slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA…FLOOR.

2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD LITTLE GIRLS LIVE.

5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

7. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?

11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

14. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK IN AND CLEAN THEM?

15. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

18. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

19. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

20. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

21. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

22. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA? (This one took me a minute)

23. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

Larry the Legend Loc: Not hiding in Milton

Clearly only some monkeys and apes were deemed suitable for transformation.



Think he gives them a 'lump of coal'?



Then that question would not exist.



Yes.




Yes, because one personality is holding another personality hostage.




Alternate, substitute, alternative, equivalent, euphemism. There are others but I'm feeling lazy today.



Anywhere but there.



Take a photo, it might be your last chance.



No, all parsley farmers are independent businessmen and therefore are not subject to garnishment. However, parsley farmers are able to garnish garlic farmers' wages, since garlic farmers all work for parsley farmers.



Good question, I'll ask the next fly that comes along.



Neither, he's cold.



Yes, but animals cannot eat vegetarian crackers.



No, they just assume he will.



So the blind drivers can withdraw money at the drive through. Duh!



Natural selection. The ones that cross elsewhere get whacked.



Me.



Well, I could if I wanted to but, really, is there anyone more exciting and interesting to talk about than me? I mean, c'mon, seriously?



Only if she's flat chested...



Have you tried adultery? There's no comparison!



How is it possible to have a kissing cousin?



No. The one that drowns is the one who did it wrong. On the other hand, if only one does not drown, he also did it wrong.



Yes.



You have succeeded at failing, therefore you have done both.



Mine. It's funny to listen to people try to explain that they have a 'lisp'.



Because assteroids was already taken.



We can't??? Uh-oooooh. I think I might be in a little trouble.... (Quietly slinks away)

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

sisboombaa

It's silliness like this that keeps me interested in living. Thanks. I need more of it.

badbobby Loc: texas

great post Slat
loved # 22

now if you could only win at poker

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Unfortunately, I can only guarantee winning at the poker table when facing Swabbies across the table.

badbobby Loc: texas

what you really mean is
you can guarantee to write IOus
to anyone who would take them
unfortunately
there are very very few suckers left
your famousosity (I know that's not a word)
precedes you

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Instead of "famousosity," I'm sure you meant the known virtuosity of Marines engaged in poker.

badbobby Loc: texas

badbobby Loc: texas

yes

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Another cheap and futile attempt to elevate yourself to the status of a U.S. Marine...to include our intrinsic poker skills.

badbobby Loc: texas

as I recall
it was a dastardly Marine who first used that skullduggery
of course
who would expect anything better

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

I'm shocked and disappointed that you would attack Salty in that manner.

Remember the old saying, "Revenge is a dish best served cold?"

Be on your toes, Senior Sailor.

badbobby Loc: texas

btw
where is the better half of your duo??
prolly scared to come out and play
typical Marine

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Likely, he's at Black's Beach enjoying mother nature at its finest.

Now, I have to go tend to the livestock...limited though they are.