watch where one is going, but one cannot do both at once. I need a VR helmet such as the pilots of F35's wear, then the days of my feet and balls playing jokes on me would be over. Then, I'd only have to worry about what my ass is doing when I'm not paying attention.
I was walking on my feet yesterday, mostly because... (show quote)


Doc
methinks the best thing for you to do
is set your ass in a rocking chair


Reply
Mar 15, 2017 15:39:43   #
lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas
 
badbobby wrote:
Doc
methinks the best thing for you to do
is set your ass in a rocking chair



At least I'd know what my ass was doing, yes?

Reply
Mar 15, 2017 16:12:42   #
solarkin
 
lpnmajor wrote:
I was walking on my feet yesterday, mostly because those are the appendages closest to the ground, which makes it convenient. However, my testicles are competing for that job, but I can't imagine how it would work, walking on my balls, nor do I imagine it would be at all comfortable, but perhaps they have some as yet unknown functions. Mostly, I worry about tripping over them, but I digress.

Due to a spinal cord injury, my brain is blissfully unaware of where my feet are located in time and space, which requires me to watch them, lest they lead me to ruin. I've learned to note the location of water filled ditches, as my feet seem to find it amusing to lead me straight into them. The problem with watching my feet, guarding against such pranks, is that I cannot watch where I'm headed simultaneously. My feet take advantage of this and play additional pranks, such as causing me to walk into parked cars and run over small children. I'm trying to develop a mirror and a camera to halt such tomfoolery, but I digest.

I normally decide in advance where I think I should be headed, or pick a target, then plan a route to that destination that avoids water filled ditches, small children, parked cars, or any other hazard I suspect my feet would find amusing to see me fall into. I have more failures than successes, but one must persevere, no? My wife has suggested following me with a video camera, with a view to winning some money on ABC's "funniest videos", but I refused, knowing such videos would engender pity along with the laughs, and I cannot abide pity. I am a survivor, not a subject for pity, but I regress.

Suffice it to say, the bulk of my day is spent moving cautiously from one location to another and the bulk of my mental acuity, what is left anyway, is spent trying to avoid the pranks committed by my various appendages. You know, preventing my feet from leading me into a construction ditch, and avoiding tripping over my balls. BTW, I tried a ball sling awhile back, but it made me look like I had a poodle stuffed in my pants, and , although it did preclude the ball tripping, it caused more questions than I cared to answer, such as "Papaw, what's in your pants?". Such questions asked in public raises eyebrows, and the risk of arrest, but I progress.

The problem with perspective is, one can watch one's feet, OR watch where one is going, but one cannot do both at once. I need a VR helmet such as the pilots of F35's wear, then the days of my feet and balls playing jokes on me would be over. Then, I'd only have to worry about what my ass is doing when I'm not paying attention.
I was walking on my feet yesterday, mostly because... (show quote)


Dear Major,
I had no idea about your ridiculously difficult condition.
Maybe sometime you could share the details.
I feel blessed because I am not suffering that which you must overcome every day.
Your post gives true insight to what you propose as good thinking.
Thank-you, for allowing me to understand you better.
Your friend and Ally,
Solarkin

Reply
 
 
Mar 15, 2017 17:16:27   #
lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas
 
solarkin wrote:
Dear Major,
I had no idea about your ridiculously difficult condition.
Maybe sometime you could share the details.
I feel blessed because I am not suffering that which you must overcome every day.
Your post gives true insight to what you propose as good thinking.
Thank-you, for allowing me to understand you better.
Your friend and Ally,
Solarkin


You are welcome my fiend, uh my friend.

Reply
Mar 15, 2017 22:40:41   #
Larry the Legend Loc: Not hiding in Milton
 
badbobby wrote:
Doc
methinks the best thing for you to do
is set your ass in a rocking chair



Yeah, but keep the ball sack off the floor! Ooooh!

Reply
Mar 16, 2017 17:22:36   #
solarkin
 
lpnmajor wrote:
You are welcome my fiend, uh my friend.


Of Course Major.
I had spent some time wondering whether or not you were just yanking chains.
If indeed ,you were sincere, I will give you my prayers ,and ask for blessings bestowed upon you.
Open Skies ,
Fer sure 😉.

Reply
Mar 17, 2017 19:07:54   #
solarkin
 
lpnmajor wrote:
You are welcome my fiend, uh my friend.


Well yes, sometimes I am a friend.

Reply
If you want to reply, then register here. Registration is free and your account is created instantly, so you can post right away.
General Chit-Chat (non-political talk)
OnePoliticalPlaza.com - Forum
Copyright 2012-2024 IDF International Technologies, Inc.