CD Player Plays CDs
Jan 17, 2017 06:06:54 #
CD Player
I wanted to buy a CD player, but was completely perplexed by one model's promotional sign. So I called the salesclerk over and asked, "What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?"
He said, "That means that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal."
"In other words," I said, "this CD player plays CDs."
"Exactly."
Five Gifts Never to Buy For Your Wife
1. No name perfume which costs you $1.99, such as Eu de Toilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, moldy fruit, or your dirty socks. If you are going to buy her perfume, spring for the brand names.
2. Any type of cubic zirconia jewelry you see on the Home Shopping Network. It will be quite embarrassing when she is showing off that fabulous diamond to her friends and tries to cut glass with it. (They actually test them you know.)
3. Please do not buy her clothes because you think for one minute you have good taste in woman's clothing. Believe me, she'll smile and say its beautiful while choking back tears and mumbling under her breath, "Where would I ever wear this outfit without being arrested for bad taste?" An additional hint: plaids do not go with stripes (even though you think your golfing outfit looks just fine). It's a known fact to the rest of the world that that is a taboo.
4. Do not give her a gift certificate to a fitness center or Weight Watchers. Most men would know better, especially the ones who have learned the correct response to, "Do these pants make me look fat?" If you are one of the poor souls who still doesn't get it and purchased a gift like this, be prepared for the silent treatment for a month. (Although that may be something you would actually look forward to.)
5. Last but not least, never buy a woman anti-wrinkle cream, or a book on "How not to be Nasty Sunday through Saturday." These are not considered gifts, they are considered reasons for seriously injuring the person who bought it and just may stand up in a court of law.
Energy
Engineering classes at the University of Maryland are tough, and struggling students sometimes go to extremes in order to pass. Grading exams one semester, I got to this question: "What is the relationship between kinetic and potential energy?"
One student, obviously stumped, decided to get clever and wrote, "As far as I know, they're just friends, but there could be something else going on there."
Hubble Photograph of Distant Galaxies Colliding
The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble photograph of distant galaxies colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble Space Telescope, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene.
For those fans of '30 Rock' (you know who you are...):
http://www.arcamax.com/entertainment/humor/jokes/s-1914545?ezine=1
I wanted to buy a CD player, but was completely perplexed by one model's promotional sign. So I called the salesclerk over and asked, "What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?"
He said, "That means that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal."
"In other words," I said, "this CD player plays CDs."
"Exactly."
Five Gifts Never to Buy For Your Wife
1. No name perfume which costs you $1.99, such as Eu de Toilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, moldy fruit, or your dirty socks. If you are going to buy her perfume, spring for the brand names.
2. Any type of cubic zirconia jewelry you see on the Home Shopping Network. It will be quite embarrassing when she is showing off that fabulous diamond to her friends and tries to cut glass with it. (They actually test them you know.)
3. Please do not buy her clothes because you think for one minute you have good taste in woman's clothing. Believe me, she'll smile and say its beautiful while choking back tears and mumbling under her breath, "Where would I ever wear this outfit without being arrested for bad taste?" An additional hint: plaids do not go with stripes (even though you think your golfing outfit looks just fine). It's a known fact to the rest of the world that that is a taboo.
4. Do not give her a gift certificate to a fitness center or Weight Watchers. Most men would know better, especially the ones who have learned the correct response to, "Do these pants make me look fat?" If you are one of the poor souls who still doesn't get it and purchased a gift like this, be prepared for the silent treatment for a month. (Although that may be something you would actually look forward to.)
5. Last but not least, never buy a woman anti-wrinkle cream, or a book on "How not to be Nasty Sunday through Saturday." These are not considered gifts, they are considered reasons for seriously injuring the person who bought it and just may stand up in a court of law.
Energy
Engineering classes at the University of Maryland are tough, and struggling students sometimes go to extremes in order to pass. Grading exams one semester, I got to this question: "What is the relationship between kinetic and potential energy?"
One student, obviously stumped, decided to get clever and wrote, "As far as I know, they're just friends, but there could be something else going on there."
Hubble Photograph of Distant Galaxies Colliding
The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble photograph of distant galaxies colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble Space Telescope, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene.
For those fans of '30 Rock' (you know who you are...):
http://www.arcamax.com/entertainment/humor/jokes/s-1914545?ezine=1
Jan 17, 2017 08:26:14 #
kenvrla
Loc: East Tx Piney Woods
Love the one about the college student, Larry. So typical of my Science major daughter.
Jan 17, 2017 23:16:52 #
Larry the Legend wrote:
b CD Player /b br br I wanted to buy a CD playe... (show quote)
A coupon for lazer hair removal makes for a not so merry Christmas day!😨
It doesn't matter how many times you ask 'What'? The day doesn't get any better!😩
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