Laugh? I Almost Fell Off My Stool!
Feb 6, 2017 14:17:24 #
OK you blondes, you get it first!
What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
Last year's hide and seek champion.
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.
Did you hear about the blondes who froze to death at the drive-in?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
An in-body experience!
What did the blonde say to the doctor when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why are there so many dumb blonde jokes?
It gives brunettes and redheads something to do on Saturday night.
How do you get a blonde to marry you?
Tell her she's pregnant.
How do blonde braincells die?
Alone.
What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A number of people claim to have seen a Bigfoot.
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Change.
What do you call a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered.
What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
She kept having affairs with men.
Why do blondes drive VW's?
Because none of them can spell Porsche.
How do you confuse a blonde?
You don't -- they're born that way.
How many blondes does it take to play tag?
One.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell -- she's got a hand grenade in her mouth!
What does an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common?
No matter how often you hear about them, you never see one.
What do you call a blonde with a 50 I.Q.?
Gifted.
Why do blondes have square boobs?
No one told them to take the tissues out of the box first.
Where does a blonde hemophiliac go for medical treatment?
An acupuncturist.
And now for the wives:
My wife surprised me the other night on our anniversary. She told me to tie her to the bed and I could do anything I want.
I tied her to the bed and went to the bar.
Terrorism strikes no fear in my heart. I’ve been married for years.
If you want to know whether your wife loves you more than your dog, just lock them both in the garage for a few hours and see who's happiest to see you when you let them out.
Woman to her husband while going at it: "Say dirty things to me!"
Man: "OK, Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having had my spine and both testicles removed. Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.
A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone. The husband is surprised, "Wow, that was quick - usually you girls are at it for two hours at least!" "Yeah, well," she said, "it was a wrong number."
Marriage is an institution of three rings. Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
“Darling, can I go out in this dress?”
“Yes dear, it’s already dark out.”
It’s been raining for days now and my wife seems very depressed by it.
She keeps standing by the window, staring. If it continues, I’m going to have to let her in.
A little boy looks at his mom at a wedding and says, “Mommy, why is the girl dressed all in white?”
His mom answers, “The girl is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”
The boy nods and then says, “OK, and why is the boy all in black?”
I got really angry with my GPS today. I even yelled at it to go to hell. Twenty minutes later, it brought me in front of my mother-in-law’s house.
A man noticed his credit card has been stolen - but he never reported it. The thief was spending considerably less than his wife.
A man and his wife go to a doctor. The doctor asks, “Do you share the same blood group?”
The husband replies, “We must by now. She’s been sucking my blood for years.”
What's the difference between a bachelor and a married man? Bachelor comes home, checks out what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, checks out what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.
Daddy, why are all the cars beeping their horns?
Because there’s a wedding going on.
But isn’t the horn a warning signal, Daddy?
Exactly, son.
My wife and I had a very happy twenty years. Then we met.
OK ladies, we've laughed at you enough for one day. I'll snipe at the guys tomorrow.
What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
Last year's hide and seek champion.
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.
Did you hear about the blondes who froze to death at the drive-in?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
An in-body experience!
What did the blonde say to the doctor when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why are there so many dumb blonde jokes?
It gives brunettes and redheads something to do on Saturday night.
How do you get a blonde to marry you?
Tell her she's pregnant.
How do blonde braincells die?
Alone.
What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A number of people claim to have seen a Bigfoot.
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Change.
What do you call a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered.
What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
She kept having affairs with men.
Why do blondes drive VW's?
Because none of them can spell Porsche.
How do you confuse a blonde?
You don't -- they're born that way.
How many blondes does it take to play tag?
One.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell -- she's got a hand grenade in her mouth!
What does an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common?
No matter how often you hear about them, you never see one.
What do you call a blonde with a 50 I.Q.?
Gifted.
Why do blondes have square boobs?
No one told them to take the tissues out of the box first.
Where does a blonde hemophiliac go for medical treatment?
An acupuncturist.
And now for the wives:
My wife surprised me the other night on our anniversary. She told me to tie her to the bed and I could do anything I want.
I tied her to the bed and went to the bar.
Terrorism strikes no fear in my heart. I’ve been married for years.
If you want to know whether your wife loves you more than your dog, just lock them both in the garage for a few hours and see who's happiest to see you when you let them out.
Woman to her husband while going at it: "Say dirty things to me!"
Man: "OK, Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having had my spine and both testicles removed. Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.
A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone. The husband is surprised, "Wow, that was quick - usually you girls are at it for two hours at least!" "Yeah, well," she said, "it was a wrong number."
Marriage is an institution of three rings. Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
“Darling, can I go out in this dress?”
“Yes dear, it’s already dark out.”
It’s been raining for days now and my wife seems very depressed by it.
She keeps standing by the window, staring. If it continues, I’m going to have to let her in.
A little boy looks at his mom at a wedding and says, “Mommy, why is the girl dressed all in white?”
His mom answers, “The girl is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”
The boy nods and then says, “OK, and why is the boy all in black?”
I got really angry with my GPS today. I even yelled at it to go to hell. Twenty minutes later, it brought me in front of my mother-in-law’s house.
A man noticed his credit card has been stolen - but he never reported it. The thief was spending considerably less than his wife.
A man and his wife go to a doctor. The doctor asks, “Do you share the same blood group?”
The husband replies, “We must by now. She’s been sucking my blood for years.”
What's the difference between a bachelor and a married man? Bachelor comes home, checks out what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, checks out what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.
Daddy, why are all the cars beeping their horns?
Because there’s a wedding going on.
But isn’t the horn a warning signal, Daddy?
Exactly, son.
My wife and I had a very happy twenty years. Then we met.
OK ladies, we've laughed at you enough for one day. I'll snipe at the guys tomorrow.
Feb 6, 2017 15:02:01 #
Haha!
You have a thing against
blonds, pal. Shake it off coz it's unfair...
Tomorrow?That's a promise.
You sure we will faint laughing?
You have a thing against
blonds, pal. Shake it off coz it's unfair...
Tomorrow?That's a promise.
You sure we will faint laughing?
Feb 6, 2017 15:36:40 #
LPgee wrote:
Haha!
You have a thing against
blonds, pal. Shake it off coz it's unfair...
Tomorrow?That's a promise.
You sure we will faint laughing?
You have a thing against
blonds, pal. Shake it off coz it's unfair...
Tomorrow?That's a promise.
You sure we will faint laughing?
I'll try and go easy on you but no guarantees!
Feb 7, 2017 09:42:28 #
Larry the Legend wrote:
b OK you blondes, you get it first! /b br br Wh... (show quote)
Thanks Larry, I'm looking forward to tomorrow.
Feb 7, 2017 10:01:41 #
Feb 7, 2017 12:10:02 #
Big dog wrote:
Thanks Larry, I'm looking forward to tomorrow.
Feb 8, 2017 03:14:33 #
Larry the Legend wrote:
b OK you blondes, you get it first! /b br br Wh... (show quote)
You need to add one more.
Do you know what a red head is? A blonde whose brain has rusted.
Thanks for the laughs.
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