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Jan 18, 2017 12:39:24   #
Onelostdog Loc: Restless Oregon
 
Red Skelton's Perfect Marriage............

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .

3. I take my wife everywhere....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late
for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it........these were the good old days
when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words, 'God Bless.

Reply
Jan 18, 2017 12:51:44   #
bilordinary Loc: SW Washington
 
Onelostdog wrote:
Red Skelton's Perfect Marriage............

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .

3. I take my wife everywhere....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late
for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it........these were the good old days
when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words, 'God Bless.
Red Skelton's Perfect Marriage............ br br ... (show quote)


I don't have to imagine hearing him, I have Serius radio and listen to the classic radio channel.
Red Skelton and many others are on there, Superman is on now.
I don't use Serius for music, the sound quality is very poor.
Not too noticeable on a non HiFi system though.

Reply
Jan 18, 2017 13:06:25   #
Onelostdog Loc: Restless Oregon
 
bilordinary wrote:
I don't have to imagine hearing him, I have Serius radio and listen to the classic radio channel.
Red Skelton and many others are on there, Superman is on now.
I don't use Serius for music, the sound quality is very poor.
Not too noticeable on a non HiFi system though.


I have never even heard anything on Serius radio, don't know anyone who has it so I guess when I win the Lotto and get a new truck I'll get Serius on it just for the fun of it.

Reply
 
 
Jan 18, 2017 13:31:05   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
Red Skelton was and remains one of my favorite comedians of all-time. I never missed his weekly TV show.

Thanks for the reminders, OLD.

Reply
Jan 18, 2017 13:45:48   #
Onelostdog Loc: Restless Oregon
 
slatten49 wrote:
Red Skelton was and remains one of my favorite comedians of all-time. I never missed his weekly TV show.

Thanks for the reminders, OLD.


Your welcome slatten. I love the man. One of the last true American comedians that no others can hold a candle too. We are forced to listen to mostly useless morons executing liberal spin propaganda as humor lately, disgusting crap.

Reply
Jan 18, 2017 16:28:22   #
Mr Bombastic
 
Onelostdog wrote:
I have never even heard anything on Serius radio, don't know anyone who has it so I guess when I win the Lotto and get a new truck I'll get Serius on it just for the fun of it.


If you have a smartphone you can listen online.

Reply
Jan 18, 2017 16:57:17   #
Onelostdog Loc: Restless Oregon
 
Mr Bombastic wrote:
If you have a smartphone you can listen online.


Uh smart phone, nope my cell phones parents had long tails connected to a wall switch and can't even take a picture. Just the way I like it. Technology may be great but I still favor horses for transportation and a 45 Colt for daily security. Yup, you guessed it, I'm an old fart conservative deplorable neanderthal at heart. Hehehehehe.



Reply
 
 
Jan 19, 2017 12:52:12   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
Onelostdog wrote:
Red Skelton's Perfect Marriage............

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .

3. I take my wife everywhere....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late
for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it........these were the good old days
when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words, 'God Bless.
Red Skelton's Perfect Marriage............ br br ... (show quote)




Red was one of the great comedians
not too sure all those quotes were his though

Reply
Jan 19, 2017 12:55:10   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
slatten49 wrote:
Red Skelton was and remains one of my favorite comedians of all-time. I never missed his weekly TV show.

Thanks for the reminders, OLD.


that is of course very true Slat
but you are pretty funny yourself
when you say you beat this Sailor in poker games
btw--please pay all(or just some)of those IOU'S


Reply
Jan 19, 2017 15:04:35   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
badbobby wrote:
that is of course very true Slat
but you are pretty funny yourself
when you say you beat this Sailor in poker games
btw--please pay all(or just some)of those IOU'S


You're delusional again.

Reply
Jan 19, 2017 16:11:33   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
slatten49 wrote:
You're delusional again.


well mayhaps you are correct
I'm prolly very delusional expecting you and your cohort Salty
to pay your IOUS

Reply
 
 
Jan 19, 2017 17:31:54   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
badbobby wrote:
well mayhaps you are correct
I'm prolly very delusional expecting you and your cohort Salty
to pay your IOUS

Your delusion is in expecting us to pay for non-existent I.O.U.s. Reality is in accepting that we cleaned your clock...over and over again.

Reply
Jan 19, 2017 17:44:44   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
slatten49 wrote:
Your delusion is in expecting us to pay for non-existent I.O.U.s. Reality is in accepting that we cleaned your clock...over and over again.



I see you still frequent that barn, and that you are still dreaming wishful dreams

Reply
Jan 19, 2017 17:52:10   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
badbobby wrote:
I see you still frequent that barn, and that you are still dreaming wishful dreams

I didn't dream that new golf-cart you paid for. I'm thinking next time we play, I'm going for a house-boat...at your expense.

Reply
Jan 19, 2017 18:10:59   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
slatten49 wrote:
I didn't dream that new golf-cart you paid for. I'm thinking next time we play, I'm going for a house-boat...at your expense.


now ,as with your weird thinking(that boot camp pounded into your brain)
you are really dreaming
just what are you smoking???
does the Sgt Major know you are using that stuff?

Reply
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